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Being alone without being lonely

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Hi all,

I’m a 23 year old female and about two months ago I got out of a four year relationship with someone who understood me really well and knew about my condition and everything. Long story short, the relationship wasn’t working for a lot of reasons, but we still want to be friends and still love each other very much. 

Once I got out of the relationship, I felt this need to be with someone. I feel so alone all the time. My body image is terrible, I feel so abnormal for having HSV, even though I know how common it is. The stigma is worse than the condition itself. 

I hooked up with someone and I didn’t disclose. Now I feel like the worst person on the planet and the guilt is eating away at me. I just want to be loved so badly but I know what’s best for me is to be alone - and that hookup doesn’t love me anyways. 

I feel incredibly vulnerable posting this, I hope that no one attacks me. I shouldn’t have done what I did. But I’m looking for anyone who might relate.


I’m also curious if anyone has had an experience with feeling this need to be around people all the time? I want to learn how to be alone without feeling like crap about myself. I hate being lonely but I feel like it’s probably what’s best for me right now. I have this constant need for external validation, especially from men. I don’t know how to fix it, but I really want to. 

Any advice is appreciated, or even if anyone has experienced these things. I just want to feel less alone in this I guess. 

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Hi Friend! 

First, just breathe. You are not dirty. You are not unlovable. You are not bad. You are pure and clean. You are loveable and worthy of love and respect. You are good. 

You will not be judged here. This is a space for you to speak and gain support. We are here for you! 

How you are feeling is very common. I am so sorry you feel so alone. Please know that you are not alone, we are all here for you. Being with someone for four years and then suddenly having no one really must feel so shocking. It is normal to have a period of time where you need to grieve. All emotions are okay to feel, it's what we do with them that matters. 

Really take time and sort through your feelings. You feel alone. Dig deeper. What is it about being alone that makes you sad? Do you feel rejected? Do you feel not good enough? Hopeless? Alone with your feelings and thoughts? This may be an amazing opportunity to learn self love and acceptance. When we have someone with us who is , we tend to forget to accept ourselves first, as we are. We kind of bury that because we fill our bucket with the love and acceptance from our partner. However, loving and accepting yourself as you are is essential for thriving and growing and living your best life, which you deserve!! ☀️💛

Work on loving yourself. Write down a list of facts versus lies. For example: Lie: I am dirty because I have HSV ; Truth: I am clean and pure and good, and HSV could never ever change that. Like: I am weak without a partner ; Truth: I am strong and steady, whether I have a partner or not. Etc! Remember, fear is a liar. You ARE good enough. You ARE worthy of love and respect, from yourself and from others. When we feel bad about ourselves, we may self-sabotage or engage in self destructive behaviors. However, you deserve love and positive happy healthy behaviors. Remember, intimacy with others is okay, but of course honest comes first. Telling someone of your status is essential, and remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed about when you disclose to someone. Be proud and hold your head high, always! To help you heal, you can contact this person and explain to them of your status. They may be very upset, but it's better to tell them now so if they start experiencing symptoms they can go get tested. Also, they should know so they don't unknowingly pass it to someone. 

After you are honest with them, forgive yourself, and move on the better things. You are strong! You can do this. And you deserve to be happy and feel safe and comfortable in your own body. 

Please reach out if you need someone to talk to! 

I hope this helps!! 

Sending blessings and prayers your way ☀️🕊️

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