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Finally got the Nerve to disclose herpes


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So after a few months of pretty consistent communication with a girl I went on a few dates with prior to moving to Miami for the rest of the year. I was starting to get to the point of thinking this may actually go somewhere when I moved back. I knew with the building sexual tension I was going to have to eventually disclose. And with the advice on here of maybe not waiting until the actual moment(and potentially killing the mood) I decided to sack up and just do it last night over FaceTime.

 

I could not be more happy with the results. While at this time I dont know what it means for the physical aspect of our relationship. My ability to be open and vulnerable with her brought her to tears. I surprised her but in a good way. I feel a great weight lifted off me and now that I've done it once I feel capable of doing it again if need be. Thank you everyone for the support.

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I'm so proud of you, bro. It takes courage (strength from the heart) to disclose vulnerably like that, especially as a man. I love that it brought her to tears. See how it's not about the herpes at all? It's about us allowing ourselves to connect with our own vulnerability; then that gives others a chance to connect with that in us and in themselves, if that's what they are available for, too. It sounds like she is. Thank you for sharing this win with us!

 

P.S. Remember all of the worrying and doubting and second guessing yourself that you did here? Think back on all of that. Did all of that worrying help at all? Did all of that wasted energy of doubting that she would accept you help? All it took was deciding to go for it and speak from your heart.

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Adrial, actually I think some of the doubting and second guessing might have helped me. I know that sounds backwards but it really made me think of how I wanted to say it and say it in a manner that was true and from the heart. Granted I probably should have cut that second guess in half but hey I got where I wanted to . First time is always the hardest/ most awkward. But if I made it through that then Im pretty confident I can take on any talk now. Love you guys

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Great! I'm glad you brought that up, man. Because I do agree that getting clear with yourself first before disclosing to someone else is absolutely key (because we can transmit shame to someone else's psyche in a millisecond if we're swimming in it ourselves). And what I'm referring to is more the tendency that we have to beat ourselves up and SUFFER as we're second guessing and doubting leading up to considering a disclosure. That's the part that doesn't help. That's the wasted energy that only ends up hurting us in the long run. We can bypass the suffering and move into caring about disclosing in a true, authentic, heartfelt way. Feel me on that?

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So glad to hear this happened for you. I think it's a turning point. The way you described your life in Miami in another post...work gym eat sleep...sounded exactly like my friend described his life after he found out. Like he was living in a fog. It went on for a couple of years. Then he met someone who took a risk with him...accepted his state. She "unlocked" him he said. Seems maybe your friend did the same for you. Things will begin to brighten for you now.

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