Pregnant and diagnosed..

[valleydecember217]

Im going to try my best not to ramble on but here it goes. 
So, today I got my diagnosis 7/3/21. 
I am 15 weeks pregnant and I just feel like my life is over. I feel especially upset/ashamed as I’m pregnant, I now have a daughter to worry about. I know that’s not true, my life being over - just from reading a few discussions on this site but it’s hard to think any different. How long did it take you to “accept” your diagnosis, how has it effected your life? 
 

of course I’m mostly worried about my daughter, since I was diagnosed at 15 weeks pregnant. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to my OBGYN yet but I do have an appointment coming up a few days so I’m hoping she can ease my anxiety a bit. Secondly, of course I’m worried about how my sex life will be from now on…. I’m only 21 years old and it’s obviously going to be such a big adjustment for me I don’t even know where to start or how to deal with this. The father is not around and is not the person that exposed me to the virus, I don’t want to get too personal into it and one day I hope I can talk about it on here more but I am just so extremely disappointed in myself. 
 

I guess I’m really just looking for words of encouragement, as I don’t have very much friends that I can trust with this information. I’m worried about telling somebody and they go spread the word to everyone. I feel so guilty as I have been judge-mental in my head when I hear about people having the virus… karma I guess. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi, @valleydecember217

First, I am so sorry for the worry and pain you are feeling. Please know this is not your fault, you don't deserve this, and is isn't the world punishing you with karmic debt. You are not dirty or bad or less worthy of love. You are pure, good, and so deserving of love and happiness, and so is your daughter. Congratulations on being a mom! ❤️

Second, herpes is a viral condition that doesn't act as an indicator of whether you'll be a good mom, and it isn't an immediate relationship-ruiner. You can still be an amazing mom, have a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery, and have a healthy sex life, with herpes. 

Do you have HSV-1 or HSV-2, and how was it diagnosed (swab culture, blood test, etc) and did the person who gave you HSV also recieve a test? Are you being supported by people during this important time in your life? Because you deserve support and unconditional love and acceptance. I am a 22 year old female, and as a fellow young woman it is so important to have those around us who lift us up and love us for us, through turbulent or calm waters. Always know your worth ❤️.

I recommend seeing your OBGYN and discussing your HSV status as soon as you can, because it can affect the birthing situation. If you are having an outbreak during your week of delivery/expected due date, your doctor may recommend preforming a cesarian birth to prevent the herpes from spreading to the baby. In rare cases neonatal herpes can occur, but this can be prevented with care and guidance from your doctors/OBGYN. For additional support, especially confidential and judgement-free support and care, clinics like Planned Parenthood are amazing. You can recieve discounted prenatal care, HSV help, and more, and the nurses and doctors are very helpful with questions you may have about your HSV and pregnancy. 

It may feel like your life is over, but it has just begun. Although herpes feels like a curse, it is a blessing in disguise. As the site's founder, Adrial, explained to me: Herpes acts as a magnet; when you tell people you have it, they show you who they really are. They are either going to be kind, respectful, and accepting, or judgmental. While it may hurt to have someone be judgemental, it is actually such a relief to know early on who that person really is. You deserve to be unconditionally accepted, just as you would want for your own daughter ❤️. Herpes repels those who are not your type of person, and will attract those with similar energy, empathy, kindness, and compassion. However, it can take a while to feel this way. It is normal to feel angry or sad or confused. All emotions are valid, it is just what we choose to do with them that is the key part. With self-love, acceptance, and learning more about what herpes is and what it is not, you can grow towards acceptance and make herpes an opportunity for an amazing life for you, and your baby and future relationships ❤️!

You are not alone. We are all here for you!! If you need any additional support, please feel free to direct message me. 

Sending you prayers and blessings!! 🌻🦋🌱🌼🌄❤️

[valleydecember217]

@Flowerteacher55 Thank you so much this was a very nice message and I appreciate you very much. 
I have HSV-2, we did a swab and a blood test. And as for the one who gave it to me or I guess the one I suspect, he has  been ignoring me since the day I told him I was diagnosed, he admitted to me he was sleeping with others and would get tested, but hasn’t said anything since which I don’t want to jump to conclusions but makes me feel that he is positive cause Who wouldn’t want to clear their name if they are negative? I feel guilty that I potentially put my baby in danger, I know HSV is a virus and not dangerous to the health but it could’ve been something else, I guess I’m thankful in a way it is just HSV-2. I’m absolutely dreading the conversation with the father and I quite frankly a bit scared on how he will react. 
yes I was able to get into my OBGYN and she definitely took some weight of my shoulders and told me how I would only transfer it to the baby if I had an active outbreak but we are going to do preventative measures to keep that from happening, of course yes if it is active I will go the c-section route which I have really been hoping to avoid so I’m praying god will be on my side during the time of labor/birth. My OBGYN also told me most people won’t even have an outbreak after their first, I’m not sure if this is true or where could I find the statistics on this? 
I do have an amazing family support, I mean only my older sister and my mom know as I don’t think my other family members would be supportive more judge-mental. And I have told one friend so far; I guess it really can be a blessing, it has made me think long and hard about who I can trust and made me weed out all of the “fakes” my biggest fear I think is telling someone and them telling the whole world; or laughing and thinking I’m a “hoe” or nasty. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi! @valleydecember217

I hope you are well. Please know you are not less of a person for having HSV. If anything, you are such a warrior! You've overcome your first outbreak, are a mother-to-be, and have told your mom and sister (such courage!). You can do so so much more than you think. As Bob Marley said, "You never know how strong you are 'till being strong is the only choice you have." And you are SO strong! ❤️

When you tell the father, you can tell him over the phone or somewhere where you feel safe. It is up to you. You can use a disclaimer, too: "I am going to share something with you because this is our child. But please, just listen without judgment." Have and 'exit plan' in place if it gets too much to handle, you can say you have an appointment and need to make the convo short, for example.  

In regards to HSV and pregnancy, it is awesome you talked to your OBGYN. HSV-2 typically has more outbreaks than HSV-1 when presenting in the genital area, and honestly it all depends on so much. Everyone has their own unique outbreak pattern, so you may have to wait and see what yours is. It will be okay! You are not a bad person for having HSV and being pregnant. You weren't trying to intentionally contract HSV, of course! Also, you have taken the best steps to ensure the best for your baby-- talking to the OBGYN, making birth plans, and surrounding yourself with loved ones around you who support you. ❤️ 

This resource right here is AWESOME and talks about average outbreak occurrences and more! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK525769/ 

If you enjoy researching (such as I, who literally works in an archive unit at my college) check this out: https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes-detailed.htm and scroll to the heading "What are the symptoms of genital herpes?" and then read the second paragraph. You can then click on the little superscript citation to see the articles that those facts came from (and the statistics that back up each claim will be there!). 

In regards to the sassy chumps (my fav term for peeps) who would ever even think of sharing your personal information with others, or call you derogatory names simply because you have a virus that most people already have... their opinions, thoughts, feelings, judgments, etc, are irrelevant. Opinions and judgments aren't factual or true. What is true is that YOU are a blessing. The way people treat you is a reflection of THEM, not you ❤️ Respect is such a key foundation of love, and those who are disrespectful and critical are not those who deserve to have your love. You are a powerful young woman! Something my single mom has always told me is to find someone who lifts you up, encourages you and empowers you, and of course respects you. Be kind to yourself, empowering yourself as if you were empowering another women in the same situation.

You mentioned God, so I wanted to bring this up, too. God created you, and gave you this life, this gift, with some mountains to climb. And climb over them you shall ❤️ Lean on others for support, and hold your head high like the child of God that you are ❤️. 

You can do this!  We are here for you ❤️

Sending blessings and prayers your way! 🙂❤️