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I need help

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Hey guys. I'm here because I just found out yesterday I have HSV-2. I figured nothing was wrong because I received no call, but then I got a letter saying I was negative for one, but positive for the other. I am devastated. I have only had one partner my whole life and have only been sexually active for a few months. I also found out about a 1 1/2 months ago that my bf cheated on me. I'm going through a million thoughts and emotions right now. How am I to know that he didn't get it from this one night stand? How do I move on from all of this? Not to mention he's thousands of miles away serving for the country, so he can't help me.


Every strange burning sensation I get I think I'm about to have an outbreak. The only symptoms I've had were that my bum hurt, and difficulty urinating, constipation, some burning, and aches kind of like cramps. No lesions. Am I supposed to have an outbreak? He's never had one before so he is just as shocked as I am.


Anyway, what am I supposed to do now? Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are running rampant. Smh. Took me this long to have a relationship (I'm 24) and now everything just fell apart. Sorry for the rant but I'm at the lowest I've been in awhile. Thanks for any feedback. :)

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Hi Bebe,


Regardless of how your boyfriend acquired it, the reality is that he's passed it on to you. You can't focus on that too much because it'll drive you crazy. What you have to decide is whether or not you want to salvage the relationship and move forward together or separately, and only you can know the answer to that difficult question.


You're also not alone in being fairly new to sex and getting this li'l bug. In fact, the majority of people in this forum had just one or two notches on their lipstick case when they got the news. It's tough to hear especially when you're just discovering your sexuality and the pleasures of being alive. But, the good news is your sex life isn't over, it's just developed a new aspect that you'll learn to manage and work through in time. This forum and the members here are amazing at helping you through that journey. There will be ups and downs, days when the sun is shining and days when the clouds will roll in, and everyone here understands that all too well.


Everyone experiences symptoms differently. Some get lesions, some get rashes, some never get anything at all. That's one of the annoying things about this virus is that there isn't a standard presentation. In time, the symptoms will decrease in severity and intensity, and it sounds like your's are already pretty mild. Also, your boyfriend might be part of the 80% who's never had symptoms. That's another annoying thing; only about 20% ever show physical symptoms, so it's possible your boyfriend has had the infection for a long while and never known about it.


What are you supposed to do? Well, get up, look in the mirror, and tell yourself that you love yourself. You're still the same woman you were yesterday, and you'll still be the same woman tomorrow. Don't let the virus define who you are; it's a part of you, but it is not who you are.


And, feel free to rant, rave, or share at any time. We all go through that. I was diagnosed in December and like all of us noobs there is a period of adjustment we all go through. Fortunately, there's some long-timers such as WCS, Adrial, and others who help us all get through those peaks and valleys.

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First - Welcome. So glad you found us....one of the best things you can do right now is read as much as you can here so that you see that you are not alone AND life will be just fine, even with your H-friend.


You may or may not have a full-on outbreak - every single person experiences Herpes differently. That's one of the reasons it's so hard to diagnose for some. If you don't get lesions, well, that's a HUGE bonus .... there are tons of tips on here about how to manage the symptoms you have (Two top hints: peeing in a bath of cool water helps reduce the burning and Epsom Salts baths ..where you dump a couple handfuls right between your legs so it's concentrated there ... helps to reduce some of they symptoms), as well as help with the emotions you are going through.


Herpes is an equal opportunity virus ... it doesn't care if you are a virgin or a slut, old or young, rich or poor, skinny or fat. It's just looking for a host and it can be a slippery little bugger in that it doesn't play by any one "rule" and it often manages to hide (as it did with your BF) so that it can get passed on.


I'm so sorry you are having to pay for your BF's poor behavior. Do know that whatever happens between you, you are still a lovable, beautiful person and that Herpes doesn't define who you are... it's just a nuisance skin condition in an awkward place .... a deal breaker for some but so is smoking and having children... and neither of those things makes the person "bad".


(((HUGS))) BREATHE and know you WILL be fine. Promise. I've had this for over 35 years and my life just keeps getting better every day (and it's never been "bad") ;)

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Sigh. Thank you Herry. We were still trying to figure that part of relationship and now this came up so it's become increasingly difficult. But I'm going to try and take it one day at a time. That's super hard for me but I'll try.

But, in the mean time I'm gonna go to the doctor and try to figure out all the other details about this. I can't wait until I no longer feel ashamed and stupid. I knew I didn't love myself like I should've before, but now it's pretty much non-existent. Smh

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Bebe -


I know you can't see it right now - you got a one-two punch between the BF and the virus. One day this will be in your rear view mirror, promise :)


One thing - make sure to go to an OBGYN, NOT a family Dr. Many GP's/Family Dr's are horridly out of date about STD's. Get thee to a Dr who see's this EVERY DAY. OK?



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Thank you! And OMG yes, the regular doc was so nonchalant about the whole thing. He didn't even want to test me the first time. I finally went back and asked him for the specific tests and there it was. Smh. Bf said he was tested but now that I think about it he prob was never tested for this.


I'm going this week. Thank you!

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Well, Dr's in general ARE nonchalant because to THEM, this is nothing more than a nuisance skin condition. They have people come in every day with diseases and conditions that are FAR more life altering...Cancer, Diabetes, Heart conditions, Addictions, etc. So don't be surprised if the OBGYN is also nonchalant - BUT, they will give you much better advice and information :)

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Ugh. It really bothered me how I got the news--a letter, starting with we are pleased to inform you you are negative for the oral type, however you're positive for the genital one. I was like wait, what?? But yeah, I suppose this isn't serious to them. :(


Also, the affair was recent and he hadn't been tested in about a year and a half. So it could've been now or way before. I have a feeling it's been awhile since he's had way more partners than me.

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Yeah. Smh. I got a sore throat today on top of the regular tingling, itching, burning. Is that a normal symptom? Also I've been googling and reading a lot and apparently these are prodomal (spelling? Lol) signs. Does that mean that I will get worse soon?!

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Sore throat can be a symptom if you have it orally. It can also be a symptom of a cold, a flu, or an allergy.


Google is evil. GET OFF GOOGLE!!! Looking for medical information on Google is one step short of asking the witch doctor whether you have cancer or indigestion. If you have questions, come here first.


Prodomes can come before an outbreak, or they can come without an outbreak following them. My prodomes lasted about a week before I got my first blister, others it takes a day, 2 days, 4 days, etc. Again, it varies for every single person. I've had plenty of prodomes without any OB occurring. Stressing about it will make it worse, so try and relax, take a hot bath, take a couple of Lysine pills, slather some aloe/zinc cream on the areas that are itching/burning, and take a long, deep breath. The likelihood is you're just shedding and won't have an OB.



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Can you get it orally and genitally at the same time? And does that mean I can pass it orally a lot easier? If I have these symptoms will it mean one day I'll have an outbreak? According to my symptoms this is my second shedding since I got it. So Idk if this means I'll one day have lesions or if I'll always deal with symptoms every month. It feels like I've had these symptoms for 2 1/2 weeks then one and a half weeks a uti according to a doctor, now I'm back at the itching and weird pain.

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Yes, if your body hasn't built up the antibodies yet, you can get orally/genitally. It can take up to 6 months to build up enough antibodies.


As far as symptoms/OB's, there's no way to know whether you'll ever have lesions or not. The vast majority of people don't. In fact, I've had itching/weird pains, no lesions for weeks at a time. It's all part of your body adjust to the virus.

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You might have a lot of prodromes in your genital region - the sore throat may be the flu type symptoms that some get .... my ex got the flu stuff with his OB's for several years.


Yes - the symptoms should go away over time... note, I said over time, not over night ;)


It will get better...but the more you think about it the longer it will take because your stress levels will cause you to have more OB's.... So stop "waiting" for it to get worse or it WILL get worse!



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Ohh...I'm so upset I might not be able to get to the doctor bc of these crazy snow storms. I guess bc I just got it I keep having the prodrome symptoms all the time. So I should give it another half year before it chills out a bit? But yes, I will try to not stress so much (it's hard though bc I've had depression and anxiety for years now. This literally shot both of them up). Thank you guys for everything. You've helped more than my doctor. Hmph! Lol

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