I feel all alone

[PrimordialOoze]

Hi all, I am waiting to get a blood test done for herpes, but I am pretty sure I have it. And I have it bad. I think I got it from my ex-husband of 15 years. There is no other way. I am soon to be divorced with 2 kids and I live in India. This is a life sentence for me. So I'm just trying to come to terms with what all this means. I am in constant pain both emotional and physical. other than my mom and doctors, no one knows. And I am mortified of people finding out. I feel lost and lonely and keep thinking of just running away. I can imagine no future of companionship or love. I was emotionally and physically abused by my ex. I finally had the guts to break it off and now this. I am devastated.

[beachluvr]

Hello PrimordialOoze

 

Yes, this is something that you will have to live with but we all are living with it too. We are all hoping for a cure one day, but in the mean time, we are all in the same boat, so we understand. It's a very emotional disease that is hard to come to terms with at first. I still have roller coaster ride days with it emotionally but it's getting better. Don't allow it to consume you emotionally; don't allow it to win. Be strong and learn to control it. This is a great community of knowledgeable people who are very supportive, willing to share, give great advice...so don't ever feel alone. Post, vent, share, comment...whatever you need to do to learn about H. I know I feel better educating myself, reading others stories, hearing the advice from others, etc. It tends to make it easier for me. Once you've been diagnosed, see if your doctor will give you daily meds to help with OB. I take them daily along with some other supplements and have only had two very minor OB, so I really do think the daily meds work. Try not to stress; it makes it worse. It know it's easier said than done, but you will get through it. You had the courage/strength to leave your abusive husband. That courage/strength will help you through this as well and will one day help you move forward to find that special someone who will be accepting of you 100%. We are here for you!! Hang in there.

 

Hugs!!

[PrimordialOoze]

Thank you. Thank you.

[WCSDancer2010]

@PrimordialOoze

 

Welcome my brave friend ...

 

As Herry pointed out, it took a lot of courage to leave your husband. So remember that as you navigate these first months and even years with Herpes. How you cope with the split and this will be what your children see and learn from. For a daughter, this will be to love herself enough to stand up to anyone who tries to do anything to physically or emotionally harm her. For a son, it will be to respect the women in his life and to treat them right. As they become young adults, if you disclose to them what your husband left you with, it will be a lesson for them to be cautious in who they have relations with. I know you may not have had a choice, but as India progresses that may change for them and they need to know that this virus is out there and they need to be wise in picking their partners. AND, how they remember how you coped with the early days with Herpes will also teach them how to be if they DO happen to get it.

 

It is, in all reality, a nuisance skin condition in a really awkward and uncomfortable place. Face it from that perspective. Yes, you are hurting now but it does get better and it will get better faster when you can reduce the stress in your life.

 

And remember... you are FAR from alone. Our rates here are 80% have one form or another. I don't know what the rates are in India but I would guess they are similar. So welcome to the majority! The only minority you are in now is that you now know you have it... of the 80% with herpes, 80% don't know they have it.

 

I've had H for most of my life - Oral since about age 3, genital since about age 17. I'm 52. I have 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful life filled with tons of friends. I was in a marriage of 20 years (he got it from me because I didn't know what the rash was..) and 2 BF's (3 yrs each) ... both accepted my H+ status. I'm in menopause now which seems to have cut my OB's to next to nothing but most of my life I had a couple OB's a year that were a nuisance but every time I got one I got better at managing it to where they were a very minor inconvenience in the end.

 

I say this because I want you to know that life will go on. Getting this when you are still dealing with leaving your hubby just makes it feel all the worse but DO know you will come through this. You are a survivor. Never forget that :)

 

Peace

[PrimordialOoze]

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your story. It really means a lot. What bothers me the most (and I know this is just venting) is that the final "nail to the coffin" with my ex was him screaming at me that I had an affair. I believe that HE had an affair. I started the antivirals last week, with the ointments, I guess all doctors prescribe Mupirocin Ointment. They only sell it in 5g teensy tubes here. So, in the middle of the night, up in pain, I decided to go through our old "medicine" box. I found a 20g tube of mupirocin next to a tube of hydrocortisone.

 

And all of a sudden, I remember clear as day that my ex had been complaining of red rash/spots. I realize now that he must have had it. The last time we did the deed was in Oct 2013. Shortly after I had one pimple every month just after my period. which coincided with my bikini wax. So I just thought it was an ingrown hair.

 

I feel so betrayed. I had just opened an account on a dating site and a guy is super interested in me. And I just am so, so lost. It's a huge blow. As you can imagine being a divorcee in India is a huge thing. Now this. I know I will weather it. I must if not for myself, then for the kids. I miss having someone in my life that I can love and trust. It's been so long. My heart is crushed.

[WCSDancer2010]

I am sure that things are more complicated for you in India. But again, you have already bucked the system by getting a divorce and walking away from an abusive relationship with a man who cheated on you. That is huge.

 

All you can do is get educated about Herpes, how you can keep your partner from getting it, etc. And then trust that the right gentleman will come along who will accept you and your H friend. I'm going to post some links below for you to read - we have had a lot of successful disclosures on here.... these stories show that it IS possible to find love with an H+ status.

 

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2384/successful-herpes-disclosure

Bookworm_21

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps#Item_2 nic4897

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

 

Peace :)

[PrimordialOoze]

Right now it feels bleak. But I have gone through so much, this seems like loose change to add to the heap. I look at my kids, at the life I have now and I remind myself that things could be worse. This seems like a good starting point for the rest of my life. I have this forum so I feel my thoughts and feelings can be heard. I am so fortunate to be doing what I am. So what if I never have a companion? I will be strong with myself for my kids, for all the social work I do. I will continue mentoring young women to be the best they can be. I will pour my heart and soul into things that are meaningful to me. It feels bleak, but I'll be fine. X

[PrimordialOoze]

PS - it's worst at night!!!

[WCSDancer2010]

Yeah - nights suck... especially when life seems bleak. That's when you need to come on here and realize that you are NOT alone. And as for mentoring the young women...what a beautiful thing...AND, perhaps in time you can share with them YOUR story including your experience with Herpes and teach them about STD's ... especially the fact that life doesn't end if you get one!

 

(((HUGS)))