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Can you be infected with Genital herpes for years and not know?

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Hi Everyone. 

I'm so happy I came across this community. I have no one to talk to in a time that I feel like I need so much support. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. 

Let's go back to a year ago when I first experienced an outbreak. It was two days after my bf forced me to have sex. I thought the burning was due to how I was roughly handled. But then I started to see these ulcers and my lymph nodes in my groin area were swollen. At that time I didn't know it was my first outbreak. It lasted a week, not much pain and itching. It didn't look like herpes ulcer (oozing or inflammation or anything). It got smaller as it healed. Never scrab over. 

The thing is before that encounter I used to get vaginal itching, and burning when I run over the area that itched. The area would have white spots and I was diagnosed with Cyclic vulvovaginitis

It so happens that when my boyfriend did that to me I was experiencing the same issue. So I brushed it off as vulvovaginitis. 

However, it continued to reoccur at the same time. That's when I seeked help and was diagnosed with Genital herpes. It was more of a visual diagnosis of the ulcer. 

Lately I have been experiencing the tingling in legs and buttocks. It occurs the exact time of my ovulation. 

I have a few questions.. 

Does ulcers caused by herpes scrab over? 

Does it form a hard bump like a boil and sometimes leave a hard small spot? 

Does it cause pain I'm the vagina? (I have been experiencing localized pain in the left side of my vagina for years.. even before I had sex). This happens around my ovulation too. 

I feel so worried and confused. 

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I am so happy you joined the community!! Welcome 🌻

First, I am so sorry you've been struggling. I am sorry your boyfriend was cruel to you. You did not deserve that, and it was not your fault. The way others treat us is a reflection of THEM, not you. You are a blessing ❤️. Never ever doubt that. 

Having herpes from someone who was sexually abusive can be very stressful. I understand how you might be feeling, as the person who gave my herpes had been sexually abusive and forceful to me. If you need any support, feel free to direct message me. 

Genital herpes in women can actually cause recurrent outbreaks that sync with the menstrual cycle, because hormones can trigger outbreaks. The tingling in your legs and buttocks could be the virus shedding or being awoken by your hormones. 

Herpes sores have a unique healing process. They appear as red bumps with a small little dimple in the center. These dimples soon become filled with a goo, and it may look like a clear head (kind of like a pimple). Next, the sores open and ooze. Then, they crust over and scab. Eventually the scab falls off, leaving new skin. This skin may be a different color than the surrounding skin, but that is totally normal. New skin is often lighter in color and softer that the skin around it. 

I am unsure about the small bumps that stay after the sores heal. Are the bumps on the skin or under the skin, and how big are they? Do the bumps hurt when you press on them? It could be a cyst, ingrown hair, etc. I had a cyst on my labia and it was very small and hard like an m&m candy, but eventually it went away. Maybe you have a cyst? 

In regards to vaginal pain, yes, herpes can cause vaginal pain that lasts after an outbreak, especially if the sores were/in the vaginal cavity. For me, after my first outbreak two and a half years ago, I noticed I had trouble holding in urine. Even now, it is so painful to have a full bladder. I feel a horrible pinching cramp and it is not comfortable at all. If your outbreaks are causing excessive vaginal pain, talk to an OBGYN or go to a clinic such as Planned Parenthood. They rock! 

Please know you are not alone. You are worthy of love and respect, and so is your body.

I hope this info helped!! 

Sending you peace and health 🌄🌻

-- Grace



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Hi again!!

I forgot to add...

It is unlikely to be infected with genital herpes for years and not know it if you didn't have sex then. Hypothetically could you have had it as a child, yes, but that is a sign of sexual abuse, which is very traumatizing, or neonatal herpes (very very rare).

It is very very very unlikely you've had HV2 for years without knowing it, especially since the sores symptoms started after sex. It really seems you contracted herpes a year ago-- the swollen lymph nodes indicate your body didn't have antibodies yet, so your immune system was raging to build up those antibodies. 

In regards to the tingling you've had for years prior to sex: Vaginal tingling is common, and there are so many vaginal symptoms that are grouped together and called Vulvar pain, and basically it's "unknown" what causes them, tingling being one of them. However, an OBGYN or specialized doctor would be better apt to treat it and talk about it, and tell where it is coming from. Maybe call a doctor or OBGYN for an opinion? You can ever call the on call nurse and ask them questions. They would be more than happy to help, I'm sure!  

We are here for you! I am sending you happy healing prayers. 🌼🌄🌻🦋

Blessings, Grace

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Thank you so much 💓. I can't even explain how I'm  feeling. I cry all the time. Just knowing that this could have been prevented. I feel like my life to have a family has ended. Does this feeling ever go away? I'm so scared. He said he never had any of those symptoms before.

After the ulcer healed a small bump was left there. It eventually went away. I was wondering if it's normal for herpes ulcers to leave bumbs after its healed. Or does it feel hard in the beginning before it burst into a ulcer. 

Mine does not scrab over. It just gets small until it's healed. I read you can take lysine tabs to help prevent outbreaks. Does that help? 

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Hi!! @JuneB

I hope you are feeling better today 🌄

First, please know all emotions are healthy. This is such a difficult time, and it's okay to feel angry, sad, hopeless, etc. Just don't let these emotions absorb you. Take them out in a healthy way, wether it's reading, writing, exercise, meditation, or just breathing and positive self talk that acknowledges the feelings but says, "I choose to love and accept myself anyway". 

You can 110% still have a family!! ❤️ Adrial, the founder of this site, has a child and wife, and he never thought he'd be able to come so far, but he did! So many others have also found love, @NJRunnerMom, and the same is true for you!!! ❤️🥰

Herpes is a tricky virus, and just because he did not show symptoms, he still can transmit it. Most people with HSV don't know they have it, and asymptomatic tendencies are actually common in men and people with penises. 

I am unsure if the bumps are a typical herpes thing, so I am going to do some research and get back to you. Also, scabbing is part of the classic healing cycle, but I'm sure the healing process is different for everyone. I will also look that up and let you know!! 

Lysine tablets are helpful indeed, but they aren't a cure all, of course (nothing is!). But, lysine tablets can help, and for outbreaks I have used lysine cream which really reduced pain. Besides lysine, reducing stress can help to reduce outbreaks. If you engage in sports like cycling or horseback riding, the friction has the potential to trigger outbreaks. 

Regardless, get to know your body's response to herpes. Try and see what triggers your outbreaks, what helps them, and you can even chart it (kind of like charting a period) if it helps you get a better feel for your herpes. The human body is amazing at taking care of itself, and it often gives us little warning prior to outbreaks. Learning about these warnings can really help!! You can do this!! 🌄

Please know you are so worthy of love. This isn't your fault. I know you mentioned it could have been prevented, bust honestly, the only way for us to control herpes transmission would be to know the HSV status of others, and we can't read minds!! It is not your fault at all. 

Give yourself time to heal. Be kind to yourself, because you deserve that, and so so much more. Surround yourself with good people, pets, nature, a blanket, whatever makes you feel loved and comforted, and ditch anything or anyone who doesn't! You deserve the best!! 

Sending blessings and happiness your way! 🍀🌼🌄

-- Grace 


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@Flowerteacher55 I am feeling it a better. I finally got out of the house after a long time. I have recently started yoga to help ease the tension and anxiety. 

Thanks in advance for researching the info on that topic. I haven't read any literature of herpes bumps being hard like a pimple. 

My hormones causes OBs. It's always around my ovulation. A few times before during my period. I have a regular cycle so once I feel the stabbing pain and tingling in my legs I know it's coming on. I haven't had an OB out of that timeline. 

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On 7/16/2021 at 11:50 PM, JuneB said:

Thank you so much 💓. I can't even explain how I'm  feeling. I cry all the time. Just knowing that this could have been prevented. I feel like my life to have a family has ended. Does this feeling ever go away? I'm so scared. He said he never had any of those symptoms before.

This feeling does go away but it takes some time.  You have to get to a point of acceptance to be able to move on.  For me, once I accepted this and that this is the new me, things got better and I started to feel better about myself which allowed me to gain some confidence back to go back out in the dating world.  I met my current boyfriend on a dating app (Not H+ only) and things could not be any better.  I disclosed to him about a month into dating and he accepted me 100%.  Since then we've met each others kids, families, friends, just got back from the Dominican Republic for a short adults only vacation, have another family vacation planned in August for us and all of our kids, etc.  Good things can still happen for you.  You just need some time and that's okay.

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