I am no longer disclosing. Here's why.

[mr_hopp]

Hi again @abbey road,

This is a continuation from your other post I just responded to, so there will be some duplication, but hopefully it helps it all to sink in more. 😉 

I hear your pain, and I want to start by saying it’s valid. What happened to you was unfair, and it’s natural to feel hurt and alone. But let me push back gently on some of the deep assumptions you’ve laid out because those beliefs are shaping how you see yourself and your future.

You mentioned that a nice man isn’t going to want you because of herpes. But here’s the thing: herpes is not what defines your worth. A truly kind, thoughtful, and caring man—someone you’d actually want in your life—isn’t going to reduce your entire value to a skin condition. The right person sees your honesty, your vulnerability, and the courage it takes to share something deeply personal. That’s what connects people on a real level.

I want to challenge this idea that you’re permanently “tainted” or undesirable. That’s a story, not a fact. And it’s a story we tell ourselves when we’re afraid of rejection—because rejecting ourselves first feels safer than risking someone else rejecting us. But as Anaïs Nin said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Staying wrapped up in that fear—believing no one will accept you—might feel safe, but it keeps you from the possibility of real connection.

You’ve shared your diagnosis with two people, and it didn’t work out. I get how discouraging that feels, but let’s reframe it. Those were two people who weren’t your match, but their reactions don’t predict the future. There are millions of people out there, and many who will understand and care for you as a whole person.

Stay strong ... you got this. 🙂