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Friday November 15th I was diagnosed with H. The last few days have been really rough, I've been so emotionally overwhelmed that I havent left the house for anything except work. That is until last night. My friend finally convinced me to go to the gym with him, like we did several times a week prior to my outbreak. I can't say I was thrilled about the idea, but I went anyway. I can't ignore my life forever right? But I knew if I went I would have to face his questions about why I've been completely MIA for almost a week. I couldnt possibly tell him the truth.

 

He and I have been friends for two and a half years, he has always been great to me, but he is very critical especially of women. He dates only casually, usually more than one girl at a time, and is very vocal about his opinion of others. How can I expect him to accept me, I'm now the type of girl he makes fun of. So I basically dodged his questions, shrugged it off and said I wasn't feeling well. He seemed to take it at face value and didn't press the subject. At the end of our workout he walked me to my car before I could even open my door he looked me right in the eyes and said, "Something is weighing really heavy on you, I can see it. You don't have to say anything now, but when you're ready I'm here for you. No matter what. You can trust me."

 

I broke down right there, my tough facade was gone in an instant and I couldn't stop myself from crying. I confessed everything between my sobs. I told him my diagnosis, all the shame that it carried and how dirty it made me feel. I told him how scared I was that no one would ever want to touch me again. All the thoughts and insecurities that had consumed me just poured out, I had nothing left to hide. And when I was all done, waiting for him to back away in disgust, he wrapped me up in a deep hug. Without hesitating, he wiped the tears from my cheek and whispered, "You are not dirty, you are beautiful smart and kind, no STD will ever change that. I'm so blessed to have you in my life, and any person who can't see past something so small doesn't deserve all the wonderful things about you. No real man will be afraid to touch you, I'm not. I'm just so sad you've been facing this alone. " I cried even harder after that, tears of joy.

 

It was such a good feeling to open up to someone and have them be unwaivering in their love and support, which got me thinking. Maybe all this fear I have of being criticized and rejected by others is more about my own insecurities than anything else. Does this one condition really take away all the other good things about me that make me who I am? Am I letting my own self depricating thoughts keep away people who can bring positive influence and fulfillment to my life? I'm still scared, unsure, and emotional, but maybe if I learn to be more open to those I trust, they might suprise me. He did.

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What a beautiful story!!!!

 

I think much of the time *we* are the ones to blame for the stigma. The more we hide in our "closets", the more we hang our heads in shame, the more we are afraid to talk about this, the bigger the stigma becomes all around. It doesn't mean you have to come screaming out of the Herpes Closet like I did, but I think if you can find people you can trust to talk to, you find that really, it's not nearly as big a deal for most people.... if anything, they will realize that it can happen to ANYBODY.

 

You go girl! Get your fierce self out there....

 

(((HUGS))) and (((LOVE)))

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Hi Peace and love,

you having a really great friend, its fantastic that he don't only see that skin condition he see you as a great person which you are :)I am really glad that he find the right /true words to help you on your way to start your journey of self acceptance. When I disclosed to my friend they chose unhappy encroach words, they didn't wanted to hurt me but they didn't know what to say and choose the wrong answer. He is right your are not dirty at all , it can happen to all of us and I am sure he will help you to your difficult times (herpes or whatever will come ). Big hug Judith

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Yes! You are speaking to exactly what has so many of us decide to hide. Because of our assumptions of how others will react. Yes, some people will react in a less-than-accepting manner. So be it. Others, like your awesome friend, will accept us for who we are rather than what we have (especially a little skin condition). Sometimes our loneliness and feelings of being the only one are due to a self-fulfilling prophecy based on the belief that no one will accept us. Thank you for sharing!

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