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So upset, and so many things going through my head.

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I can see this is all too common in here, so I'm sure you're all very accustomed to the emotions. I had my first symptoms /  outbreak December 22nd. I told my spouse after Christmas because I didn't want to ruin the holidays. The part that just gets me (and I've looked all over for info since then) is how did she not know? And is it really possible I finally got it after 2 1/2 years together? We're so active, well at least we were and it just boggles me that if she had it since the beginning that it would take so long for me to get.


She swears up and down that she hasn't cheated (but thinks she may have gotten it from her ex husband). And the last time they were together was like 10 years ago!!


So wtf, she had to have cheated right?

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Hi Mr. Northern! I hope all is well. I am so sorry to hear about your current situation with your spouse! It should not boggle you about not noticing an outbreak until now. People can have very strong immune systems to keep the contagiousness dormant and outbreaks minimized.

According to my research, most genital herpes infections don’t have symptoms, also known as "asymptomatic herpes." The symptoms are unidentifiable enough that the person suffering from them will not correlate that with herpes. It is estimated 10 to 15 percent of people with herpes show symptoms. Your partner needs to be aware that she could have been asymptomatic this whole time, and you or your partner could have carried it without knowing, while both of you remain faithful. 

The person that I believe I contracted herpes from, claimed that she never even had herpes to begin with. She said she received her frist outbreak 24 hours after I received mine.

If she never realized she had herpes, there was a chance that I did give it to her, and I was the one who was asymptomatic the whole time and never had a first outbreak.

If she was lying, she never admitted to it. There's a possibility she was, since the same exact thing happened with chlamydia and gonnerhea after we rekindled our romance.

The only evidence I had against the apparent asymptomatic clause is because my professional doctor told me that she 100% gave it to me because there is no such thing as not getting a first outbreak within 1-2 weeks of contracting herpes.

I hope this helped and everything goes the way it should with your spouse!


- dan

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I did go to the Dr. the day I noticed the blisters. The test on the blisters came back positive, but my blood came back negative. They told me that showed it was an initial outbreak for me. I had also been checked for everything under the sun before we even started dating, again all negative.

I joined here right away looking for answers and knowledge from people with experience. But never posted until now. I guess outbreak number 2 just a few days shy of 2 months after getting it fired up everything in my head again.


She's never been tested for it. But when I had the talk with her that I just got herpes. She just said, "Well I kinda figured he gave something to me."

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Same thing happened to me. Was with a girl for about a year, no problems. about 10 months in boom. She told me she has never had a symptom and had no idea but that her ex would get “heat rashes“ once in a while and he was a complete scumbag. I get how emotional and erratic you are. Paranoid. Ultimately I chose to believe that she did not know.

and yes, a positive swab and negative blood test is a strong indicator that you do not have the antibodies built up in your blood yet. That means you’ve most likely just contracted it. Go back in three months and you will probably test positive in your blood.

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Hello, @Northern guy,

First, I am so sorry for the stress you have been experiencing. Please know it will all be alright. We are here to support you 🍀☀️.

This sounds like a primary outbreak since the swab came back positive while the blood came back negative, as it takes 12+ weeks for an IgG blood test to come back positive. What it an IgG or an IgM blood test that you received? 

As an educational moment for all our friends: swab tests are prone to error, as if the swabber doesn't swab enough viral DNA, it has a tendency to produce false negatives or positives. Also, blood tests can certainly produce misreadings as well! Therefore, in general, it would be a great idea to get the IgG blood test in 12+ weeks. I hope this helps clarify testing! 

It is possible your partner did not pass it to you until now; perhaps she wasn't shedding at times you were previously intimate. Your partner mentioned to you that she "figured her ex gave her something," Did she explain why? Perhaps she did have symptoms previously and neglected to get them checked out or thought it was some other type of rash or irritation. 

Perhaps sitting down with your partner and having a clear communication session would help clear up this tension and confusion. 

This is your health here, and that matters! You matter, too! For your mental and physical healths' sakes, your relationship's sake, and for your partner's health's sake, discussion and honesty should occur.

Stay strong and be kind to yourself. 💛☀️



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  • 4 months later...

I’m so sorry you’re on the emotional roller coaster that it seems most of us are also riding. Don’t be too hard on your partner. My husband doesn’t have it, according to bloodwork that I made him get immediately, but I do. We have been together 15yrs and I have never cheated nor has he. I am only the 3rd person he has ever been with and he is friends with his exes as am I since meeting them years ago and they do not have it either. My doctor told me that it is possible I have had it all these years but never had symptoms. I’m still convinced I got it from sitting naked on the bench in the locker room after basketball while changing but the Dr says that’s not possible. I’m not sure I believe her. Either way now we have it so the how and when are irrelevant, it’s how we move forward. Don’t let me fool you, I sound confident and ok with it but that could not be further from the truth. Advice is so much easier given than followed. Thank God we found a community to go through this with that understands and feels our pain. 

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