I am recently found infected and I am just shattered. Can somebody help me

[Orange]

[edited] I have tested positive for herpes. I am literally shattered after hearing the news.  I am falling into serious trauma. Need help.

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello,

I am so sorry you are facing this news. Please know you are not alone. You are not dirty. You are not bad. You are pure and good. It will be okay. 

It is possible for HSV to lay dormant for many years and then pop up suddenly. How were you diagnosed? Did you have symptoms or were you just getting routine blood work? Do you have HSV-2 or HSV-1, and do you know the location of where (you can have either at either region of the body).

Please know that you are not a danger to your baby or your wife. You are safe. HSV is shared via skin to skin contact with the infected area, and this risk increases when the virus is shedding or you are having an outbreak. You can still do laundry, share a shower, and share a home with your loved ones and not have them get infected. 

The social stigma fuels fear and judgement and incorrect stereotypes about HSV, but these aren't true. Stay focused on the facts, that this is a common virus that doesn't have any power unless you give it power!

Disclosing it to your wife may seem so scary. However, you are strong, and so is love. H cannot beat love! Kindness and compassion and love conquer all the fears and doubts and worries about H. Your wife will understand, and I'm sure she can help you overcome the emotional stress from the diagnosis. 

We are here for you!! If you need help figuring out what to say to tell your wife, we can help you draft a disclosure script. 

Be kind to yourself. It will all be okay.

Sending prayers and blessings to you and your family! 

[Orange]

[edited] Thank you so much to reply. I am feeling so depressed. Worried about loosing my family friends and career. I dont know what to do now

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello,

I'm so sorry about all of this. Don't give up hope! This situation is very difficult but communication, honesty, and sincere apologies with effort to make positive change all help the situation get better. 

Honesty is the best policy. Sit down with your wife and talk to her about it. Obviously, refrain from sex and intimacy for right now so you don't pass it to her.

When you tell her, choose a time where she isn't distracted or already exhausted by work, the baby, etc.

She may be hurt, angry, confused, etc, and she is allowed to feel that way. She may need space and that's okay, too. Ask her what you can do to help this heal. She may ask you to stop drinking, if drinking creates problems in your life. 

You need to express you did something wrong, and you hurt her and your family by doing so. Own up to the mistake and ask for forgiveness, which she may not be ready to give yet, and that's okay. Healing, understanding, and comprehending a situation takes time. 

I also wanted to ask why you hooked up with someone. A drunk man's actions are often a sober man's thoughts, and sadly alcohol can influence people to act on these thoughts. Really think about why you did this, identify why it happened, and really genuinely work to help your relationship heal. 

Stay strong and be honest. 

I'm praying for you and your family.