Moving on from rejection and getting over the hurt

[DistressedLady]

Hi all

Since my last post, it turned out my ex came back HSV2 NEGATIVE. I did NOT give it to him.
 

To say I was relieved was an understatement but that’s when all the hurt began for me. 
He had known my status for over 10 months and had chosen to stay with me. I honestly thought we had a future together but he got thrush(I now think) panicked and finished the relationship - telling me he had definitely been infected. 
 

After receiving 2 negative antigen tests he is happy he doesn’t have it but doesn’t want to risk a sexual relationship with me anymore for fear that he will get it further down the road. He insists he was really happy with me and our relationship was great but bottom line is - he doesn’t want to get it. 
 

This is only the second man I’ve trusted and the second man to leave the relationship because of it. He is constantly in contact and wants us to stay friends as our children are friends, so we have spent time together with our kids but I’m still feeling so hurt by what happened. 
 

I’m so sad he chose to leave me because of this. I feel like I’m not good enough and he thinks I’m dirty and unclean. I’m so disappointed and hurt. 
 

im wondering how you all cope with the rejection and hurt of being rejected? ‘I’m a beautiful, smart, kind, good person - I did the right thing - I deserve better - he doesn’t deserve me .. ‘ - all the things I have been hear I got from my friends but it doesn’t stop the absolute heartbreak I still feel. He stayed with me for 10 months, and then just as I trusted him he turned and ran out the door so fast. 
 

Any advise or tips for getting over this - again? I feel like all men will leave me when I tell them and I feel so dirty and sad. 
Should we remain friends or should I cut all contact? 
 

I’m feeling so sad and low. The last time this happened I didn’t date for over 10 years. 
 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi!!! 

I am so sorry for your pain. None of this is your fault, and I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this.

Please know you are not dirty, unwanted, or bad. You are pure, clean, whole, and wonderful just the way you are. You aren't your herpes. And your herpes isn't you. 

The way people treat us is a reflection of who they are. Often times we do not really get to see what's underneath someone's exterior and words until months after we start dating them. And sadly, this person does not have the emotional intelligence you thought he had. He disappointed you and jumped to conclusions before even getting his tests and really waiting for conclusions. I am so sorry for that. 

You deserve much better. Also, you do not need to be friends with him for your children to be friends. You can be cordial with him if the kids have a playdate, but by no means do you need o have a friendship with him. If anything, he may feel guilty for his actions and judgments and is trying to overcompensate by acting overly friendly despite the reality that he ended things and overreacted. He can't just pretend everything is fine. How he acted hurt you, and you have a right to not want to be friendly. Can you be polite for the sake of the children? Of course. But don't feel pressured to be super friendly or answer his texts or anything. If it bothers you, just explain you need space and would really prefer if you could be cordial for the children's sake, but nothing more. 

Please know that just like how there are good women like you in the world, there are good men, too, who are respectful and unconditionally loving. It will get better, you will find your special someone and they will find you ❤️! 

I know it feels like the world is against us, and this situation has validated all the negative thoughts that say you are tainted, but in reality, the world is for you. You are worthy, pure, clean, whole. You are YOU! Challenge those negative thoughts. Do something that makes you feel empowered. 

After a rejection or a guy upsets me, I like to take a nice shower, do some self-care (like actually shaving my legs during quarantine lol) and just enjoy some time with those who love me for me. 

When I am happiest and not looking for romance, that it when I feel like it is all around me. Remember, have faith. So many others on here have felt hopeless and destroyed by breakups, but they are now so so so happy with someone who loves them for ALL of them, herpes included. ❤️ And no one can find their soul mate without weeding out those who aren't meant for them in the first place.

Stay strong! You are a strong mama bear 🐻🐨❤️! 

Sending blessings your way ☀️🍀!

-- Grace

 

[DistressedLady]

Ah thank you for your lovely reply. I read your post after I wrote mine and was so excited for you and I’m sorry it didn’t work out. It’s great that you didn’t let it upset you and understood his reasons and moved forward. In my situation it’s hard as I’ve been told absolutely that the reason we are not together is because of the HSV2. It’s so unfair. 
My ex and I had been good friends for a few years and did a lot of stuff together as we are both single parents. He is a lovely man with a good heart - even though his behaviour completely stunned me. So it’s hard as I’ve lost the man I loved and also my only other single parent friend. 
I know I’m a good person worthy of love but this really hurts and I don’t know how to find anything positive in it right now. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi!! 

Aw, I cannot even imagine the pain your are feeling. It's also really hard to be a single parent. My mom is a single parent, but honestly being raised by a single mom made me such a strong and independent woman! 

I have been rejected a few times, but right off the bat. Dating someone for so long and then having them act that way really is just so disappointing. I'm so sorry! 

If you had a friend who was going through the same thing, what would you tell them? Talk to yourself like how you'd talk to them ❤️.

Exercise, yoga, doing a fun "field trip" with the kids, etc might help you take your mind off your hurt. Something my mom would do when I was little was go on a "field trip", and she would take my brother and I to a new little place nearby we had never been to. We went to a little farm to get ice cream, a new playground, or a forest and take a hike and go for a nature scavenger hunt (make a list of animals or flowers to find). 

I'm 22 now, but my mom told me recently that me and my brother got us through some of her toughest times, even though she was lonely that she didn't have an adult partner by her side. I totally understand this, as I am going to be a special education teacher-- children are so much more fun than adults!! ❤️🌄.

Please know you are so so so loved and beautiful. Every time you need a reminder of that, please feel free to direct message me or just post on this forum!! ❤️ We are all here to support you. 

Blessings!