All the emotions

[Pink30]

I was given my diagnosis just 3 days ago. I called the person I was with 10 days prior right away. I was in Schock and angry. I told him he gave it to me. I have hooked up with him about 5 times since late July. He’s been the only person. At first he said he didn’t have any symptoms and that he’s been safe every time he’s had sex with someone. I told him there’s no way he didn’t give it to me. A day later he sent me a message and asked if I wanted to talk. He said he didn’t know what to say or where to go but wanted to reach out. I haven’t replied. Does it even matter? I’m confused, angry, sad, uncertain. I have so many thoughts and questions. I still can’t believe this happened to me. 

[mr_hopp]

Hey there, @Pink30

I’m so sorry you’re feeling all of this right now. It's a lot — confusion, anger, sadness, and all the “what-ifs” swirling around. It’s normal to feel all over the place right now, so give yourself some understanding.

About your hookup partner: it’s possible he didn’t know he had it. 80% of people who carry HSV don't know they have it. And 20% of people with herpes don’t ever show any symptoms, and it can stay dormant for years. That doesn’t mean it stings any less, but it might explain his confusion too. It’s not always cut and dry when it comes to figuring out timelines and who gave it to whom.

If you’re unsure about responding, ask yourself what feels best for you right now. If talking to him would help you find some closure or clarity, it might be worth it. If it feels like too much too soon, it’s okay to take space and focus on yourself.

You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way. This forum is full of people who’ve been where you are and have found their way through. Take it one step at a time — there’s no rush to figure everything out right away.

You’ve got this. Take care of yourself first.

[Pink30]

Why is important for me to know if I gave it to him or he gave it to me? I’m stuck on that. I also think about not telling people I date I’m the future because I feel gross. Do I have to tell them? If I’m safe and don’t have breakouts do I have to tell? 

[mr_hopp]

@Pink30 — This is a common question, as you can imagine … but here’s the thing to consider: if the roles were reversed and he had herpes and you didn’t, wouldn’t you want him to disclose to you? 

This is all about learning how to disclose from a place that doesn’t make this an automatic deal-breaker. It means shifting your mindset and letting go of some BS stigma that you don’t have to take on. Have you downloaded the free ebook yet? That’s a good start: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook