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Yep. Yesterday. I will never forget the moment the phone rang and I had that sinking feeling in my stomach.

 

The clinician was really nice and told me as kindly as she could antibodies were found for both HSV-1 and HSV-2. The first thing out of my mouth was, "F*ck." Then I started crying. Not like, uncontrollable sobbing, but it was still a shock to my system.

 

She was so awesome, and stayed on the phone with me until I could reassure her I was going to be okay. She asked me if I'd done anymore reading about herpes; and of course I had, I read about everything I can get my hands on if I think it might relate to me in some way (especially so if I think I "have" something). She reminded me about the prescription I had (but I hadn't really forgotten about it), and said to start taking it as soon as I could get it filled. One pill, two times a day. Easy. I have meds I take twice a day already, so it's just one more. She encouraged me to just call her back if I had any questions or side-effects to the meds, or concerns.

 

The week prior, the day I got blood drawn for the HSV tests and the other tests (syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV -- ALL NEGATIVE!) she'd given me a prescription for Acyclovir 400mg 2x/day, "just in case."

 

That day, a week ago, I was freakin' terrified. Getting the blood drawn was the easy part; the harder part was driving home and trying NOT to think about what my partner would say. I knew I had to tell him. I didn't want to until the results came back... but I wasn't about to put myself through the agony of worrying and waiting a week, *alone*.

 

It went really, really amazingly well. I told him how I thought I might've had an outbreak, and I just wanted to be sure, and it's a really small chance, and-and-and... And he said, "Okay." I laughed. I laughed as I sat there crying and in that moment I loved him even more than I did before. A huge boulder just vanished off my chest. He reminded me it could be a LOT worse, and there are LOTS of options now compared with years ago (Thank you, Modern Technology! Antiviral meds for the win!), and best of all he listened to me -- he listened, and he cared, and he empathized! He understood the stigma I was just beginning to grasp, but helped me not to internalize it any deeper than I'd already had by going through all the scary stuff in my head for hours on end, worrying myself into circles: "What if nobody wants to have sex with me anymore? What if my partners stop loving me? What if, this, what if that... What if, what if, what if?" He told me we would cross the bridge IF we got to it, because there was no use worrying when I didn't have the results anyway.

 

So I waited, and was as chill as possible. Life went on like normal.

 

I filled my Acyclovir prescription as soon as I got home, so I could begin suppression therapy right away. No use in waiting!

 

The rest of the drive home today, after I found out, I talked (on speakerphone :P) with a really awesome friend of mine, and one thing she said to me really sparked a realization in me: "Okay, so take your meds every day and you'll be fine. The risk of passing it to someone else is there, but it's really slim, and it's not going to ruin your life. It's NOT going to kill you; it's GOING to be okay. Look at it for what it really is, honey... it's just a nuisance, nothing more."

 

And she is absolutely right. This thing is just like chickenpox... a nuisance. That's it.

 

Herpes won't rule my life; I won't let it. I AM STRONGER.

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iamstronger

 

First, welcome! Glad you found us.

 

You have found a wonderful resource for support and information. And it seems that you have an even more wonderful BF and a great friend to help you through this. Never mind a great clinician who did her best to support you in that first few minutes when the world can seem to be crashing down on people. And you seem to be keeping your sense of humor with is SO important. Good for you!

 

Yes, you may have crappy days for awhile but you WILL be ok...promise :)

 

Antiviral meds for the win!

 

Yesssssss! Love it!

 

I think you are going to fit right in here.... and we are here for you while you adjust to your little H friend....

 

(((HUGS)))

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