Irresponsible

[TinaTina]

Hi,

I'm new on here, it's my first topic. I feel I've come here now because of the stress I'm feeling after having unprotected sex with a guy I've known for the past 2 years (I'm a female). I have had HSV2 now for around 6 years. I got it unknowingly from a guy I was seeing previously. I hated him for a while, and promised myself I would never do the same thing, but now I feel like I have and I absolutely hate myself for it. I am going crazy thinking I have passed this onto my friend and I am sick with worry and don't know what to do. He does not know I have H.

The other night a group of our friends were hanging out, we've always had a bit of a liking towards each other, and I had unprotected sex with him later on. I don't know why I did it and all I want to do is turn back time. At the time I had no symptoms, however, a few hours later my vagina felt sore, I thought it was just from sex (not even thinking of anything else!) but then realised it was more of a tingle, now knowing a flare up was on the way so I took some medication. I don't think I felt anything before, but I was drinking so I might not remember too well. I never want to even drink ever again after this. I cannot believe I have gotten myself, and someone else, into this! I'm shaking with stress. 

During my last relationship I did get flare ups after sex so I'm not sure if it was just because of sex or if I had some symptoms at the time. Is it guaranteed he will get this? I am furious with myself. 

No one in my family or my friend group know I have H. Since he is part of my friend group I'm terrified if I tell him I will lose everyone, which typing this sounds very selfish. I have been so irresponsible but I just don't know what to do. I am not strong enough I feel to say anything. I feel like I am just sitting here waiting on the call!

I don't know if anyone can give me advise, or if this is just a vent as I've no one to talk to but any support would be great.

Thank you

[abbey road]

I don't know if this will ease your mind or not but I read that the virus tends to transmit more easily from men to women than vice versa. This is because the woman has more exposed area in her vagina. So hopefully this one occurrence of unprotected sex will have a low probability of infecting him.

The greater issue is what if he wants sex again, are you going to disclose to him?

[mr_hopp]

Hey @TinaTina

I hear how heavy this feels, and I can tell you’re really beating yourself up over it. First off, take a breath. You’re not alone in making mistakes, and the fact that you’re here shows you care and want to make things right. That’s huge. It takes courage to post on a forum like this.

The truth is, herpes isn’t guaranteed to transmit in one encounter, especially if you didn’t have symptoms at the time. The stress you’re feeling is valid, but it won’t change what’s already happened. What matters now is how you handle things moving forward. That’s where your power lies now. Learning and growing and stepping into your future determined to do the right thing.

Disclosing might feel terrifying, especially with him being part of your friend group, but honesty is your way through this. It’s about giving him the information so he can decide for himself. You can keep it simple: “I need to talk to you about something important. I care about you and want to be upfront.” The rest will flow from there. If you want more how-to videos and articles about Opportunity-based disclosure, check these out: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/tag/the-herpes-talk

This doesn’t define you. It’s a chance to learn and grow. You’re human, and you’re doing your best. One step at a time — you’ve got this. And if you need one-on-one support, grab a session with me for 35% off here: https://calendly.com/adrial/25