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One hell of a "Good Morning"


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Thursday morning I went into the doctor for what I thought was infected ingrown hairs. Having just read the Cosmo article "I could have DIED from an ingrown hair!" I immediately went in. The first thing she said when she looked at them was that she didn't think they were ingrown hairs and that she was going to test for HSV2. She prescribed me both an antiviral and an antibiotic to take 3 times a day. I was a wreck- couldn't stop crying, depressed and thought my dating and sex life was over.

I do have a man in my life. He's not quite a boyfriend, but so much more than something casual. We have been involved for about a year now off and on. He is figuring himself out but has made it known that he really cares about me. Needless to say, I was terrified at the prospect of telling him.

 

Over the next couple days I got better and began to process the fact that I had it. I read about it and can to realize that at its core, it isn't much more than an annoying skin condition. The hardest part is disclosing that I have it and the stigma that goes along with it.

 

I got the call at 9am this morning from my doctor telling me that I had it. It wasn't shocking but my heart still sank a bit because I knew that I was going to have to tell my current guy, and soon.

 

I texted my guy asking him if I could see him today, that it was important. He replied immediately that he was going to be in class all day, but was asking if everything was okay and what was wrong. I told him I wasn't in the hospital or anything but that it had to do with my Dr. visit that thursday. He seemed more concerned and I realized that this conversation was going to have to happen on the phone.

 

I called him and told him. His first reaction was "F***!" which is pretty understandable.

The more I talked to him, the calmer he got. He told me that he hadn't really been with anyone other than me. He wasn't angry, but he did have a lot of concern for me and was asking if I was okay if there was anything else that was wrong. He told me how one of his friends has herpes and that he knows a little bit about how it would affect my life.

 

He was also inquiring about whether or not I would be on meds my entire life and I told him how if he was negative how I could make sure he stayed negative.

 

I started crying and telling him that I was more afraid of the disclosure part, and that I was afraid that he would think less of me. He told me he didn't think any less of me and told me to try and not think that way, that "we'll figure something out."

 

He's going to get tested and let me know the results. He said that he does still need to process everything mentally.

 

It's hard because it is so up in the air. It could have gone a lot worse, but at the same time, not only is this a disclosure to someone i love, it is also a "you need to get tested," kind of thing. I imagine that it would be quite a lot to process- a double whammy.

 

The positives? He didn't run for the hills, he doesn't think less of me, and is trying to see how this works long term.

 

As for me? I am doing my best to create a timeline of the people I have been sexualy involved with to see who I could have possibly gotten it from.

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Sounds like your over the biggest hurdle which is telling him. I'm 19 male and the thought of doing that sickens me!! I dread the day that comes lol as I'm still new to this myself I can only say the fact you are both going through this has to be seen as a huge advantage! Use this website.. Wait for advice... The people on here really do help.

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Hey Miss Kelly,

 

I'm assuming that deep, gracious thank you for the support ;) was coming from a place of sarcasm and disappointment that no one had responded yet? Well, we're still a small community of people, all helping one another, so please be patient with responses. We do the best we can. :) Thanks for understanding and please do respond to other people's posts, too, so we can keep the support flowing! It's a community effort for sure. And it's people like you who can simultaneously be supported and support others.

 

As for what you shared, it sounds like you two are doing a great job in a difficult circumstance. Keeping an open dialogue — especially when it's tough — is foundational to the success of any relationship if you ask me. At least it has been in my relationships. It sounds like you two are doing just that. Communicatin'! So yes, you're doin' it, sista!

 

It's shutting down to talking about the tough stuff that has the relationship become constipated. ;) Keeping an open flow of communication helps to keep everything healthy. It's the same idea in the first stage of grieving in the healing process: Denial. In denial, we actually hold the truth back from ourselves; it stagnates until it turns to the second stage: Anger ... and on and on. It's the same in relationship. Denial of what is has us holding back the important information that our partner should know ("Honey, I have herpes") which then inevitably leads to anger if it's not shared, of course. So being true to what is keeps the relationship real. It's not always easy, but it's real. I'm proud of you for immediately talking about it with him. Keep it up. :)

 

Any more support needed? Let us know! Much love to you!

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Yeah I was kind of hurt because I was kind of in panic mode and had no one to talk to.

It's all I can think about right now and it is a bit all consuming.

The person I slept with in between this guy just got tested and is in the clear. The guy before that is being a pain in the ass and said he got tested last year and it was negative but was blowing me off and saying he would get it done "when he had the time."

I am in the process of getting in contact with all the people I have slept with in the last 3 years to see what is up. If all point to negative then it could be that my guy gave it to me.

I'm stressed and today was hard because this guy is being more distant and said that he just wants space to sort out the whole situation, which I understand.

It's a time of major insecurity.

Joe- I've found the best way is to just keep talking about it. I told my closest friends and gave them the facts and had an open dialogue just so I can keep the practice going. You'll get there!

I'm doing my best to be a good communicator, and at this point all the worry is based off of him and what he may or may not do.

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Thanks you guys :)

 

Right now, I am in the process of contacting people I have slept with to build a timeline of when I could have gotten it as well as making them aware that it is not a routine test and that they should get it done just for their own sake and the sake of their partner.

For the most part, everyone has been really nice and appreciates the honesty.

There is only one who is being a jerk about it.

ALl of this is going to help me when my current guy gets tested. If he tests positive (which I think he will) then I can present him with the evidence I have. That I have contacted half of the people I have slept with and most of them have replied.

10/17 have been contacted

and 7 of them are getting tested

3 have yet to reply to me.

 

First boyfriend is now married with a kid

another boyfriend is engaged to my best friend

and 3 people I cannot track down

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