Lucky to find this forum...I really need support

[Be kind]

Hello everyone there! I am very glad and happy I could find this forum. I am going through very difficult times these days. I am 38 yo F, married , I have a 4 yo daughter and I am pregnant with my baby no.2. 

4 days ago I went through blood test for hsv1&2 igg and igm because I had some genital sores accompanied by flu symptoms. I remember my first what I believe was the first outbreak in 2018. During these years I experienced sporadic genital sores, but never went on medication. I have never thought it could be HSV so I've never went for detailed examination or anything. But now that I have been reading more and more, I am convinced it is hsv even I don't have the results yet. It's been 1 week that I can't sleep and I am experiencing panic attacks at night thinking that I am like a decomposed fruit, I have infected my husband and I am so afraid that may infect my daughter during daily care (feeding her, bathing her). I don't practice lips kiss with my daughter like many mothers that I know do, but I am afraid that once she approached me and kissed me on my lips. Is it possible that she has been infected? I am so worried... I think for all the times I changed her diaper and put the cream on her private parts, I can't remember if I had herpetic whitlow during that time. Because I experienced some bumps in my fingers but never thought it could have been hsv. I am so concerned about the situation. I have never noticed any suspicious blisters on her genitals or her lips. I feel so guilty and responsible for this situation because I am the one who brought this virus inside our family from my previous relationships because I was the first sexual partner for my husband. 

I've been thinking to quit my life, like I don't deserve being a mother, a wife...

I need some help and advice please.

Thank you, God bless you!

 

[mr_hopp]

Hey there, @Be kind (love the screen name, by the way ... a great reminder of how we can treat others and ourselves) ❤️

First, right off the bat I wanna say how brave you are for sharing what you’re going through. You clearly love your family and want to protect them. Let’s take this one step at a time because it sounds like fear and guilt are really overwhelming you right now ... (Take a deeeep breath)

It’s important to know that having herpes doesn’t make you a bad mother, a bad wife, or a bad person! Herpes is so common — most people have it whether they know it or not. It’s not a reflection of your worth or character. You are still the same loving and capable person your family knows and needs.

When it comes to transmission, let me put your mind at ease. Herpes isn’t spread easily through casual contact. It requires specific conditions, like direct skin-to-skin contact with the virus during an active outbreak. Things like diaper changes, bathing, and even the kiss you mentioned don’t pose a significant risk, especially if you’re mindful of washing your hands after touching any potential sores. It sounds like you’ve already been so cautious, which is great. To see a breakdown of the facts and figures, download the free e-book and handouts here if you haven't already: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

As for your husband and daughter, if they haven’t shown any symptoms, there’s a good chance they haven’t been affected. And even if your husband were to contract herpes, many couples navigate this together and continue to have healthy relationships. It’s something you can manage with open communication and care (which you clearly have in spades).

I also want to say this: Please don’t let shame or guilt make you feel like you’re not worthy of love or a fulfilling life! Stop that, please! (Said with a loving smile on my face.) So many of us feel the same panic and sadness at first, but it does get so much better with time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or having thoughts of quitting life, please reach out to someone you trust or a professional who can support you. You deserve help and kindness right now. (Remember to take a hint from your screen name: Be Kind.) 🙂 

Lastly, if you haven’t already, I encourage you to take a deep breath (and another) and talk to your doctor about your concerns, including options for managing outbreaks. Medication like antivirals can make a huge difference for you (they can reduce the frequency of outbreaks by up to 80%!), and your doctor can provide reassurance about how to protect your baby and family during pregnancy.

You are not alone in this. It might not feel like it right now, but you can and will get through this. You’re clearly still an amazing mom and partner, and your family loves you for who you are, not for a diagnosis. (It's not what you have that matters, but who you are.) Be gentle with yourself — you’re absolutely doing the best you can. ❤️

And if you need a one-on-one session with me, here's where to grab one:
https://calendly.com/adrial/25

Sending you lots of strength. You’ve got this. I promise. 

[Be kind]

Hello Mr. Hopp 🤗,

Thank you very much for your kind words, they give me strength during these terrible moments I am going through.

I took today my screening results and I they resulted positive for both types of HSV. If you have more information, please if you could give me some insights on the results. For both types igg results positive and igm results negative, what does this mean?

I talked to my doctor and told him about my concerns of transmitting the virus especially to my daughter. He said that given tha fact that igg is positive it's like I am on antivirals and there is no need to take them and also that the possibility that I have passed it to my daughter is extremely low.

I am so confused right now, don't know what to think or what to do. I see my daughter and hesitate to hug her, to kiss her and to cuddle because I am so scared of transmitting the virus without having any sore or symptom.

I feel so badly 😭 😭 

 

[mr_hopp]

Heya @Be kind!

First, let me say how proud I am of you for getting through these tough moments and getting answers about your health. It takes so much courage to face this head-on, and you’re doing an amazing job — even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Let me help unpack your test results a bit. When your IgG is positive, it means your body has built antibodies to HSV, which typically happens weeks to months after being exposed. This indicates you’ve had the virus for a while — it’s not a new infection. The IgM being negative means you aren’t currently having a brand-new primary infection, which lines up with what you’ve shared about having symptoms in the past. So, the takeaway here is: Your immune system knows how to handle this, and you’ve likely had it for years without major issues. That’s good news.

As for your doctor’s advice, they’re right — when IgG is positive, it means your immune system has already developed defenses. The risk of transmitting the virus to your daughter through everyday actions like hugging, kissing on the cheek, or cuddling is extremely low, especially since herpes requires specific conditions (like direct skin-to-skin contact during an active outbreak) to spread. The virus doesn’t live long on surfaces, and casual family contact isn’t how it spreads. Hence why it's known more as a sexually/romantically transmitted virus — it needs friction and the kind of kissing that comes with sexy time. 😉

I hear how much fear and guilt you’re carrying, especially around your daughter. But you are still the same loving, caring mom she’s always known. Herpes doesn’t change that. Kids need and deserve hugs, kisses, and cuddles from their parents, and those moments of love and connection are so important. If you don’t have any sores or symptoms, you’re safe to hug her, bathe her, and do all the things a loving mom does. If you ever feel uncertain, just wash your hands after touching any sensitive areas — and heck, that’s always a good practice for everyone!

And please be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to feel confused and overwhelmed right now. This diagnosis doesn’t define you or make you any less of an incredible mother. You’re taking all the right steps to understand this, protect your family, and move forward.

You’ve got this, and we're here cheering you on every step of the way. Reach out here anytime you need to talk, okay? Sending you big hugs. ❤️

[Be kind]

Thank you very much for the information and the support!🙏

Unfortunately I have to deal with issue and panic of transmitting the virus to my daughter now and after the delivery to my baby too.

I think that despite my efforts there will be always something that will skip my attention. For example, today I felt some itching in my upper lip. There are no blisters ore sores , but I can barely see I little rash on it. I was taking care not to kiss my daughter in a skin surface, but kissed her on her hair,in top of her head. While I was putting the socks on her she passed her hand on my face a touched my upper lip. I am terrified of she caught the virus now.

Maybe I am exaggerating a little bit but I can't imagine continuing my life if I put her health in danger, especially with this incurable virus.

I really need some help and someone to tell me that everything will be fine and I hope for everyone that is in my condition that a cure is found within this decade. 🙏

[mr_hopp]

Hey again, @Be kind  🙏

First, let me remind you that you’re doing an amazing job navigating all of this while juggling motherhood and pregnancy. You’re taking so many precautions, which shows just how much you care about protecting your kids. But don't let paranoia get the best of you! Paranoia can be more detrimental than herpes ever can be — for real. Let’s break this down together to ease some of your worries.

The scenarios you described — kissing your daughter on the top of her head or her hand brushing your face — are extremely low-risk for transmission. Herpes requires very specific conditions to spread: direct skin-to-skin contact with an active outbreak (sores or blisters) or mucous membranes. If you don’t have visible blisters and you’re not kissing her on the mouth, the chances of her catching herpes from these interactions are incredibly small. The virus doesn’t survive well outside the body, and casual contact like this just doesn’t provide the conditions herpes needs to transmit.

Also, that little rash or itching on your lip? It could be anything — chapped skin, irritation, or just dryness. Herpes outbreaks are pretty specific (usually with distinct blisters), so it’s worth taking a breath before assuming the worst.

I actually wrote a blog article about how you get herpes that explains all of this in more detail. You can read it here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-can-you-get-herpes ... It breaks down the facts and might help reassure you about what’s realistic and what isn’t when it comes to transmission.

I know the fear of “what if” can feel overwhelming, but the love and care you’re putting into this speaks volumes. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom who is so thoughtful and protective. And here’s the thing: Everything will be fine. (Read that again.) With time and more understanding of this virus, you’ll see it’s not as scary as it feels right now. You’re already doing all the right things, and you’re far from alone in this.

Sending you lots of strength and big hugs! You’ve got this. ❤️

[Be kind]

I thank you for everything, for a moment I feel little comfort, but than...all the facts put me down 😢😢

I think, what if I or my husband have no symptoms and kiss our daughter, is it possible to shred the virus to her???

My husband is trying to support, but I feel he's a bit tired from all of this because he loves so much our daughter and is in very stress from all the precautions that I put him to follow; not to kiss her in the face, to wash continuously the hands before touching her or giving her something to eat or drink. It's like we are not living any more the happy life we had... For him is very difficult to keep the distance from our daughter and I feel as a trash for being responsible for all this situation.

I am in such a stressful time and sometimes I forget I had to take care for my self because a little creature is living inside me that also needs me to be healthy and to take care of him. I can barely eat, drink and sleep.

I am depressed 😭 😭 😭 

 

[Be kind]

On 11/19/2024 at 6:32 PM, mr_hopp said:

Hey again, @Be kind  🙏

First, let me remind you that you’re doing an amazing job navigating all of this while juggling motherhood and pregnancy. You’re taking so many precautions, which shows just how much you care about protecting your kids. But don't let paranoia get the best of you! Paranoia can be more detrimental than herpes ever can be — for real. Let’s break this down together to ease some of your worries.

The scenarios you described — kissing your daughter on the top of her head or her hand brushing your face — are extremely low-risk for transmission. Herpes requires very specific conditions to spread: direct skin-to-skin contact with an active outbreak (sores or blisters) or mucous membranes. If you don’t have visible blisters and you’re not kissing her on the mouth, the chances of her catching herpes from these interactions are incredibly small. The virus doesn’t survive well outside the body, and casual contact like this just doesn’t provide the conditions herpes needs to transmit.

Also, that little rash or itching on your lip? It could be anything — chapped skin, irritation, or just dryness. Herpes outbreaks are pretty specific (usually with distinct blisters), so it’s worth taking a breath before assuming the worst.

I actually wrote a blog article about how you get herpes that explains all of this in more detail. You can read it here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-can-you-get-herpes ... It breaks down the facts and might help reassure you about what’s realistic and what isn’t when it comes to transmission.

I know the fear of “what if” can feel overwhelming, but the love and care you’re putting into this speaks volumes. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom who is so thoughtful and protective. And here’s the thing: Everything will be fine. (Read that again.) With time and more understanding of this virus, you’ll see it’s not as scary as it feels right now. You’re already doing all the right things, and you’re far from alone in this.

Sending you lots of strength and big hugs! You’ve got this. ❤️

Hey Mr. Hopp, 🤗 

I hope you are doing well!

I am sorry bothering you, but I just needed to talk to someone that fully understands me. I come to this message of yours several times a day just to read "everything will be fine". It makes me feel better, it's like another valuable reassurance that I am doing everything to protect my daughter and I will win over this virus. 

I think I have gone on the top of my anxiety right now. Last night was terrible, with nightmares, like I infected my baby and couldn't feed him through breastfeeding 😭.

I really want to hear some comforting words from a person with strong knowledge about this situation. 

Could you please respond me whenever you can?

Thank you so much! Hugs from far away 🤗 

[mr_hopp]

Sure thing! Here's where you can grab some one-on-one support time with me: https://calendly.com/adrial/25

Looking forward to connecting, @Be kind 🙂