I'm herpes positive, he's negative..

[babykate]

I was just diagnosed with Genital Herpes. The culture came back positive on me and I was informed today by my PCP. My gyno also did a test and I'm going back to him on Monday and I think we're going to do a blood test eventho the culture has come back positive on me. He said that blood tests were the only way to get a definitive answer but I've lost hope that it'll be negative :(

 

My husband got a blood test done and his results were given today -- negative. Our gf hasnt had a test done yet, but chances are she's going to be negative too since they've had penetrative sex and all me and her have done is oral (I think that worst case scenerio for her is that she'll have the cold sores if anything).

 

I'm sad and feel lonely rn. All I've done is cry since Monday. My husband went back and forth b/t blaming himself (bc his ex said she had it) and wanting to murder my ex boyfriend (we were together on and off for 10yrs and he never once showed signs or symptoms of herpes). Now that my husband has tested negative and our gf will most likely test negative, i feel even more alone here. I feel like they'd be better off without me, like they should stay together and me and him should just get divorced and me go live by myself -- this is wat i think i deserve anyway -- bc now I feel as tho I'm no good to anyone anymore :'(

 

He acts like he's angry at me. He wants to be alone all the time and doesnt even want to look at me or touch me it seems. I want to talk to him about things but he just keeps screaming at me and telling me I'm lazy (I've been in so much pain the last couple of weeks that I haven't done any housework). Today he told me he's sick of me. Well I'm sick of myself tbh. All I'm going to be is sick or sad from now on. Especially if I dont luck out with not having frequent outbreaks..I have a very low tolerance for pain and hydros do help me but I can't get hooked on those..Soo I feel like I'm going to always be the party pooper..

[WCSDancer2010]

babykate

 

First - Welcome! Glad you found us.

 

I'm first going to let you know I've been (mostly lovingly) dubbed the "Forum Mom" because I dispense tough love.... so I just want you to know that I'm calling it as i see it and it's nothing personal. You can take or leave anything I say and it won't hurt my feelings.

 

This caught my eye first:

 

He acts like he's angry at me. He wants to be alone all the time and doesnt even want to look at me or touch me it seems. I want to talk to him about things but he just keeps screaming at me and telling me I'm lazy (I've been in so much pain the last couple of weeks that I haven't done any housework). Today he told me he's sick of me.

 

REALLY???? I can understand that he is confused and even angry because this is not something ANY of you saw coming, but to yell at you, call you lazy, and tell you he is sick of you. Honey, that is called ABUSE and there is NO EXCUSE for him to behave like that. If the man LOVES you he will stand by you through this.

 

There's no use for his getting angry at anyone. If he was with his ex and knew she had it, he had taken that risk. If your ex didn't know he had it (assuming he does) it's not his fault either. "Fault" assumes intent. It's noone's fault - it just is what it is.

 

Did they say if you had Type 1 or 2? If it's type 1 then your GF could definitely have given it to you if she has coldsores......AND your hubby is at risk for getting it from her (oral and/or genital) so until you have everyone tested this isn't the time for him to be angry with you NOR should you be beating yourself up. BTW, a positive culture is pretty accurate - you can't grow a virus in a petri dish if it isn't there :p They should have been able to tell you if it was 1 or 2 from that...you shouldn't need a blood test. If you were just recently exposed it won't show up in the blood test anyway.

 

Rest assured you will NOT always be a party pooper. Read a much of the posts on here... you can have an AWESOME love life with herpes (Herpes gives us the excuse to get more creative during outbreaks!) and there are ways to protect your hubby and GF.

 

Sounds like your hubby needs to get properly informed about Herpes. Print out the handouts on here and/or get him on the discussion here (there is a category for H- partners) and get him to ask questions. That may help him calm down. But if not, well, PLEASE don't let his anger convince you that you are not smart and beautiful and WORTHY of love and RESPECT.

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

I know it's hard to believe now but it WILL get better.... Honest..

 

(((HUGS)))

[HerryTheHerp]

Kate, listen to mom. She's tough but she bakes mean cookies and can make even the mopiest of us get up and dance when we're having a rough time. She's forced me back out on the dance floor more than a few times this month.

 

I'm going to agree with WCS in saying you shouldn't put up with abuse in a relationship, married or not. Any man who would treat a woman like that isn't a man, and I can't be any blunter than that. Real men take that whole "For better and worse, sickness and health" as a mantra for living, not just a line to recite before the cake is served.

 

As far as your attitude towards yourself goes, well, be kind. No one wants herpes. No one likes having herpes. The physical symptoms can be annoying but the real damage is in our mind. It eats at who we are and how we value ourselves. I know. I just found out myself not that long ago and still go through what you are going through. Even the long-timers on here will tell you they went through the same thing. But, the reality is that you're no different than you were yesterday, or the day before that, or the decade before that. The person you are inside is still there and you can't let this virus get to that sweet woman who you've always seen in the mirror.

 

Cheer up. You've found the best and most supportive herpes community on the planet. Whether you're having a good day or a bad day, you're never going to be alone as long as you keep coming here.

 

[lelani]

Hi Kate....oh dear you are going through the process of really seeing who you are with....and he's not pretty. I don't mean to sound flippant because I know how distressing it is. I agree with 'Mom' :-) and HtheHerp...any many that treats his woman like that isn't a man and doesn't deserve you.

 

You need to surround yourself with supportive and loving people...this man is neither. You may not have realised this before...but you see the truth of people when the shit hits the fan like this. How he is behaving says nothing about you and everything about him. His behaviour and attitude will be making you feel bad, more that dealing with contracting Herpes. It takes a while to feel ok managing it in your life and what you are feeling is completely normal.

 

Keep checking in with us all and know that you are beautiful and deserve respect and love. Don't think that they are better of without you...I think it is the other way around.

 

xx

 

[babykate]

Thnx y'all. Things have gotten better especially since we now kno its hsv 1. My husband is a good man and does love me but he gets self destructive when things get out of his control and obviously he can't control this..or take it away or make me all better you kno? he knows he has issues n I am in counseling -- have been for yrs -- and they are aware that he does come undone a lil sometimes..but we have all regrouped and talked and everyone especially me, are in a good place now with everything. We have all agreed that my health comes first and our love and commitment for each other will always come b4 sex..I was definitely in a very down mood and dark place, both emotionally and physically drained, when I posted b4 I felt soo alone. But I will keep coming here and appreciate you all and ur honest caring, opinions, advice, and help :-) I really do need it! <3