How I found out I have herpes, venting and telling my story.

[ShawnaA]

When I was 16 years old I was raped and lost my virginity that way (not even my mom knew that I kept it to myself) and thats how I contracted Herpes. I didn't know I had it for the longest time everything seemed normal I'd get a few sores down there but it was in the middle of summer and just let it go as heat rash and then when I turned 17 in my junior year of high school I had a true break out. It was the worst feeling of my life and burning and itching and the pain so excruciating. So my aunt and I made an appointment at one of the free clinics in town and that's how I found out. It was the worst feeling because I had to tell my current boyfriend of the time he couldn't even look at me and was afraid to even touch me. My Aunt, dad and sister treated me like I was an abomination cleaning off the toilet seat with bleach and the bath tub before and after every use. Which made me feel so dirty and disgusted with myself and even talking about it now makes me cry. The only people that made me feel at the time was my mom and my Cousin (who also had contracted herpes and supported me) in her younger ages. It hurt me so much to be treated like this my aunt and sister would talk behind my back and one day I walked in on one of their conversations, which left me wanting to end it all. I went to one of my friends house and she talked me through she hugged me and let me cry and cry and cry until I didn't have any tease and told me she didn't care about that and she loved me, she never once treated me like a walking plague. Things settled down once I exploded on the whole house telling them they couldn't catch it from me sitting on a toilet seat or from even using the same tub. I went through all of this by myself pretty much without any supporters, most of my family besides my mom and cousin always brought me down about it. This happened back in 2010.

 

Now in 2014 I have over come the feeling of nastiest and I don't look down on myself or even blame myself for what happened. I am also able to tell the people I am close friends with about it. I have even told my current lover and boy friend that I suffer from it and it's affecting our relationship (doesn't want to have sexual contact anymore) but I'm fine with that we will talk about it (i've known him for about 8 and a half years) and I'm sure we can work this out, it's just the fear that he has and I can understand why. I also haven't had any really bad break outs last year in 2013 I only had a couple which were very mild a few bumps here and there but I would dry them out and in a couple day they would peel and be gone ( I made sure not to have any sexual contact with anyone for fear of spreading it). I was also on antivirals for awhile Acyclovir but I found that I didn't really have a use since I wasn't having any real severe outbreaks.

 

In 2014 I haven't had any out breaks at all I've found a new support site, I have been less stressed out, and I've been eating a lot healthier too. I also realized from the videos from youtube that this doesn't have to stop me from having sexual relationships I just have to be responsible about it and inform my lover in a proper way (which I already have) and that I can still find love in the future if I want to. To sum it all up it's a new beginning and just because I have herpes It doesn't mean that its the end. I know things from the past shouldn't affect me anymore but sometimes it does.

[beachluvr]

Hi, ShawnaA

 

I'm sorry that you've been through so much;; rape, herpes, and having a family who wasn't there for you when you needed them the most. You sound like a very strong person who was able to pull through this and are accepting it. I'm still new at this (diagnosed in December) but am getting through it too. Educating myself and this forum make it easier...day by day. I know, in the beginning, this seems like a battle we will never win, but once we accept and learn about it, not allow it to consume us, find support, and love ourselves, then we will gain control and win! You're a winner! Thank you for sharing.

 

Hugs!

[WCSDancer2010]

ShawnaA

 

Welcome and (((HUGS))) - you sure have been through a lot for a young person. I'm so sorry that your family treated you so poorly - I can't imagine them acting like that given the circumstances of how you got H. Ignorance is such an ugly disease :(

 

I'm so glad you found us. We are here to support you. Vent, share, ask questions. We will do our best to help.

 

I DO want to point out that if you are having sexual relations with the BF you need to get on the Acyclovir ... AND he needs to get tested if you were intimate (even on Acyclovir) so you know his status for sure... and he should get tested twice (2nd in 4 months) if he comes up negative.

 

I would send him here to ask his own questions in our section for H- partners (My partner/loved one has Herpes). And print out the handouts http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout and give it to him (print out one for yourself too). Get familiar with the stats and facts. Be patient with him. The biggest gift you can give him is the gift of KNOWLEDGE ... because ignorance is responsible for all the blame and shame that is in the world. Help him learn about what Herpes really IS, (and get him to get some GOOD information on STD prevention in general) and how he can protect himself.

 

And heads up - when most people see the true facts, it will scare them more because you will realize that pretty much every sexually active person will likely get some kind of STD (if not several) in their lifetime. BUT, that's a good thing. Because then they will take better care of themselves in the future, and that is a beautiful gift to give him.

 

Hopefully he will get over the fear. If he doesn't, it's not about YOU, it's about HIM. You sound like a truly beautiful person. Don't ever let any man's behavior make you think otherwise :)

 

Peace

[ShawnaA]

Thank you so much ^.^ I will send him the handouts and make sure he gets tested, he fears of getting it and I can understand why and I will have him tested as well. And thank you for the support.