Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

New to disclosing - when and how for HSV1 oral and genital

Recommended Posts

I got my first genital herpes outbreak in 2012 after receiving oral sex from a boyfriend with a cold sore -- I was not aware he had one or got them in general, and was probably naïve at the time anyway. It was a very traumatic experience with the medical care I received and the assumptions based on bad information from my partner (that I had cheated, etc). I was with the same partner for a number of years, so almost forgot I even had herpes. I think I've had 3 genital outbreaks in 9 years, and occasionally get it on my tongue. Worrying about transmission was not an issue since I got it from my partner. 

I'm no longer with that partner and trying to date again -- and terrified! It brought up all the shame and memories from the initial diagnosis. I recently did the blood test and confirmed I am positive for HSV1 antibodies, negative for HSV2. 

I have questions around disclosure. Since I have HSV1 oral and genital -- is disclosure just before sex okay? Before kissing?  I feel like most discussion I see around it is to wait to get to know the person and disclose before things get sexually intimate -- but then it feels like a lie if I've kissed them and it's the same virus. If it's before even kissing that seems so early on and would scare anyone off. 
I feel like I've seen information around disclosing just for oral or just for genital -- but what about when it's HSV1 for both? 

I recently started talking to someone and after a 2nd date he asked if he could kiss me. I said I sometimes get cold sores but don't have one now (and felt incredibly awkward about it). He was thrown off, but it was okay. Later when things were approaching sex I stopped him to have the conversation and he said he needed to think about it. Today he told me he doesn't want to risk it, and it really hurts. (Also worried because without giving him a book report on the topic in the moment, I'm worried he did some scary internet searches and I'm not sure what information he came back with). 

All this to say, I'm terrified of disclosure conversations and rejections. It feels extreme to disclose everything before a first kiss, and that I'm being "punished" for being honest about it when so many don't disclose or don't even know they have HSV1 antibodies. But not disclosing early feels like it connects to the HSV1 genital part. 


-overthinking, anxious, and a little heart broken 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...