Unbelievably- doctor lied.

[pecan]

Guys! Pecan here... so I have been off and on the forum here over the last few years- about a long and very strange story regrading my hsv2 status- 20 years ago  a doctor told me I had hsv2- I had NO symptoms and was being treated for genital warts. She told me that there was a test throught the University of Washington that was THE gold standard, single most accuarte test that I could get if I paid out of pocket and that my blood sample would have to be packed and shipped to the university, etc. Keep in mind, 20 years ago this test was unheard of and certainly the first time I had ever heard about it. I was 26.

 

She told me that the test came back positive. This greatly, GREATLY affected me as I had already been dealing with a "permanent" STI (back then called STD's) genital warts (again, 20 years ago when it was NOT even commonly known of, hpv- and the mantra was "You have it forever") and also happen to have mental health issues due to a very abusive upbringing. That coupled with this diagnosis in addition to other health issues helped me on the road to alcoholism for about 13 years, as I had already grown up with no love- but abuse- and now it looked like I was going to just be alone forever- I have a lot of trauma and that diagnosis did not help.

 

Years later, after STILL having NO symptoms- I decided to get IgG tested at my GP's.

Negative. A few years later- negative again.

So, I decided to call the doctor that originally tested me and ask for my results on paper. They took a very, very long time to send me anything and there was a lot of ignoring my calls and shuffling me around- saying they lost my papers, saying they had to go look in archives- and then saying they "partially" found them- this went on for TWO years.

 

Finally the doctor got on the phone with me sounding very angry and suspicious- fired questons at me- was suspicious about the check I had sent to pay for my results and paperwork- then, agreed to give me another Western Blot (I had asked my GP doctor about it several times and he had no idea what I was talking about)- then, she put me on hold with the lab- and they had me on hold forever and then just eventually hung up on me. At some point the docotr even denied ever having given me the test.

I had suspected for a long time that she had simply lied to me about the diagnosis.

 

So  several years and TWO more negative iGG tests (always positive for hsv1 which I have had orally forever, no shocker) for a total of I believe FIVE negative Igg tests- I decided to bring up the facts to my gp again, about how I suspected that original doctor lied to me and pocketed my cash for the so called western blot. He was, at this point, well familiar with my anxiety over all of this and had by this time done also done a Western Blot for someone else- so I went ahead and did the test again.

Today I found out that I am, according to the Western Blot- NEGATIVE for hsv2.

I was RIGHT. That original doctor LIED to me to take my money- one hundred measly dollars?

 

I have been through 20 years of dating whoever would accept me based on a "double" diagnosis that I didn't have- I only had hpv- which is now believed to be a transient infection. I am in a loveless marriage because I thought "who would want me with 2 strains of herpes PLUS hpv"- because years ago it was thought that hpv was permanent.

 

I had talked to Terry Weston- who I would NOT reccommend- and after telling her about my experience- she PRAISED that LYING doctor for being "forward thinking".

 

My ASS.

She is a lying, amoral, psychopath.

I am so, so.... just, my head is spinning right now, just spinning. That doctor messed up my life for 100 dollars that she pocketed, why lie- just... why.

 

The trauma I mentioned earlier- plus now learning that I was RIGHT about my sexual health the WHOLE time- for DEACDES- that time lost, the rejections I have suffered, the blow to my already non existent self esteem...

I am just rocked today. 

 

I have complex ptsd, twice diagnosed- recovered alcoholic, and severe, SEVERE anxiety from my upbringing and life and that doctor... robbed me of so much.

 

And now even though I guess I should be happy for what I have learned I am just so angry and so upset and devastated that this doctor did such a terrible thing, and I am right about life- you really can't trust anyone.

 

It is a long and strange story and I do wish everyonen a healing journey on their road of sexual/mental health- hsv affects both because of the stigma.

 

I hope this post can have a place here. I am sorry to be overly emotion al but I am not equipped for this. My faith in humans was laready broken long before I was even close to grown, actually it never existed in the first place.

Please understand this is very personal, my views and feelings and I truly do not wish to make anyone feel bad about their status.

 

I appreciate you.

 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi, Pecan,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. 

First, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I cannot even imagine how it must feel to have lived a lie of shame for so long. I am so sorry about that. I truly hope you know that this is not your fault. Nothing is your fault. None of the past abuse and neglect. You did not deserve that and you did not deserve this terrible situation. 

Please know that you are strong, beautiful, and worthy of an amazing husband. You are not defined by having any illness or STI. I am so sorry that stigmas harmed your self esteem when you were first diagnosed with HPV. That is so terrible. No one should ever be shamed for anything, especially having a virus that they didn't ask for. 

You are not a victim. You are the hero of your own story and you are a badass! Not only did you not give up and kept advocating for yourself to find the truth, but you also have made it through so much. Addiction is a struggle, abuse is a struggle, negative relations are a struggle. But you have persevered and that is so beautiful. You are truly living proof that the truth always is told and advocating for ourselves is a wonderful thing that can truly change our lives 🌄.

In regards to now... Take time to grieve, feel emotions, and cry if you need to. You have every right to be frustrated with the completely unethical actions and motives of the that one doctor. That is disgraceful! The way people treat us is a reflection of THEM, not of us. So, no matter who is cruel, a spouse, a parent, a friend, a doctor, do not let this cloud the way you see yourself. You are wonderful and deserve to be treated with respect and kindness! 

If you need to talk, feel free to reach out. I understand the complexity of trauma and having an STI, and how having an STI can actually bring out anxiety, guilt, shame, and past feelings of trauma. Also, I have struggled with an eating disorder for years and it is similar to addiction patterns. If you need someone to talk to, I am here.

Sending blessings and prayers your way 🌄

- Grace

 

 

[pecan]

Thank you for the well thought out reply. I appreciate the time and thought you put in to that

 

I should probably say more but I am so reeling from all of this. Did not sleep much

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi! 

No worries at all!! I am so sorry you didn't sleep well. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. 

Blessings!

[Montana Skies]

What a crappy doctor! Very unethical!! Maybe you can look into suing her once you are in a healthy place. I however can't help to envy such a revelation, even after all of the turmoil.  I would love nothing more than to be rid of this disease.