Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Uncertain of who to turn to.

Recommended Posts

Hi all. I'm a college sophomore who has taken a long break from dating to focus on my studies. This semester I met a really nice guy who offered to take me out. Eventually I agreed, we met up, and the date was a success. We were at the movies, it was dark when we met up, and midway through the movie he kissed me without my permission, but I thought it was kind of sweet at the time until after leaving the theatre I saw that he had a cold sore on the very side of his lip. It was scabbing over, and not terribly big, but I of course being ignorant to cold sores (never having one in my life) freaked out. After the date I rushed home and did so much research and had tears in my eyes when I read that I might have contracted oral herpes. The date occurred this Friday, how long does it usually take for cold sores to appear? Do you always get cold sores from kissing someone who has them, or is it a case by case basis? Where should I go from here?

Link to comment

Hi there JC...glad you popped on to get some support. Now....stop worrying :-)...you may never contract it from this one time, the chances are you won't. And if you do...join the majority of the population. It's amazing you haven't caught it as a child.


I don't have it (I have HSV2 and HPV) and I was with a man for 28 years who got cold sores regularly - I never contracted it orally or genitally. And we did a lot of kissing over that time!


You don't have to do anything. If you have contracted it you may never have any symptoms. There is no preventative or cure so if you have contracted it there isn't anything to do. I know it feels scary....but really there is nothing to worry about. Relax and don't look out for symptoms that may never happen (we all know what that is like...bit like if you think you are pregnant and every little thing you feel in your body makes you believe you are!!).


He may be ignorant about cold sores too so try not to be mad at him. If you continue to date him talk about it and avoid kissing if he feels any symptoms...and don't let him do any oral until you feel very trusting that he will be honest about symptoms and understands the implications of it for you.


Take care :-)

Link to comment

Lelani, you have comforted me on so many levels. The whole "watching for symptoms" thing has been happening to me for the last two days. I went out to the store yesterday after work and bought some abreva and have been applying it. I don't know if I've been doing it correctly: the back said to apply if i feel any tingle, burning, tightness or itching. Before all this, I was used to applying Chapstick to my lips on a regular basis and without applying it my lips would burn so much. I didn't want to apply any other product with abreva so I've been using the abreva raw on my lips.


I say all this to say, the burning that I feel could be due to my frequent Chapstick usage prior to this whole ordeal. Or it could be because I have contracted the virus. I also read that a fever is a precursor to a first outbreak. I rarely get sick anymore but I've been sneezing and coughing like crazy recently. I'm from New York so we've just suffered 3 snow storms, none of which I wore a hat during. It could be that I've caught a cold, or once again, that I've contracted the virus.


As someone who has never been sexually active before, all of these "could be's" and "maybe's" get terribly confusing and terribly frightening. My best friend who suffers from cold sores on a regular basis (every few months) has no idea that her cold sores are oral herpes. There's so much that we don't know and I wish I knew more to educate myself and others.


I want to continue seeing this guy: he's not "a guy with herpes that I like", he's just "a guy that I like". His disease shouldn't define him. And chances are, if you're correct Lelani, and I haven't even contracted it, I've probably at least been exposed to it. So, what are some smart decisions that I should make in regards to being affectionate towards him? And, if in the long run, I decide to become intimate with him?


Also, I read that incubation is anywhere from 2-20 days. For me this is day 3 (since the ordeal happened this Friday). He said he got his right away after sharing food with one of his buddies. Would I have started seeing signs by now?


Sorry for the long post. Thanks so much for answering it (whoever answers this) :)


Link to comment



First - Welcome ... good for you for looking for a place for accurate info and loving support. AND, good for you that you are not identifying the guy as a guy with Herpes!


I am sure that you can put the chapstick over the abreva once it is dry. However, if you ARE getting an OB and the abreva is working then while it's a good thing, it also means that you won't know for sure if you have it.... As for when you *might* show a sore, there are not hard and fast rules - Herpes is a slippery bugger and doesn't play much by "rules". If you are really really concerned you will want to take a blood test in about 6 months. However, you *could* already have the virus H1 in your system (80% of the population has Herpes and 80% of them don't know it) in which case you already have immunity to it.


I am sure that you can put the chapstick over the abreva once it is dry. However, if you ARE getting an OB and the abreva is working then while it's a good thing, it also means that you won't know for sure if you have it....


As for the guy, I would talk to him. Ask him if he understands that the cold sore is the Herpes virus and that by kissing you with a scabbed over sore he may have given it to you. Ask him also if he knows he can give it to a girl "down there" if he gives oral sex ... especially during an outbreak but that he can also be shedding BETWEEN outbreaks and pass it on. I would print out the disclosure handout here... and hand it to him.






There's a good chance he is also not well educated so you would be helping him. AND then you could learn about it together if you continue to date so that he could learn to manage his outbreaks and do what he can to protect you from getting it. I'd also tell your friend the same thing and hand her the handout... Knowledge is Power! If we all educate our friends, imagine how quickly this virus could be better understood and managed by those who have it :)


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...