My past, My present, My future

[AnnieO]

I contracted herpes in my early 20s. (I really dont know how to start this). I've been in and out of relationships since. Some long term with those that were willing to take that extra "risk". Most where heart breaking because of my "issue". I have two wonderful adult children. Those were the two that were at the most risk. I just recently divorced after 22 years and all that time, and all the stress he put me through, I never had an outbreak. It was amazing! I recently started dating this incredible man! 6 months now. (I'll spare you all those details). California has seen the worse weather ever this year. We got so much rain and snow that it was hard to keep up on the damage control. My anxiety and stress levels were pushing the limit. I like to think of myself as "unflappable". Anyway, through all the changes of the divorce, getting a new roommate/coworker and my youngest daughter springing some crazy ideas my way I had an outbreak. Because it's been so long since my last one, I went to my doctor to have it confirmed. She put me on AntiVirals and it cleared up fairly quickly. Now for my future. Part of me wonders if I should have stayed married to my narcissistic/ alcoholic husband because at this point I'm not sure if forever single is for me (at least thats how it felt at that moment of conformation). In all fairness to my new friend I had to say something. In the past I've had multiple reactions. The worse one is rejection. They back away like you have the plague. Some back away gracefully. Still my heart sinks. So, back to my new man. I briefly discussed my problem through tears streaming down my face. He hugged me, but didnt have much to say. We still see each other, but it feels different. Like now it's an awkward struggle to be ourselves again. He still includes "us" and "we" when he takes about things he'd like us to do in the near future, but part of me braces for the impact when he decides that I'm not safe...does this all make sense? I feel like I'm now just rambling. getting hard to type this through the tears and sadness. Kind of pathetic, right? So glad I found this site. I always wondered if there was a support group out there. Having Herpes sure makes you feel so alone, but life presses on and I need to do make the best of it. Thank you..

[AlliKat12]

Hello,

Herpes is never a reason to stay with someone who isn't worth staying with.   

I know rejection can make you feel like you arent worth it or something is wrong with you but when the right person comes along they wont leave.  It might be a little awkward now but just give it some time and see where things go with this new person.  Maybe you could let this person know that you feel like things are a little distant and see what they are feeling or thinking about the situation. 

You never know, maybe you wont have another outbreak once things calm down.   

This site is a very good place for knowledge and help.  There are thousands of people on this site who feel what you feel at some point in their lives. 

[AnnieO]

Thank you for the encouraging words. Yes, I do feel things have gotten a bit awkward and I dont know how to talk with him about it. My conversation skills have always been weak. It's amazing how I can bs my way through some conversations, but Im having a hard time with this particular topic.  I need to start viewing the videos on this topic. There is so much more to my story, but I also have a hard time putting my thoughts into words, so my posts will seem a bit scattered to say the least. I'm so glad I found this site. I wish I would have searched for it earlier.  Have a wonderful Wednesday. 

[mr_hopp]

@AnnieO Not pathetic at all. Courageous is more the word I'd choose. 🙂

First of all, I just want to say that I'm so sorry to hear about your recent outbreak and how it's been affecting you emotionally. It sounds like you've been through a lot already with your herpes diagnosis and your previous marriage, and now with the added stress of a new relationship and other life changes.

It's completely understandable to feel scared and vulnerable when disclosing your herpes status to a new partner, especially if you've had negative reactions in the past. But I want you to know that you are not defined by your herpes, and your worth and value as a person and a partner is not diminished by it.

It's important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your herpes, but also to remember that it doesn't have to be the focus of your relationship. Your new man may need some time to process the information, and that's okay. But if he truly cares for you, he will see you for who you are beyond your diagnosis and be willing to work through any challenges together.

Remember that you deserve love and happiness, and herpes does not have to limit your future. Don't give up on love and connection, because you are worthy and deserving of both.

[AnnieO]

@mr_hopp Thank you for the kind words. I feel like my theme song should be "Here I go again" I believe its White Snake. But I know its "Hello, my name is" by Matthew West. I need never forget that there is a God who loves me and has a bigger plan for me. Right now He's not reveling it to me and I'm not getting any younger. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.  I realize it's what I have, not who I am. It's helping those that I'm with understand it and I'm not very good at vocalizing my feelings but I'm great at avoiding those conversations which is not healthy either. At this point in my life, as much as I would enjoy a new relationship, I really need to focus on myself. Take of me for a change.