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When to disclose?

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I just started seeing this guy. We've been on a few dates and I can tell this could lead somewhere however I am having real anxiety about disclosing. I'm not sure when or what to even say. I have learned getting herpes was NOT my fault and it does NOT define me as a person however the stigma of it is so hard to break. I am terrified that I will be rejected yet again. My last boyfriend was also HSV 2 positive so it was great not having to have the conversation or even try to explain it is manageable, you can still have a fantastic sex life and intimacy you just need to be a little more cautious. I am on anti-viral meds and have not have any sores (I do get the tingling and pain on my legs periodically when I get over stressed) in about 6-8 months. The last time I had sores was when I tried to stop the anti-viral meds. So I still take them regularly. I really like this guy and part of me thinks he'll be ok with it but part of me thinks he will "lose" my number. Just at a loss of when to say something or what to even say. 

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Commenting, because I too, would like to know how to disclose. I’ve only recently re-entered the dating world after my result, and I am afraid of the rejection too. A guy I used to talk to reached back out, and I’ve been in my head about just walking away, or telling him so he can walk away. My closest friends keep telling me, I’ll know when it feels right, and that I don’t need to say anything until we get to that point. I know they’re right, but it’s hard not to feel a certain way. 

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Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Fatladysangnocure

Sadly, you already know the answer to your question. People, only have to Google: Herpes, and they will see the PICTURES , read the statistics about Outbreaks, Meds>Suppressants< What Herpes does to your body etc..The STIGMA, despite what some say, is a reality. Not many without, are willing, no matter how they "feel", will risk the chance, no matter how miniscule, of being infected. Wish you well.


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@Fatladysangnocure Hello,

I hope you are well. 

I am sorry that herpes has caused you trauma. 

I want to personally let you know that there are many people who do not automatically cling to the stigmas surrounding herpes; in fact many of the people I have disclosed to were unphased by it. Some people even were well-versed on it, acknowledging that it's a common virus and they know people with it or they have cold sores themselves, etc. 

Please know that there are understanding humans out there, and the world is so much broader than our own experiences. If others have been unkind to you, I am so sorry. You did not deserve that. Please know that it isn't your fault and you are not alone. You are worthy of love and kindness, not just from others, but from yourself, too. 

Herpes is not a death sentence. If anything, it is something that shifts our perspective to see the world and others in a more empathetic and holistic light. I am much more caring of my body now than I once was. I have had to overcome the guilt and shame and suffering and it has made me stronger. I do not wish the struggles upon others of course, but for those who have this Cross to bear, I believe it is for a reason, and we can overcome it.

If you are angry at the world or at yourself, please forgive the world and yourself. Forgiveness sets you free. And you are deserving of forgiveness. ❤️ 

I am here for you if you need to talk. 

Stay kind to yourself and others!



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Guest Fatladysangnocure

So, you also have Herpes for 45 plus Years. Yes ? Heard it all. False Hope. Clinical Trials, more Money, More Tests, Close to a Cure, or at least a pill, that will stop a Non Herpes person, from catching it. Ten Years, a Cure would probably be found ! Wait. That was 1977..78..? Reality>2022..almost 2023. and ? Same rhetoric  from the Drug Companies, Researchers, Doctors. We need MORE Money, for Research Trials, Testing on Animals. We are CLOSE , to finding a Cure ! Exciting Times ! And...TEN years from now, the SAME of what I stated above, will be rehashed and spit out. Anyone, ever check on where the Money went ? Have they made Profits off US ? Oh, yes, they have/are and will continue, as long as the GOLDEN $uppre$$ant$ GEESE ( US )  are Dependent * on them !  I wish, that there was a "survey". On ? How many with Herpes, are alone, depressed, with someone, with or without Herpes> enjoying life> not sitting at their PC Screens on Holidays/Week Ends. How many have Hope, or given up. I am much older now, since I have caught Herpes. Despite my "age", I look much Younger, in shape yada yada.. Seriously though, it matters not. The STIGMA is strong, the dating scene is a Desert, especially now older and having a very contagious, Non Curable STD. I feel sorry, for the NEW people coming to these Sites, as they  Research/ Study/ Speak with others about a possible Cure. Hoping as they are now doing,  as I once did.  That "Cross" as you stated to me, has only Broken my Spirit, My Happiness, My Hopes, Confidence, Physical, as well as Mentally. Sadly, and not trying to be "Dramatic", the only Cure will be the final breath. Thank you, for reaching out. Appreciate that. I must be HONEST with myself, and can not sugar coat this anymore.

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I'm sorry you experienced that pain and struggle and still experience this. I do believe that there is so much more to life than herpes. I know it has impacted so many areas of your life, but I don't think it means life is meaningless and the only cure will be the last breath of life. Life is what we make it... And I'm not saying it's easy! I'm saying it's worth it 🌻🦋💛 and you're worth it!! 💛🦋🌻 !!! 

If you need anything I am here for you. Don't let the cynicism and corruption and other things in this world drag you down. 

Sending prayers and blessings your way! 🦋💛🌻


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