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Semi-success? I don't know, just read it.

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Okay. So if anyone has followed my story then you know there was only one guy I messed around with before The One We Shall Not Be Named. He would play with me down below and I would suck him off, never had sex ever. So last night, he found out in a roundabout way, not by me. A friend told him bc they thought he needed to get tested. (He didn't, I had not done anything at all with him between me having caught it and my actual diagnosis, hence why I didn't tell him, I knew he was safe). So anyways, back to the story. He texts me and wants to come over. So he did. He didn't know exactly what was going on but he had put two and two together by the time he got to my place. So he asked me if I was pregnant, I said no. He said so it's got to be the other thing. He said it, I tossed my pill bottle at him. I said you know how people get cold sores on their mouth? Well I get them down there. Told him the whole story, stats, everything. He said well I still want to have sex with you. A 1% chance is worth sleeping with you. So, we did. We have been friends for over a year now and finally did it. It boosted my confidence. I don't know if he will keep my secret, or if we will have sex again, or what will happen, but a guy who doesn't have it found out I had it and still slept with me. It has made me feel better, even if it was just sex. I care about him, always have liked him, but it was never "we are going to do a relationship" thing. I think he cares about me in some weird way, even if it's not like a girlfriend way. We always just hung out when we were lonely. So semi-success story. No relationship, but a long time cuddle/makeout/play buddy accepted it and we went a step further because of it. Weird.

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Not at all weird. Wonderful in fact!!!


Maybe he realized that you were able to be vulnerable with him - by telling him the whole thing he saw a different side of you and wanted to be close to you. If anything, it shows just how crazy we are to obsess about having H ... yes, some will walk away but our real "friends" and the good potential partners won't be put off by it :)


Good for you chica! Can we remove the Defeated from your name yet??? Sounds like you are winning!!!!



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Thank you thank you! I wanted to hear your thoughts so bad! I am pretty excited about it, 1 cause I has sex, and 2 because he doesn't have this and accepted it. So... I have gotten some hope. And I needed that hope because he is just as big a freak about this as I am and so for him to be willing to do it with me just floored me. He did joke about it though, I said you got some respect from me for this. He said now don't go thinking I'm all honorable, I just wanted to sleep with you. So idk what that means but I don't care. He had sex with me and knew I had it. And thought it (I) was worth the risk. It feels freaking amazing. Whatever happens after this I don't care, I just needed a guy who didn't know that found out to show me it didn't matter. And he did. And it feels freaking awesome. I am a happy ass girl. Could be from having sex with someone I've grown to be friends with for over a year or it could be the positive vibe I got from all this. I don't know. It was awesome though. I asked him a million times if he was sure and he kept asking me if I was sure and he said I'm sure, I said I'm sure. Then BOOM! Magic in my bedroom. Freaking yes!!!!! :)))

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How exciting! It does give others hope. I am another one who has been reading all the stories and a little shy to post. I have been kind of seeing someone for a few months and need to disclose when we get to that point and am terrified. We have know each other for about 9 months, definitely have gotten to know each other as friends first~ a little hand holding, kissing but nothing more. I hope to be able to post a success story for everyone to read and feel encouraged. Thanks for sharing

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Welcome. @dreamingofsomeone167 Me and him have been friends for a while. I didn't tell him initially because I was scared because to be honest, I kind of love him. Not in love, but love him. There is a difference. Lol anyways, initially he was kind of like uhh and I could see him running the timeline down across his face, flipping out but not showing it the best he could to me. I reassured him he was good. And I just ran through all the stats. And he was totally okay with it and said, I want to do it still which is weird, but I do. I was shocked, of course because we had never done it before and now he knows this and wants to! Wow! Look. I don't suggest tossing a pill bottle at him, but me and him are so close and have a weird friendship anyways so I don't know I just did it. But I did cry, but as I said we are pretty close, I mean I was in my yoga pants and a tshirt, ponytail. But I didn't flip out... And I think that's key. You got to stay as calm as you can. With him, I cried because I care about him and didn't want him to look at me different. But he didn't! So I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! Being confident I think is important. Knowing the stats is important. :)

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@orngpeelmafia, you are more than right. I guess with me, and I think a lot of people, I have been terrified of finding someone to accept this. Now that I know one man did, regardless of what happens between me and him, even if he accepted it for one time only, it has given me that hope that other men will. I guess what I am saying is, since now I know this isn't the end of my love life, I am at a better place. I should definitely look at it like you say, and I think I will get there, but this happening just shot me into, "thisisgoingtobeokayville." Honestly, it made me realize that I can accept this, even if it's not at this moment, but I will, knowing other people can, means I will too.

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This is fabulous. I am so happy for you and I going to have a big glass of wine to celebrate for you this evening :-D you have come such a long way in such a short space , I am so very proud . I have to say Though I'm ever so slightly jealous . I quite fancy some magic in my bedroom :-D xx

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Woohoo! I'd love to say "I told you so." So I told you so! ;)


It just goes to show that this is all about perspective. All it takes is either us coming to our senses on it not being a big enough deal to suffer about (while also keeping other people safe and informed) OR for someone else's reaction to show us that we had been over-exaggerating the stigma after all. It's a reality check.


So now what I'm wanting for you is for you to prove that to yourself so it doesn't take someone else accepting or rejecting you to make you worth it or not. You just know it regardless. I hope this is enough proof for you to take it in and own that on a very deep level. Sometimes it does take someone else to show us that our beliefs were full of shit. :) And regardless, people will have preferences one way or the other (whether it's about herpes or anything else). That's just how dating and mating is. (Like we're on the Discovery channel.) ;)


And defeated I'm proud of you for talking about it with him. I know you were worrying about this a whole lot. And it still took courage and integrity to talk about it (and some good aim with that pill bottle). ;) Big hug!


P.S. I'm with WCS that a name change is in order. It's like you are being knighted. You have officially slayed the dragon. You warrior for integrity, you. :)

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Thanks yall! I guess a name change is in order. @adrial let's make that happen. let's change it to as @WCS said "thisisgoingtobeokay" I am proud of me too. It was really hard because I was just terrified of him finding out. It definitely was a reality check for me. Hopefully, this will lead me to accepting it. I have my fingers crossed. I don't know why he did it, maybe to prove to me that someone will accept it. I don't know. I don't care. It happened and it has helped, and for that I am grateful.

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  • 7 months later...

This is a really cute post. I needed the read, I am recently single, first time dating since... I actually have my first date on Wednesday.. :) a little less than a year after first getting it. I'm super nervous for a thousand reasons, its been a looong time since I've had a first date. sigh, but this is an amazing uplifting story. :) it's nice to be reminded that I am still date-able. I think I stayed with the boy who gave it to me a little past the expiration date of our relationship, for multiple reasons but it had a lot to do with fear.

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Hey @JJsPurplePants, there are lots of success stories on here - herpes doesn't change how dateable or how awesome you are!! I myself have told two guys since my diagnosis 3 years ago and was accepted both times, first time by a guy from work who I knew for around 8 months and the second time by my boyfriend (we met 10 months ago and are still going strong!) I told him on the 4th or 5th date and did not know him prior to our dates! Hope your date goes well on Wednesday :)

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  • 1 year later...

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