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I'm Out of the Herpes Closet!

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Nic: I got to a point that I felt I had no other option if I wanted to stop the stigma....


I think it also helps that I'm post-menopausal ... I don't give a crap what people think of me any more - I do my best to be a good member of the human race and if someone wants to un-friend me because of a skin condition, I don't need them in my life ;)

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Well I took another step today. I re-instated my OKCupid profile ... and in the section that asks "The most private thing I’m willing to admit" I wrote the following:


I am a full believer in transparency so here it goes:


First, if you got this far and you liked what you read, please read this section all the way through before you pass judgment.


You see, I have the Herpes virus. Like 80% of the population. (Don’t believe me, check the CDC website). I’ve had it most of my life. I’ve had relationships with H- men and they have not caught it because I can take anti-virals and even without them I rarely have an outbreak. Your chance of getting it from me (assuming you are H- …and BTW, there is a really good chance you have not been tested unless you specifically ASK for the test) is less than 2% - the SAME risk you take when you get in a car for having a fatal accident. (and yes, I have the stats for that too ;) ).


Why am I revealing that here? Because I’m tired of having “the talk” and having guys spazz out because they have no freaking clue about the TRUTH about STD’s. In fact, I recently came out to everyone because I’m tired of the undeserving stigma that comes with Herpes. I am currently working with others on a project that will increase public education and awareness about STD’s including Herpes. (I can bet most of you have at least *some* incorrect beliefs and information about most STD’s). Coming out on here is all part of my dedication to changing the undeserving stigma that Herpes has in the public eye.


So before you click on the next profile, understand this. Herpes is the 2nd most common STD (HPV is #1 .. nearly everyone will get it at some point in their life… chew on THAT one for a second ) 80% of the population has Herpes and 80% of them DON’T KNOW THEY HAVE IT. And no, you won’t *know* from looking that they have it because many NEVER have an outbreak and they may well be passing it on to others unwittingly. (IE, they can shed the virus with no visible outbreaks). If you ask a Doctor about it, they will tell you it is a “nuisance skin condition” …. That it’s no big deal. To them, it is a very insignificant issue – you will be given a script for antivirals if you need it (if you are having an outbreak or have a partner to protect from transmission) and they will show you the door. And to be honest, that really IS all it is… a viral skin condition that happens to show up in a really inconvenient place. And all those photos you see on Google Images?… Well, they are generally worst case scenarios or perhaps first outbreak photos (the first is usually the worst…once your body develops antibodies it generally goes quiet and you may never have another OB). I promise you, while the first OB’s are generally not fun, you junk won’t fall off if you get it and you usually end up with only minor OB’s after the first one or two occurrences. This isn’t Cancer folks …..


BUT, even more important is the fact that I *KNOW* I have it and I can do a LOT to keep you from getting it. In a way, I am safer because I know my status. Many who contract herpes get it from someone who didn’t know they had it … because they got STD tested but didn’t know that Herpes is not usually done as part of the tests (thanks to the CDC’s recommendation). And Herpes is an Equal Opportunity Disease. Young, Old, Black, White, Rich, Poor, Nice, Mean, “Good” or “Bad”. 80% of the people around you likely have it. And don’t think that you can have Oral sex and avoid it – roughly half of the new Genital Herpes diagnosis are HSV1 (ie: from Cold Sores).


So now, if you got this far, and you liked what you read before this section and you would have contacted me, I ask you to give me a chance. Contact me and lets see where it goes. If nothing else I can help to completely educate you about STD’s and how to protect yourself. And maybe, just maybe, you will like me enough to take that 2% risk once you get to really know me…. And that is all I can ask for



It will be interesting to see what happens next. Hell, online dating has been such a dismal failure for me (well, not completely - I DID have one 3 yr relationship out of it) that I reckon it can't be any worse. If nothing else, maybe I will be able to educate some guys out there. I'll keep you posted about what happens :p


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I love you dancer! lol you are freakin fearless! Haha I'm on that site too. i hadn't checked it in a while though good luck with it. One of ghose dudes on ghere was a real jerk. i didn't even have to go on a date with him. i figured it out in txt. He was already wanting to hit it and not eventake me out to dinner and a movie. just watch a movie at my house. what a freakin cheapskate!

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LOL - I've gotten really good at figuring out the real jerks - one thing I love on there is all the questions. I go read the guys answers so I know what to ask them in the first few emails to see if we are a fit.


What makes me laugh is how many will totally deny their answers when I ask them about them. Like one who said he wanted to start a family (nature has shut me down and I don't intend to try to reverse things :p ) When I asked him he swore he didn't want a family. So I asked him about another question and he denied that one.


Meh - not holding out a lot of hope but what the hell! If nothing else it will be an interesting experiment :)

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Speaking of things that make you go hmmmm -


I just got my first post-reveal message... from a freakin 29 yr old.... ugh... (and I actually have said at the top of my Profile I will not reply to anyone under 35 - preferably 40. I don't mind younger but I'm not interested in guys my daughters might date....Smh) :O :O :O

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Well, day 2 of the OKC disclosure and I am getting some interesting results.


2nd response was a 30 yr old who said I looked like I could be 30 which is why I was getting all those responses...LOL ... at least he read the part that i was not interested but it WAS sweet.... :''>


3rd response - not sure if he has read all the way through... but at least age-wise he's in the ballpark.... ;)


and then... #4 - a guy who actually read it all the way through and STILL contacted me. He admits he's nervous (which is understandable) but the message my friends is HE STILL CONTACTED ME. And right now, that is good enough for me. It's all I ask for... a chance to get KNOWN by someone ... even if they ultimately decide that I'm not for them.... and not have to worry about "the talk". 8->


I'll keep you posted :)

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LOL - I just had another 30yr old contact me - basically complained about the length of my profile and said guys just look at the picture and then contact you. So I told him that's one of the reasons (besides the fact that my daughters might date someone that age) that I don't date guys his age :p


I like OKC because it has all the questions - I always look at them because there are some I found that will tell me a LOT about the guy before we even talk - or at least it gives me things to ask so I can put the bullshit-meter to work. Having the disclosure will certainly help cull a few more :)


So far I'm up to 3 "cubs" and 3 guys who seem genuinely interested..two of which certainly read my disclosure AND they both seem pretty decent guys at first glance. Certainly far better response than I expected ... :)

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