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Diagnosed and totally lost


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I was diagnosed today with HSV2. 2.5 months ago I developed a tiny cut on my vagina after unprotected sex with someone I thought I could trust. I had it swabbed, it was negative, and the doctor reassured me I didn't have herpes (blood test was negative as well). Yesterday, the exact same tiny cut came back, in addition to a small, scabbed rash on my buttocks. I knew immediately and testing confirmed. HSV2.

For background, I'm 32F, single, living in NYC. I got divorced in March and was having so much fun dating and being single. I feel like that's all over now. Plus I'm so confused. I slept with someone between outbreaks (I obviously didn't know I had it). We used a condom. Do I have to tell him? Do I have to tell the person who (probably) gave it to me? I feel so alone and scared and anxious.

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Hello! 

First, breathe. Everything is going to be okay. You are not alone. You are not dirty. You are not bad. You are not a lost cause. You are pure. You are good. You are a blessing and you deserve respect and kindness and love! 

I am so sorry you have had this abrupt diagnosis, especially after being divorced and living the single life. Please know your dating life is NOT over. Don't give a common virus the power to ruin your love life. Love is stronger than anything! 

It is really hard to forgive ourselves for contracting HSV, but forgiving yourself and unconditionally loving and accepting yourself is such a key part in the healing process. Even though we have no reason to feel guilty or apologize for anything, telling ourselves we forgive ourselves helps us heal. It's not your fault you contracted this from someone. You may be mad at yourself, but forgive yourself and offer yourself love and kindness to get through this tough time. 

In regards to the person you have been with in between outbreaks, yeah, it is the ethical choice to tell the person you have HSV-2. You can explain that you were just diagnosed, but it seems you have had it since before you started seeing them. You can suggest they get an IgG blood test in 12+ weeks, or a swab test if they notice any sores. You can also provide a data fact sheet to help him process things, or a link to the CDC herpes site or even our fact sheets on this site! I can provide you with resources to share with him if you think it would help. 

Disclosure is really scary, and of course it doesn't feel good to have possible exposed someone to the virus. However, you did not know you had HSV. It's not your fault. However, is is an ethical duty to inform this person. Honesty is the best policy! 🌟

I hope this helps. Please reach out with any questions or concerns! We are here for you! ❤️ Stay strong!! 

Sending blessings and positive energy your way!

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