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I may have passed it

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My ex let me know that she was positive. Her disclosure was from the viewpoint that she wasn’t sure how she got it and that she was so sorry if she passed it to me. The truth is that I had already informed her when we first started dating three years prior that I had it but because I take Acyclovir twice a day and have been for 15 years that I rarely get outbreaks. Still I reminded her that I disclosed this info to her three years ago. Now she is upset with me like this information is new. I’m guessing she forgot that we had the conversation a few years ago.  I regret reminding her about a previous conversation and feel like I should have just let her think she gave it to me. BUT I KNOW that would have been a horrible thing to do. Part of me is glad that I reminded her but the other part is guilty and embarrassed that I reminded her. The other horrible thing is that we work together so it’ll be hard to get through this. 

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First, I am so sorry that your ex has herpes. If anything, she is struggling with the diagnosis, and feels just like we all have; like her life is over and she is dirty or bad. The good thing here is that can empathize with her pain and sadness. If you feel comfortable offering your shoulder for her to cry on, or if she has any questions about HSV, etc, then perhaps offering help if she needs it would be a kind thing to do.

Second, yes, while it may have been hard to be honest about having the conversation three years ago, it is better than lying and have her live with the guilt of her having possibly passed it to you. While it did cause her to be upset with you, you did the right thing. We cannot control how other react, but we CAN control if we are honest or not. Similarly, she was honest with you about having possibly passed it to you, and told you right away when she found out she tested positive. Obviously, you both care about being honest with one another, and that is wonderful and respectful 🙂.

If you have not been together in three years, and she just found out she had HSV, is it possible she may have gotten it from someone else? Or, has she been asymptomatic for three years? If she tested positive while having her primary outbreak, it seems like perhaps she got it from her current partner. If she tested positive via blood, she may have built up the antibodies since three years ago and has been asymptomatic or had sores but did not notice them, or thought they were pimples or ingrown hairs. 

I am so sorry you are both under such stress. Everything will be okay! ❤️ 

Sending blessings and positivity your way! 🙂 



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