Needing insight and shared experiences

[Better]

I am almost 5 years into being married to my husband, he has cheated and I just got a positive result for HSV2 a few weeks ago. He has said he has not had an outbreak and can’t believe it. But I did, and I had no idea what I was experience would be this. I’m heartbroken and really struggling. I have dealt with so much from my husband that I have not deserved, but I always knew at the end of the day no matter what he did to me or said to me, I could always be true to myself and the person I am, but it feels like now he’s taken that from me as well. He has left me emotionally, mentally, and now physically damaged forever. I feel like it’s my fault because I should’ve left him before this could happen. I have just tried so hard to keep my family together. I feel like a failure and I feel like a victim of so many things because of him and I don’t want to feel that way. My doctor’s office gave me some information but not much. Just gave me 10 day course of antivirals, called me with positive results and said if an outbreak happens again call for a refill. The outbreak was so painful and I felt terrible with fever, I lost nearly 15 lbs in a week. I’m just trying so hard to feel better but I feel so low with no escape. I am still experiencing things that I don’t know are normal or what they mean because like I said, there wasn’t much talk about symptoms or what to expect. I definitely feel like the outbreak isn’t exactly over I feel far from normal. How long did your first one last? How do you know it’s going away? How do you keep them from coming back? 
 

I do plan on consulting a therapist and possibly another doctor for more insight, but I really wanted to hear from people who understand. 

[Seeker1960]

Hi @Better I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Some people do get so mild of symptoms they don't know they have it. You know your the other aspects of your relationship with your husband. Some would say that he possibly could have had it before you were married and that you just got it now from him. Has he been tested? What kind of test confirmed your positive result? Swab or blood?

If he is recently infected he would have still been contagious without a positive blood test. It takes weeks to months to develop the antibodies to show up positive on a blood test. If he has a high igg it could indicated a previous infection if he has high igm it could mean a recent infection.

You should get couples counseling and get to the bottom of things and see if you can salvage your marriage. The HSV may have been from infidelity or it might have been preexisting some experts would say. 

You know the other aspects of you marriage and if there are other reasons to suspect infidelity. 

I think there are some female members who can give you some good answers on the other parts of your question as to the duration of the initial outbreak and so on. 

This can affect everyone differently depending on how our immune system responds and how well it suppresses it.

Hang in there and know you are not alone in your situation. That there are others like you who are here to support you.

Be good to yourself. 

[Bloomer]

Hey @Better and welcome! 

So sorry for your situation but let me assure you that you will be better.  First outbreak is usually the worst and takes much longer to subside. Lot of people have great success with antivirals so if you notice that you have frequent outbreaks you can start taking antivirals daily in order to reduce number of outbreaks. Some people take antivirals only during outbreak and some don't take antivirals at all. It's up to you. Luckily most of the people have mild symptoms and get seldom outbreaks and maybe you will be one of them. 

Since your husband cheated on you it would be a good thing to get tested for other STD's if you didn't already. 

[Better]

5 hours ago, Seeker1960 said:

Hi @Better I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Some people do get so mild of symptoms they don't know they have it. You know your the other aspects of your relationship with your husband. Some would say that he possibly could have had it before you were married and that you just got it now from him. Has he been tested? What kind of test confirmed your positive result? Swab or blood?

If he is recently infected he would have still been contagious without a positive blood test. It takes weeks to months to develop the antibodies to show up positive on a blood test. If he has a high igg it could indicated a previous infection if he has high igm it could mean a recent infection.

You should get couples counseling and get to the bottom of things and see if you can salvage your marriage. The HSV may have been from infidelity or it might have been preexisting some experts would say. 

You know the other aspects of you marriage and if there are other reasons to suspect infidelity. 

I think there are some female members who can give you some good answers on the other parts of your question as to the duration of the initial outbreak and so on. 

This can affect everyone differently depending on how our immune system responds and how well it suppresses it.

Hang in there and know you are not alone in your situation. That there are others like you who are here to support you.

Be good to yourself. 

I do know he was unfaithful. The test I had last year was a blood test which was negative and this one was a swab which was positive. The doctor told me that would mean he cheated and it was recently, told me 1 in 4 women would have it if she swabbed everyone, gave me 10 day antivirals and that’s it. When they called me to tell me it was positive they said if I ever have an outbreak again call for a refill on the antivirals. And that’s it no other information or anything! So all of that I really am not sure about! I guess that’s one reason I’ve been so in my head about everything because I’ve had no one to talk to, my doctor didn’t even explain anything or really talk about it 

[Better]

44 minutes ago, Bloomer said:

Hey @Better and welcome! 

So sorry for your situation but let me assure you that you will be better.  First outbreak is usually the worst and takes much longer to subside. Lot of people have great success with antivirals so if you notice that you have frequent outbreaks you can start taking antivirals daily in order to reduce number of outbreaks. Some people take antivirals only during outbreak and some don't take antivirals at all. It's up to you. Luckily most of the people have mild symptoms and get seldom outbreaks and maybe you will be one of them. 

Since your husband cheated on you it would be a good thing to get tested for other STD's if you didn't already. 

Thank you for your reply! I was very glad to see two helpful replies on my post. My dr did none of that. And did not swab for anything else. I am really hoping I can at least start to feel physically normal again, it’s been almost 4 weeks. I feel like I can’t even work on my mental situation 

[Seeker1960]

Unfortunately the medical community is relying is limited and outdated information concerning HSV. It was frustrating when I was trying to get answers. You can find more useful and valid information on these forums from people who have been dealing with this for many years. 

As for your outbreak, according to how quickly your immune system responds will determine the course and the frequency of them. Feeling normal as in pre infection is another issue. It's different for everyone so it will take awhile to see what your new normal is. 

I am very sorry about your situation. It is a lot to deal with physically and emotionally. You will get through this tough time and sort things out. You can seek counseling or spiritual support. You want to take care of yourself and get yourself in a good position to make any future decisions. I am not a counselor but I am here to offer any help to you that I can. You can message me also if you want to.

Take care of yourself, get strong and do what is best for you right now.

[beihaigirl2004]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I am almost 2 years into my diagnosis. It was hard to accept at first and now most days I am ok with it but some days I still get upset. My initial outbreak was awful and lasted over a month. The pain was so bad it hurt to pee and the leg pain was unbearable at times. Some things that helped me was adding Lysine to my antiviral medication, Motrin, and baths with baking soda (the ONLY thing that helped the itching). But they subsided and then I started to mentally heal with this group and my friends. I do take antiviral meds only because every time I try to go off of them I have an outbreak so I continue to take them. Life will get better. This forum is great for support and information. I wish you the best and remember it is not your fault and you are still an amazing person!