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After all these years.............

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Hi all - just looking for a bit of support and advice I guess and having learnt that the internet is full of doom and gloom merchants found this positive site! I am 43, two boys aged 23 and 17. Most recent relationship for 4 years. Always had a problem with what I thought was thrush but now am suspecting was herpes. When I was 16/17 I fell in love with my first chap - 8 years older than me. He was on reflection a complete a**hole and caused a lot of hurt and anger which I carried for too long but I was young and naive. Didnt last long but ten years ago I saw him and nonchalent as you like he said 'did you get herpes cos I had it when I was with you'. I discounted it as I had never had any sores etc so life continued. 4 weeks ago wham - woke up with a nice sore which did the yellow thing then the crusting thing. I work next door to a large hospital so I took myself off to the GU clinic and was diagnosed wth HSV2. I felt rough, under the weather, sneezy and low as anything but was re-assured this was all normal. Took Acyclovir for 5 days and it cleared. However I was left and still am left with what feels like thrush. No visible sores but red and ouch! I am going to go back to see the lovely nurse who calmed me down when she told me my news but ladies is this the norm?


The main head thing I am dealing with is so why now? I am having some trouble with my teen and the new job I have means a commute but ironically I had just started going to the gym, taking care of myself etc when this happened. Initially I was angry at this guy but that's just a waste of energy. yep he should have known better but that says more about him than me. My chap has been amazing but our relationship has been rocky too with very little intimacy for months and I was thinking of ending it. He has had no symptoms, neither has my ex husband (we are still on good terms). I guess I am babbling a little but my question is why after my immune system dealing with this for nearly 30 years has it just kicked in so badly. Maybe I am more stressed emotionally than I think? I know at the end of the day (and I keep telling myself) it's a cold sore on my bits and it doesnt change who I am as a person but it does change from thinking OK this relationship hasnt worked so a bit of QT on my own and off I go to find Mr Right to Oh. Well that's that then. Better stay put - at least he accepts me as I am which is lucky in that I have two healthy and happy sons and am at a stage in my life where I can now spend time on me. Think i just needed to get my thoughts out there but any thoughts and advice would be welcome.

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Big hug JoR...you sound like me - sensible and logical but caught up in the emotion and dilemmas of a dishonest ex (and yes he is an asshole if he dropped his status on you like that) who gifted us something we would rather not have and affects our health and our relationship with ourselves and others who we are intimate with.


The thrush...yes I had the same. I think I actually got it from a boyfriend who did disclose to me...but then I used to have thrush regularly through my marriage (and caught genital warts from him being unfaithful in that time) so I will never know.


Why now?...I think you answered that with long term lack of intimacy with your man, a stressful job and a difficult teen - those three are pretty tough all at once. If your man is amazing...yes stay and work it out to recapture that intimacy. When you are feeling ill and are stressed its easy to feel like the relationship isn't working, when really its under pressure.


Find ways to nurture yourself ... sounds like you are doing that. And the teen...been there too and its a phase. Plus I would add that you are in the pre menopausal years and hormones are a trigger for herpes ... I had my first episode last year just after I had my last period, I had had thrush often in the months before hand.


You will feel better soon and you have so much to be lucky for...yes herpes is just tiny part of it really and you have a man who loves you enough to accept this part of you too. Glad you came on here...:-)

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Also while light exercise is extremely good for the immune system (and for relieving stress), heavy exercise can put stress on the body and compromise the immune system, so if you recently started working out again, and you're pushing your body harder than it is used to, it's possible that may have contributed to that blister showing up now of all times.


Which certainly isn't to say you should never push yourself physically, just pay attention to your body, and when it shows signs of stress, adjust your exercise plan accordingly.

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Thanks for your support and comments - All is well now I guess until next time (hopefully a while!) but I actually feel a lot more positive having got this out in the open. Am going to knock the gym on the head ( found it a chore) but funnily the outbreak happened after I had been 3 times in 4 days so maybe something to do with it. I started yoga classes again tonight and it felt great so will stick at that and a more 'mindful' way of living - better food, being aware of relaxing. In terms of the fella I think he is causing me more stress than I care to admit to so maybe time to let that go for a while at least. Time to be a bit selfish I think and look after me! I have to say the positivity on this site is brilliant - there are so many out there that could put the fear of god in people. Keep up the good work :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just got out if a relationship 3 days ago with the father of my child. I stayed for my son but also because he accepted that I had H! I knew it was bad for awhile and new I wasn't happy but the thought of being alone or possibly rejected time after time made me stay. I'm really working now on making life changes! I have to finish school, have about 100 pounds to lose and want to get my confidence and spirit back. Finding this forum is really keeping me sane!

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You go girls...don't settle for less and if your spirit is not being nourished and you aren't being cherished...do what it takes to give that to yourself. I am happily single and only have small twinges of wanting a relationship now...they pass pretty quickly (it'll happen when it happens!). Be lovingly selfish and nurturing... you don't need a significant other to do that for yourself...actually its often easier when you are on your own ( you have heaps of extra time and no guilt)! And I found it's easier to deal with my kids on my own too... yours will mirror your positive changes! I wish you both the very best... :-)

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