My male herpes journey thus far

[Mmarke]

Hi All,

Firstly, I'm a male and it would be nice to hear from others that's battling / managing their diagnosis. Appreciate all the support out there, however they are typically from women who come forward. I guess it's nice to know and understand how a man go about their business post herpes.

It's been 5 weeks and 2, 5 day courses of Valtrex, and daily lysine supplements. I'm glad to say my mild symptoms have completely receded. It's been a frightening primary experience though, both physically and mentally. On the brighter side, things are looking up and I feel somewhat normal now, happy again and all that, better conditioned to manage the next outbreak... Thank goodness, it is what it is and definitely not the end of the world.

I suppose for me, now comes the next phase of the journey and from the literature that I've read online. It seems it's 10% for male to female transmission and about 4% vice versa, unprotected sex. Which is quite hard to digest as a man to be honest. Just trying to get my head around this fact. I mean, I see stories and videos online with women coming forward with their diagnosis however hardly any man. I'm struggling at this next phase because it's devastating to know that im more probable of transmission to female, how the physical symptoms are worse for females and the fact that there is a very low, but real chance a mother can pass on at child birth. Im really not sure what I'm rambling on about here, but I guess it will be nice to have a role model or mentor that's managed to navigate through these thoughts and worries.

It also seems that male to female transmission with condom is very safe, based on literature online, men tend to shed on penis / shaft itself and women more so on the outside of the vagina. (Sorry for the details peeps 🙂) would like to understand if anyone has experience in this space, I.e contracted the virus from male to female with condom which I hope is unlikely and the other way around, woman to male with condom (due to outter vaginally shedding).

It will make me feel better and more of a normal man, should I "hookup" with protection of course and not have to disclose. Provided the chance of man to female is close to nil, when there's no outbreak. It's difficult to digest and I don't know how to feel morally, should I always disclose and just the thought of transmission and the physical, worse effects it has on women 😞

Of course, there'd be disclosure if it was someone whom I think I can be serious with. In saying that, hookups is rare however just wanted some views on this and whether it's morally wrong, although all precautions and safety will be considered.

Thanks for this forums support thus far, hand on heart. 5 weeks in I feel much better and it's not the end of the world.

Take care ❤

P.S I'm from down under and would be happy with a HBuddy, message me.

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello @Mmarke!!

I hope you are well!

I think it would be awesome to have more male and those with penises perspectives. Maybe now that you've shared, you'll inspire others to share, too!! 

I am a 22 year old female, but I still want to address your questions.

First, condoms are an amazing thing. Safe sex is a great way to reduce transmission, but remember, it only REDUCES risk, it doesn't completely remove it! Therefore, it would be unethical to not disclose your HSV to a partner, meaning hookup or serious partner. If you are afraid talking about it will ruin the moment, have no fear! If anything, people will not only respect you for telling the truth, but they will feel like you are respecting them, and this is so important. As a young female, I often am fearful that men do not respect me, especially physically. The body is the one thing we all truly own and have to ourselves, and we must respect this of one another. Give people a choice. Be honest and let them choose if they want to take the risk (no matter how seemingly small). This is their right! 

In terms of sores, they can occur inside the vaginal cavity as well, which is horribly painful. Some folks (all genders) also can get sores in the urethral opening. Also, anal herpes is possible. And, all of this is possible even with a condom on, even if the likelihood is reduced. According to a Guttmacher study, "Although using condoms more than 25% of the time offers women a high degree of protection against acquiring HSV-2, men do not receive the same benefits."

So, it seems condoms significantly help reduce transmission to people with vaginas, BUT remember, there is always a risk! And everyone has a right to know and make the choice for themsleves ❤️. And this can make intimacy even more sexy because there is trust!!!

Whether you have HSV-1 or HSV-2, it is still important to disclose. Give others the chance to choose. Those who are kind and understanding are the ones that really are good for you and matter most ❤️.

and overall, respect and honesty are sexy!!! 🥰❤️

I hope this helps!! 

Blessings! 

[Mmarke]

Thanks @Flowerteacher55

Really appreciate your view and response.

Peace