Disclosure went badly

[Jojo21]

So I got diagnosed as HSV-2 positive over 5 years ago. I had gone to the GP for something else and she noticed two small spots and she said she was in two minds whether to test or not as she didn’t think it was H but just to be sure. In a way I wish she hadn’t because it came back positive and now the anxiety of disclosure is killing me. I’m single and dating and I guess keeping it in perspective I have told 4 people and they were all fine with it, only slept with 1 as the others fizzled out before that stage but I had another date at the weekend and he initially said he was fine with it but I got the dealbreaker text the following day and I’m gutted! I’ve never had symptoms with the exception of those 2 tiny spots and I’ve never passed it to anyone as far as I’m aware. Given the transmission rate is so low and so many people have it and don’t know it feels unfair to face the stigma for carrying a dormant virus. I know it’s the right thing to disclose but I don’t actually suffer from herpes and the confession doesn’t match the reality for me. Sorry for the long post I’m really struggling with it because of the recent rejection. Any advice most welcome x 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

Definitely the right thing to disclose. I got diagnosed nearly 20 years ago, never had a symptom for 15 years and then all of a sudden I started getting outbreaks. I used to think like you 'I never have symptoms, I've never passed it on, why do I have to have this diagnosis?' But then once I started getting outbreaks, I was grateful not to have to go through the 'how did I get it? Will my partner think I cheated?' issues that can arise. 

[AnnieO]

I agree with you Jojo21. I was diagnosed 35years ago and the disclosure was a huge dilemma for me.. to tell, or not to tell. And the last thing we need as H cases is stress. Up to this point, I couldn't tell you when my last outbreak was. Up to recently I've been married for 22 years, had two children and all were safe. Just recently I divorced and recently met a new man. (there's been a huge hole in my marriage for to many years). The stress of the short divorce, reorganizing, moving in a coworker and dealing with the California weather brought on an outbreak. My long story short, I had to then, in all fairness inform my new friend of my problem. So far he seems ok but it still hurts my heart to know that this could end and I guess I'm setting myself up for that so it wont hurt so bad. Anyway, the whole disclosure thing I guess is an individual decision. I agree, it is the right thing to do, but short of taking up a billboard on the highway, I think we need to be careful with who are with and who we disclose to... People like to gossip. Hang in there. Don't loose hope.

[Numbtoit]

I recently was dating someone for months and decided to disclose. He decided he wanted to end it. It has been so heavy to deal with. It’s been 10 years since I found out but the rejection isn’t easy. You’re not alone.