Missed sexual opportunity.

[Shmendermen]

Things got hit and heavy with a first date the other night. She was ready to go down on me but I froze. I couldn't tell her, and I also couldn't take the risk of moving forward without telling her. Freezing wasn't a horrible option because nothing happened. But it really sucks that I can't engage in sex like a normal person. Obviously I'll have the talk with her before a sex act. I'm just lementing the loss of a normal sex life. I can't just go for it any more. I have to have the talk first, and the sucks.

 

Also, I think I'm always shedding virus asymmetrically. I do take anti virals. But the I'm basically always a little red with the tiniest bumps in that area. I need to be fully erect to even see them, but they are there. The only times I've been completely clear, when I go on a 10 day burst treatment where I take 3 pills per day instead of the normal two. I don't think it's safe to do that all the time though.

 

 

[mr_hopp]

@Shmendermen 

First off, I totally get it—freezing up in the moment is actually really understandable. You’re doing the right thing by wanting to protect her and not going forward without the talk. It’s tough not being able to just “go for it” like before, and there’s a grieving process there for sure. But remember, this doesn’t mean your sex life has to be less fulfilling. Having that conversation first can actually create a lot of trust and intimacy when it’s with the right person. It’s not easy, but it can help weed out people who aren’t ready for that level of openness, which is a silver lining.

And I hear you on the frustration with those tiny bumps and mild redness—it’s definitely unsettling. If it were true asymptomatic shedding, though, you actually wouldn’t have any visible symptoms at all. So if those bumps are persistent, it might be worth getting that area swabbed to be sure it’s even herpes-related. Persistent bumps that don’t change or go away don’t really sound like typical herpes symptoms, so a swab could give you some peace of mind and help clarify if it’s something else entirely.

Taking antivirals already lowers shedding quite a bit, so if these spots aren’t responding fully, it could be something else causing the irritation. It’s worth exploring to see if there’s a simpler solution out there. And at the end of the day, just remember you’re doing everything you can to protect others and yourself, and that deserves some credit.

It’s all about finding that balance and the right rhythm. Don’t lose hope on the “normal” sex life—maybe it’s just evolving into a more mindful version, but one that can still bring a lot of connection and satisfaction. And when you’re with someone who’s truly in it for you, having the talk might feel like just one small step toward something deeper.