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What would you do


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Three years ago I had symptoms I thought could be herpes ( I am very knowledgeable about the condition how common etc ) I got it swabbed at STD clinic and it was negative . 
 

Family dr said likely it could be herpes given my age etc and prevalence and that swabs can be misleading. 

 

was told to watch it for next little while 

I haven’t had anything like it since except for an itchy spot/ little cut lasted two days one year ago . Gone before I could get it looked at 

I am hesitant to get antibody testing as I know it has it often complicated things 

what do I do in terms of disclosure ? 
I mentioned to the guy I’m seeing now that I once thought I had herpes and carry a high index of suspicion given prevalence etc 

he said oh yea they don’t really test for it and 90% of people don’t know they have it … he told me had chlamydia once .  That is kind of where we left the conversation 

i was relieved but now after a few weeks ( and having had sex) I wonder if i need to say or do more ? we talked about getting tested and not using protection but I know they will not test for herpes . I always use protectionniste thé past ,  he has been open that he doesn’t - which is why I said we need to get tested . Now I’m feeling all conflicted 😐 I don’t want to open the HSV testing can of worms for us …. 
 
 

 

  • Like 1
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Hello! 🙂 

Great question. Sorry about the tricky situation you are in! It will all be okay. 

Not having a clear diagnosis can be really scary, because it keeps that worry in the back of our minds all the time. We worry we might pass it to our partner, etc, and this can really distract us from being happy and enjoying time with our partner!

It's great that he was understanding and has knowledge about herpes. He is right, it's often not tested for, since such a large majority of the population has HSV-1, and many people have HSV-2, and people can have both asymptomatically.  It's great that he also disclosed his previous sexual health history of have chlamydia. Honesty makes such a difference and shows respect for one another! 

If you wanted to get HSV antibody tested, you can get IgG antibody blood test. Doctors are often hesitant to write a labwork script for this, but since you have seen sores before, and it's YOUR body, so the doctors should write you the script, I would say ask your OBGYN or PCP for the script if you want to. Since it's been three years since the symptoms, your body would have built up detectable amounts of antibodies by now. It's good to know if you have it, for both you and your partner's sakes. 

Also, another way to think about if you have it is think if the person you were intimate with three years when/before you had the outbreak had HSV. Did that person ever tell you they had it? If you have no idea, that's okay! A blood test can be helpful. 

I hope this helps! Also, if he refuses to wear a condom, you can actually wear an internal condom. Internal condoms are inserted into the vaginal cavity and line up with the cervix. They are awesome because they empower those with vaginas to choose if they want protection-- they don't need to feel like they don't have a choice if their partner doesn't want to wear a condom. Like seriously, people... it is NOT an excuse for people to say, "oh well im "too big" to wear one." or "They are not comfortable." Then try another brand or size! I mean, remember, it's not only to protect his penis, but to protect YOUR BODY too! Perhaps an STI panel for both of you would be great, although it doesn't check for HSV, it checks for the other main STIs. Then, if you really pushed your doctor or OBGYN, you could get an HSV IgG blood test.

I hope this helps! 🙂 

Stay well ❤️ 

Blessings,

Grace 

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7 minutes ago, Flowerteacher55 said:

Hello! 🙂 

Great question. Sorry about the tricky situation you are in! It will all be okay. 

Not having a clear diagnosis can be really scary, because it keeps that worry in the back of our minds all the time. We worry we might pass it to our partner, etc, and this can really distract us from being happy and enjoying time with our partner!

It's great that he was understanding and has knowledge about herpes. He is right, it's often not tested for, since such a large majority of the population has HSV-1, and many people have HSV-2, and people can have both asymptomatically.  It's great that he also disclosed his previous sexual health history of have chlamydia. Honesty makes such a difference and shows respect for one another! 

If you wanted to get HSV antibody tested, you can get IgG antibody blood test. Doctors are often hesitant to write a labwork script for this, but since you have seen sores before, and it's YOUR body, so the doctors should write you the script, I would say ask your OBGYN or PCP for the script if you want to. Since it's been three years since the symptoms, your body would have built up detectable amounts of antibodies by now. It's good to know if you have it, for both you and your partner's sakes. 

Also, another way to think about if you have it is think if the person you were intimate with three years when/before you had the outbreak had HSV. Did that person ever tell you they had it? If you have no idea, that's okay! A blood test can be helpful. 

I hope this helps! Also, if he refuses to wear a condom, you can actually wear an internal condom. Internal condoms are inserted into the vaginal cavity and line up with the cervix. They are awesome because they empower those with vaginas to choose if they want protection-- they don't need to feel like they don't have a choice if their partner doesn't want to wear a condom. Like seriously, people... it is NOT an excuse for people to say, "oh well im "too big" to wear one." or "They are not comfortable." Then try another brand or size! I mean, remember, it's not only to protect his penis, but to protect YOUR BODY too! Perhaps an STI panel for both of you would be great, although it doesn't check for HSV, it checks for the other main STIs. Then, if you really pushed your doctor or OBGYN, you could get an HSV IgG blood test.

I hope this helps! 🙂 

Stay well ❤️ 

Blessings,

Grace 

THANK YOU SO MUCH for the support my concerns are this

 

1) I minimized the fact I may have it and his risk . like I stated it like I didn’t have it ?

2) we are planning to get tested for the other STI but I feel I’m being deceitful if I don’t get HSV in the panel knowing full well it won’t be included 

3) i got nervous and asked my dr side  valtrex daily to reduce my anxiety on transmission but now feel Im hiding something when I’m trying to do the right thing 

 

what I want is to know the disclosure was ok and forget about this for now it feels like much ado about nothing right now and like I’m being forced to take that test to be in integrity 

 

help 

 

 

  • Like 1
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Hello! 

First, just breathe. It'll be okay! 🙂 

It is really great that you care so much about honesty. The fact that you feel deceitful means you have a conscious, which is great! 

It can be really scary and difficult to backtrack on a conversation, since it might appear like you lied at first and now are trying to be honest about having it. I would say you could reintroduce the topic, and say something like...

"Hey, I wanted to talk about STIs again and clarify some things. I was really nervous before so I didn't express things exactly how I should/wanted to. Basically, although herpes is common, I wanted to get a blood test to verify if I have it or not. Even with the test, false negatives are possible, and I want to make sure you understand the risks if we end up being intimate. Whether I have an active outbreak or not, you could still get it. If I do have herpes, I can take a suppressive medication for it to reduce the likelihood of transmission, but again, it's still possible. First, I want to get the IgG blood test.."

Another thing that makes NO SENSE.... your doctor gave you Valtrex but refuses to give a blood test?! That makes no sense! First they should take the blood test to see if you actually have HSV! Definitely push for the blood test. Now, if you are nervous for asking for the blood test because you are afraid you'll get a positive result, I understand. The truth can be scary. But, it is liberating and honesty and the truth set us free! ❤️ 

I hope this all helps. Trust your heart. If it feels guilty, then stop what you are doing and reevaluate everything. Make choices you won't regret and choices that respect yourself and others involved. ❤️ 

Stay well! We are here for you! 

Blessings,

Grace

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Hello again!! 

Honestly, it depends on so many factors, including your body anatomy (if you have a penis or vagina), the number of outbreaks you have, and the type of HSV you have. I can check into stats, however remember that statistics always include those anomalies of people who end up passing HSV to their partners while doing everything "right". 

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