Just found out

[Lala1212]

I am so upset with myself. I am 36 and have never had an std. I also never do random hookups. I drunkenly hooked up Oct 5 and exactly a month later a rash near my tailbone is hsv. He admitted he knows he had it but didn’t disclose. He said he’s on antivirals and never had outbreaks and didn’t think he could pass it. Well he did. I am livid with him and myself. No one is ever going to want me. I don’t even want to tell anyone because people will talk about it and make me out to be gross. I am so upset. I stress out enough as it is.. I don’t know what to do. I am afraid no one will want to date me ever 

[mr_hopp]

Welcome @Lala1212

I’m so sorry you’re going through it — and hey, it’s totally natural to feel a mix of anger, shame, and regret in a situation like this. You trusted, and now you’re left picking up the pieces. But don’t let one experience define you or your future. This diagnosis doesn’t change your worth or the amazing qualities that make you who you are, right?

It’s easy to feel isolated right now, but you’d be surprised how many people are in a similar boat and still go on to have fulfilling relationships (I’m one of them and so many more folks — check out the “successes” category for stories). Most people realize herpes is just a skin condition, one that is incredibly common and manageable. So much of it is in our heads and built around worst-case scenarios. As for sharing with others, you can choose who you tell and when. You control the narrative, and there’s a lot of strength in that.

And remember, herpes doesn’t have to be a barrier to dating. When you’re ready, there are people who will value you for who you are — yes, herpes and all. You’re not alone in feeling these fears, but you’re also certainly not limited by them. It’s okay to be upset right now, but don’t lose sight of the fact that this doesn’t change your ability to love and be loved.

Have you already downloaded the free ebook and handouts yet? You can get them here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook … Those will help you start to shift your mindset on this and give you the facts so you can start to peel yourself away from worry. You got this! 💪

[abbey road]

Dear @Lala1212, big hug, I totally get it, I'm in your shoes too. Almost the same situation happened to me. I had one random drunken pickup with a "player" type of guy in a moment of desperation when I was depressed about being single and unmarried. He used a condom also. Fast forward, 20 years later I found out I have herpes. I had been celibate during those 20 yrs so I knew it had to be him. 

I met a guy and disclosed the herpes to him and he was iffy about it. He used a condom and had ED issues when we tried to have PVI. He blamed his ED on the herpes. It wasn't a workable relationship in other ways so I ended it. 

At this point I avoid getting involved with anyone. I don't flirt or project sexual interest in anyone. Why bother? If I were a man, I wouldn't want to have sex with someone with herpes, so why would I expect a man to have sex with me? It's ludicrous. I went from having hope about it to being resigned that it's not feasible. 

If God wants me to have someone despite my diagnosis, then it will fall into place accordingly. But I'm not going to actively pursue a relationship at this point. I have given up.