Just found out i have genital herpes (HSV-1) from my ex

[trw1972]

Hi all

 

I recently split up with my partner of 5 years (8 days ago).

 

I didnt know she had coldsores until 6 months into the relationship when she had an outbreak..

at the time i wasnt too happy, since to my knowledge i didnt have the virus

 

She has had it since a child orally, and said outbreaks used to be terrible but are rare now (based on this it seems certain its hsv 1)

 

I knew the risks and it was my decision to keep in the relationship and still have oral sex etc- we got tested for all standard std's early on.. so our only precautions were the pill and avoiding intimacy during an outbreak

 

Anyway the last few days ive had genital irritation so went to my gp today who told me it looks like HSV

 

Presumably its from asymptomatic shedding as we avoided intimacy

 

He has given me a lot of acyclovair to take (over 1g a day) and said it may make me feel ill as its a high dose, but that as its a first presentation it may kill it dead.. that goes against everything ive been taught though.

 

So i have three questions if i may?

 

My ex has been having gynae issues herself

 

1) Am i correct in saying that there is zero risk of me somehow being infected by her then re-infecting her genitally? Its the exact same virus but a different location so surely it cant affect her?

 

If we got back together there would be no risk to her? (this is up in the air)

 

2) I am unsure how i will handle this when dating again.. on a first date announcing i have genital hsv-1 doesnt appeal but ill have to be honest about it

 

I THINK that if someone has HSV-1 orally then they cant catch HSV-1 genitally later- am i correct?

 

It would at least be something reassuring to tell future partners.

 

3) Is it true that genital hsv-1 tends to be less frequently occuring than genital hsv-2 or is that an old wives tale?

 

Thanks

[mr_hopp]

So she gave you genital HSV-1 from her oral HSV-1 from oral sex? Just want to be clear on that.

 

Here are answers to your questions:

 

1) It CAN be spread to her genitals. There's less of a chance since genital HSV-1 doesn't shed as much as genital HSV-2 (3-5% vs. 15-30%) and it's less likely to pass it to another part of the body if your partner already has the same strain (due to your body building up antibodies, but there's still a possibility).

http://herpeslife.com/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex/

 

2) Giving the herpes talk with integrity and self-acceptance is one of the main focuses of this forum. There are TONS of conversations on how to give the herpes talk.

 

- Here's the e-book to download to read first: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

- Here are all the forum discussions about the herpes talk:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/categories/herpes-talk-disclosing

 

If someone has HSV-1 orally, they CAN catch HSV-1 genitally later. Over 50% of new genital herpes cases are spreading HSV-1 from the mouth to the genitals from oral sex.

 

3) Yes, that is true. Since HSV-1 prefers the mouth, it sheds less and you will have less severe outbreaks and you will have them less often. Read through these handouts and this blog article for all the information you'll need on that:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/

[trw1972]

Yes thats what would have happened, she gave me genital hsv apparently from her oral hsv

 

Im a bit dubious about the diagnosis though to be honest

 

had a student with him... so i heard all of it

 

now when he first finished, he said to her theres not much wrong, and i said to him is everything ok...

 

he then said yes, its a little red, but not much

 

it was when he questioned me about history, partners etc he decided this, as soon as i mentioned partern had coldsores he latched onto it and prescribed acyclovir

 

i am thinking of going to the genital urinary medical clinic, it has no blisters (despite discomfort on and off for 3 weeks nearly now) and ive never seen a blister

 

i cant help wondering if its just irritation or something ...and maybee hes wrong

 

for instance i said how will i know

 

he said ..if it goes away with the anti virals thats proof!!!!

 

which seems stupid as it cud go away whatever it is

[trw1972]

Just an update, im confused now!

 

well it looks like my doc was wrong

 

i went to the gum clinic (in the uk its a clinic that specialises in genito urinary issues

 

and he said its just dry skin, i asked about herpes and he just said it isnt herpes! its dry skin you need aqueous cream

 

i asked about a swab and he said theres nothing to swab its dry skin...

[WCSDancer2010]

@Adrial: Just putting in what *I* was told years back (and wondering if your info is newer) but I was under the impression that if you already had HSV1 orally that you had the antibodies to it in you so it was a lot harder to get it genitally because your body would try to fight it off... which makes "sense" but I don't know if there is more recent studies on this...

 

Trwl; I lived in the UK for 8 years and as I remember, they take these things a LOT more lightly there. You may want to ask for a Blood test - it's not 100% accurate and if you were very recently infected it may not show up but at least you can say you did everything you can to make sure you are H-free. One thing I learned with the National Health system - sometimes you have to be pro-active and insist on a test or a second opinion. I had to fight like hell to change doctors for my second child because the first insisted I have a Cesarean because of my Herpes and I learned after I could have had her normally. Managed to have my second vaginally but it took a bit of butting heads with the GP to get her to request the change.

 

((HUGS)) - they sure are putting you on a roller coaster ride. But I applaud your Dr for at least not shrugging the whole thing off and at least *trying* to help get a diagnosis for what many would have shrugged off as "dry skin". Better to be safe than sorry :)

[trw1972]

hey WCSDancer2010 i could get a blood test, and i imagine im around 70%? likely to have hsv-1 in my system anyway?. I believe a huge proportion of the population has it. But most show no symptoms.

 

That means 70% of people i have kissed probably had the virus?

 

As for my doctor, he was dismissive UNTIL i mentioned partner having coldsores.

 

I went to the GUM clinic since i felt that a doctor whose job all day every day is to look at genital issues and stds would be an expert?

 

He was just so sure that it was dry skin, he said 'theres no sores or blisters anything!' just dry skin. I said my gp had thought it might be hsv..i made a point of suggesting it to him.

 

And he seemed utterly certain.

[WCSDancer2010]

My thoughts are that as you were with her 5 years, I'd want to make certain what my status is, for possible future partnerships. You may or may not be told which one you have and where but if you are "clean", that would be great - if you are not, then you may want to think about when/how you disclose that to any future partners. And if you are H+, then you would want to get straight to your GUM if you have anything that looks suspicious to clarify which one you have..

 

It's your call - these are just my thoughts about what *I* would do.... I know I would not want to unwittingly pass this on. Even though it really is a "skin condition", the emotional stuff isn't something I would want to "pass on". ;)