Maybe more than friends with benefits?

[smilesfordani]

So I'm finally over my ex of a year that was probably the sweetest person God put in this earth...and I need advice on whether it's time or not to disclose again.

 

This is the situation:

 

Lately I've been seeing my friend with benefits a lot. We've known each other about 1.5 years and tried to date for a bit a couple years ago (about 5 months after I was diagnosed). At some point I ended things, but at the end of the day we stayed friends throughout.

 

After I broke up with my ex I've become more intimate with him yet again. We've never gone all the way, but we fool around pretty often. It's the strangest relationship ever since we're extremely close. We can talk about anything, he's never passed judgement on me, we're extremely affectionate, we will pretty much do any favor the other asks, we've given relationship/sex advice to one another often, and he seriously cares about me. I've told him time and time again that the chances of us having sex are slim (he doesn't know about H at all), and he's okay with that because he loves to spend time with me and he's fine fooling around in other ways. This has gone on for some two months now.

 

Lately, he's been hinting a lot more and asking why it would be so bad for us to have sex. I'm constantly trying to change the subject and just say that it's because we're friends and that would severely change the dynamic and I usually only do that if I know I'm the only girl in that guy's life at the time and I know he's not totally ready for that. While he's said that if feelings for me surfaced he wouldn't fight them (and lately he's been more and more affectionate, wanting to see me, wanting more attention from me, LOVES it if I act even the least bit jealous or annoyed about any girl he's seeing), he hasn't made it a point to talk seriously about the prospect of us dating, which I would need time to think about too, but let's just say, I think some feelings are growing on both ends of the spectrum.

 

About the talk:

 

I know he's been pretty promiscuous in the past, so I know for sure he has to have been exposed to this and other viruses/diseases before from the woman he's slept with, dated, hooked up with, seen. Whatever you have it. However, I'm still scared to let him know since I don't know if anyone has ever had such a talk with him. From what it seems like, nope.

 

To be honest, I'm really curious about having sex with him and want to. We have amazing chemistry, I know he cares about me deeply, and I'm certain we would have amazing sex. For him, I would make an exception to my "only when in a serious relationship" rule. I just don't know how he'll react and that terrifies me. I don't know if what we have now will continue to grow into dating (to be frank, it's likely that he might want if this keeps up...he makes comments all the time when I laugh at the thought of us being together and says that in his eyes it wouldn't be strange at all if we ended up together.)

 

I know no matter what we'll probably end up being friends again even if he reacts badly, but the thing is, I don't want him to react badly. I don't want him to see me in a different light. He knows I don't sleep around, that I'm loyal to my boyfriends, and am a great person and friend....I don't want that to change. I guess I'm between wanting him to be a friend or more than a friend at this point and dunno what the best approach is to handling a disclosure when battling those feelings out.

 

The last girl he saw used to be with slept with a ton of dudes, used to be a stripper and a drug addict and he accepted her as she was. I guess I'm terrified that he'd see me as more of a risk due to H than seeing someone like her... that would really hurt me considering his lifestyle. I'm taking anti-virals, take care of my health, and would enforce a condom if we ever did, but I'm not sure if that's enough to get the stigma cleaned fro his head.

 

I feel like I have two choices:

 

1 - I completely end our intimate relationship and am extremely strict about us being ONLY and NEVER more than friends and don't risk being hurt but also don't risk seeing where things could take me with someone that cares for me so much.

 

2 - I disclose and see where things go.....while our sex could be great and he might be accepting, he might also reject me, be weird, and in turn I would feel awful for not being able to be accepted by someone that I've been convinced loves my entire person.

 

What do I do!? :/

 

[joancharlotte]

Sleep on it the answers will come. Be a realist not a romantic both get tested.

[Guest]

Enjoy your life! If this guy's ex-girlfriend was a stripper and he sleeps around a lot, he likely has more to tell you, than you to tell him. He's a high mileage guy, chances are he's got some wear and tear on him. I doubt he will reject you...he didn't reject the stripper did he? Disclose and keep the statistic sheet with you and go over the math together (use a calculator). Then have him disclose to you. It could be fun, "I show you mine if you show me yours." I think the best thing is to do the full STD test (with printouts) so you have no surprises. It's expensive, but it gives you piece of mind.