Is my sex and dating life over with herpes?

[imgonnabeokay]

I was just tested for herpes and was basically told I have HSV 1 . From what i read it is actually really really common. however, I feel like I will never date and have sex again. I just wish I could see the future. I will say that once I went to the doctor to get a test the weight on my shoulders was lifted, I wanted to cry but still lifted. Anyone have any advice?

[mr_hopp]

Yes, you're right. HSV-1 is super common orally. 80% of Americans 14-49 have it (don't ask why those ages are so random).

 

Question for you: Have you ever had an outbreak? If so, where? On the lips or on the genitals? Reason I ask is that yes, HSV-1 for the most part shows up on the lips (commonly known as "cold sores"), but it can also be spread to the genitals, so people can have genital herpes of the HSV-1 strain. (In fact, a recent stat I read is that 50% of new genital herpes cases are from HSV-1 from partners going down on each other — oral sex — with cold sores.)

 

And if you have genital HSV-1, yes, your sex life will change, but don't assume it will change for the worst! You will have to be more careful (which ultimately is a great thing for your health) and disclose to potential partners. (You can download the free e-book — http://eepurl.com/b4IPP — to read more about that.) And that's what this site and all these people are here for: To realize that having herpes isn't a harbinger of doom; it's an opportunity to find out who we really are in the face of something that at first seems so daunting. It's an opportunity to be real and authentic with people we are intimate with.

 

We're here for you however you need us, imgonnabeokay. And yes, you're going to be okay. In fact, you'll be awesome. Just be kind to yourself. Self-compassion is the #1 skill to master here!

[CanadianGuy2012]

You wanna see the future? Here's the way I see it, I figure in a few more years the percentage of 20-40 year-olds in North America with Genital HSV1 is going to double. Think about it, 70-80% have it and those who have it orally and are active are bound to give it to someone genitally. I mean, who doesn't go down on their partner these days? People with genital HSV1 will probably soon be the MAJORITY.

[mr_hopp]

I totally agree, CG! You know, I use the stat of african american women with genital herpes (48%!) as a similar thought experiment ... so, as an example, once the amount of african american women 14-49 reaches 51%, then what happens to the stigma? How will african americans perceive herpes? If eventually 51% of ALL Americans have genital herpes (whether it be HSV-1 or HSV-2), then what happens to the stigma? Then if you're one of those who DOESN'T have it, you're one of those poor, uncool people in the minority. ;) Stigma can only exist in minority and denial. Look at oral herpes/cold sores/fever blisters for a perfect example: 80% of Americans have it, hence there's no stigma. I look forward to the end of stigma in general, and it seems like it will either take people waking up out of their own unconscious and unfair judgments OR 51+% of people getting herpes. ;)

[imgonnabeokay]

This is where I have an internal battle and that is cold sores are herpes am I wrong? So really isnt herpes just a (pardon my french) a fucking annoying skin irritation? I keep telling myself it's a skin condition not the end of the world, you are still you and everything about you is the same. Also does anyone do suppressive therapy? What drugs are you using? Also can I pass my cold sore to anywhere on my body from touching it then touching somewhere else on my body? (that sounded dirty and did not mean it to, lol)

[mr_hopp]

Heya again,

 

Yep, this comes up time and time again in the support group I lead here in Raleigh, NC. People with herpes are saying what's the big deal whether it's on your lips or your hoo-haw (pardon my french)? ;) It's the same virus, only a different strain of it! So yes, your confusion on that is in good company. It's our culture's stigma against the inherent dirtiness of sex in general, I believe.

 

And about suppressive therapy, I take it only because I'm keeping my partner safe from getting it (she is herpes-free). I don't suggest people taking suppressive therapy unless your outbreaks are pretty severe and happen a lot or you're trying to protect someone else from getting herpes. That's all. I take 400mg of Acyclovir twice a day (but check with your own doctor to make sure that's right for you).

 

And about passing the herpes from one part of your body to another, here's a blog post I wrote about that:

http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

 

You got this. :)