Why me??

[Jayy]

So today I found out I have herpes , I don't understand how it happened to me , I haven't had many sexual partners , my boyfriend was a virgin when we had sex , , the doctor said if could of gotten it orally , but hes never gone down on me , I have a cold spread the past week , say Tuesday , we had sex, I went down on him ( didn't think anything of it ) the next day I had symptoms , felt so feverish and just so weak , then I started to see bumps , thought they see in-grown hairs, but got way worse the next day , it hurt so bad to go to the bathroom. So I thought maybe I should get this checked out , not even thinking I had herpes , when the doctors told me she was sure it was herpes (my lab test hasn't come back yet ) I froze in shock , how can I have herpes !! Why me? You go in high school learning about s.t.d's and whatnot but it doesn't matter until you have it , I just feel so dirty , im too young to be dealing with this , I shouldn't have to deal with this , I don't understand why it happened to me , I feel disgusting about myself now , I feel like everyone's judging me , family says it's fine you'll be okay , how can I be okay knowing I have an std ? I just don't get it ... I'm so confused and scared , I have no idea what to do

[Judith]

Hi Jayy,

first I would like to welcome to this great website and yes its a opportunity, it will help you to understand that you absolutely not disgusting, dirty or not lovable. You are still the same beautiful person you have been before, maybe you even better because you reach out here and share you secret feelings and help not only you...no you help us with this fearless H movement .I remember how I was struggling In my first weeks/ month, I was falling in this black whole, I was suicidal, I felt I am not lovable ,that nobody will accept me but what I learned first about H (well first after drinking couple of bottles of rum. and self destroying moments..yeah sorry for that ) that's not what people think of me , its what you think and learn about yourself. Its need time but you will realize that H can give you a opportunity to grow as a person , even you are still that young. Nobody earn to get H but if you have sexual relationships it can always happen , doesn't matter if you had 1 or 50 partners. I always used condoms to protect myself but I still got H and HPV ....bad luck or destiny who knows :)well its really important that's you don't ask yourself where or who you got it from , the question will eat you and at the end it doesn't matter....it really doesn't matter. Let it go and start to accept it even it will need quit a while but after a while you will see how different you feel about Darling I wish you a great yourney...it will make you stronger even if you cant see that yet. Promise. Big Hug