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Hello everyone. I went to the doctor on January 27 because I noticed some sores in my vaginal area. As soon as the exam started, she said "oh man I hope this isn't herpes".. She sent me on my way with a lecture and a book called "How to Find Your Soulmate".. I was devastated, even though I already figured that's what it was. I call my boyfriend at the time and let him know. He freaked out, but later on that night told me that we would work past it.. Now a week ago, he tells me he can't and he wants to break up. He told me he shouldn't be scared to kiss or have sex with someone he loves. I accepted the fact that he was going to accept me for me.. So now I'm stuck here with a diagnosis I still haven't quite accepted and a heart that is hurt. I feel lost, dirty, sad, frustrated. I just need a little support. =...[

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Sores on the vajajay are never fun. Did the doctor take blood or a swab? That would seem appropriate and I hope they did so you can find out for sure one way or the other.


"How to find your soulmate?" Really? Did you go to an OBGYN or a Psychologist? Man, I'm terrified of finding out the publishing houses have now gotten into the medical industry. Next time I visit my urologist he might give me a book entitled "Playing with your Penis...it'll make you go blind." Hang on, I need to switch my screen to large font so I can see what I'm writing...


Ok, 78 point Times New Roman. That's better.


Your boyfriend freaked? Well, that's pretty common. Almost everyone hits that freak out button at the mention of the word. Do you know where/when you acquired it (keep in mind, it doesn't sound like you know for sure that it's herpes?) Is it possible you acquired it from your current boyfriend?


Sex is a scary thing. It comes with all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases and sexually transmitted emotions attached to it. It even comes with the risk of creating a non-stop eating, pooping, crying, and Crayola consuming machine known as a child.


You're not lost. You've found this forum and it's a wealth of support and information. It's a shelter in the storm, so take a breath and know you're among friends who don't think you're dirty or disgusting. We all understand the emotions you're going through. You're par for the course, and we'll be here to help pick you up and carry you when you stumble.


For now, if you haven't had the swab test, or are safely out of the window period (4-6 months) for blood testing, you should relax. Get those done at the appropriate times and until then, just remember to breathe.





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Thanks Herry for responding. I forgot to write that I do have it unfortunately. The doctor didn't even need to call me to tell me the results, I already knew. Honestly I'm not sure were I got it from. I was with 4 people.. All in which I used condoms, even though I know with these it doesn't matter.. I did have unprotected with my, now I will call him ex, boyfriend. Of course he stated he was clean. I had a horrible first outbreak, I was terribly ill.. Pretty much textbook "first outbreak".. Flu like symptoms, nausea, vomiting, sores, painful. He didn't notice any sores that looked like mine. He did get razor bump and ingrown hair bumps, which could be H after doing plenty of research. At first he was very supportive, he kept stating "well I could have given you this it you could have been having it"... Now it's like he doesn't want to deal with it at all.. I'm unsure if he went to get tested yet..


I'm just so lost.. I went from having a nearly prefect, close to perfect at it can get, relationship.. To nothing.. Along with being positive.

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Well, a blood test (or swab on fresh blisters) can tell if it's 1 or 2 you're dealing with. It's important to know that, especially since 1 is much more common than 2. Hate to say it, but if it's 1 the social stigma is far less than it is with 2 even though they're virtually identical.


Yeah, I used condoms, too. It's like using a tennis net to stop bb's when it comes to this li'l virus. They're great against some things, not so much when it comes to herpes.


It does sound like you had a textbook first OB. If that happened while you were with your boyfriend and completely monogamous with him, then it's likely he's the one who gave it to you. People can have it for years and never show symptoms. As far as primary's go, ones like yours usually only occur upon exposure and not after a dormant infection decides to surface.


He probably doesn't want to deal with it. Keep in mind, if he didn't know he had it, he's probably shocked as well. I'm dealing with the same thing with the gal who gave it to me. Everyone reacts differently and I'd just let things ride right now without trying to force it one way or the other. Talk about it when he's ready and be gentle in your discussions with each other. It's a bump in your relationship; if the relationship was strong before, it's got a great chance of bouncing back.



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Welcome.... as Herry said, this is a safe place where you can vent, ask questions, and find support.


So here's a thought. Can you ask him to have one "last" conversation with him? Meet him somewhere neutral and safe.... and then take the disclosure handouts from here ( http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout ) and give him the facts... put it to him that whatever happens you want him properly informed....and that there is a lot of BAD information out there and scary pictures and such.... make sure he understands that 80% of people have Herpes and 20-25% of women have Genital herpes AND that most of the don't know they have it....ask him to get tested before he makes that decision to walk away because if he has it, then it's a moot point for him to worry... if you both have it, he can't "get more" of it from you.


That may help him either way to slow down and get over the knee-jerk reaction to run.... it may not change anything but at least you will be helping him to get properly informed so he knows the truth about Herpes.....


(((HUGS))) my friend....

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Thanks Herry and WVSdancer for writing back. I had the blister swab done, but the doctor didn't tell me which one it was. Maybe I'll call her during the week and see if she can tell me.


Yes, I was in a completely monaguous relationship with him for apprimately 5 months. The last time before him that I had sex with someone was about four months before. I was reading a lot that when people get sick like I do, it's usually after the first exposure. I had actually gotten a cut down there about two days before the bumps occurred. My doctor even told me she believes I got it from him. I was actually being overly "crybaby" with him over the last week. I was just upset that he told me he was going to accept me, but then flipped the script and left.


As for having one last conversation with him, I don't think it's going to happen. I actually tried to meet up with him today to talk. He said "don't keep dragging this out longer then you have too. You're making it worse". Honestly he may not even go get tested. I hope he does for other women's sake. We both did, well I know I did, our fair share of looking up information about H when it first occurred.


Thanks so much for writing back. It feels good to talk to someone with this also. I felt like I was the only person in the world with it, even though statistics say otherwise. I'm actually a 23 year old ER nurse. It just breaks my heart to have something that I at times I may have to treat my patients ways to prevent. :/

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