Am I what he truly wants? - opinions please

[MixedEmotion22114]

So last Friday I found out I have herpes. And of course at first I was a mess. But now I'm actually coping with it really well, there's moments I break down and cry but I get over it. The only reasons I'm taking it so easy is because, I see it as a skin condition now instead of a huge health risk, my best friend told me she also has an std and has been helping me cope and realize as long as I'm cautious I can still live a normal life, and my boyfriend... Whom I've known for going on 3 years, we dated when we first met and decided we weren't ready, we've stayed in touch on and off ever since, and recently we got back together, I was really scared to tell him that someone had given me herpes while we weren't together, and I had no idea that I did have it before we decided to start dating again . But after a few hours of calming myself down after I found out I decided to tell him, and to my disbelief, he said "I love you, I don't want to be with anyone else, so if you have it then I do too, because you're the only girl that understands me" . And believe me it made me the happiest ever for him to say that, and I love him too, I haven't been able to not go back to him after a few failed relationships . But I just don't understand, maybe that's the only thing I'm having a hard time coping with, is how and why would he want to be with me. I just would really like some opinions on my situation, am I just making a big deal or do you think there might be something he's not telling me? And if it matters or not I'm 16 and he's 18 .

[sweetfemme]

Well you see h as a skin condition and not something to stop you from living and loving, it sounds like he might see it as the same too. I would like to say you are so brave and honest by telling him before anything physical happened, this can be extremely difficult for a lot of people which I admit it is for me to the point where I sometimes avoid relationships. You did not let h stop you pursuing a relationship so I admire you. It can almost be hard to believe that someone can love you in this situation but it sounds like it is true that he does love and care for you. If you speculate there is something he is not telling you then talk to him. Ask him about how he feels about you having h and really talk about it. Maybe if you two talk about this a bit more you won't feel as insecure about his love for you. Maybe it could strengthen the relationship?

[WCSDancer2010]

@MixedEmotion22114

 

First - Welcome. Good for you for coming on here to help you sort through your "stuff" with Herpes.

 

I got HSV2 at 17, but at that time there wasn't the stigma there is now so I dealt with it differently... however, I do want you to realize you are very young and have a LOT of life ahead of you ... AND ... you seem to have a very mature perspective on all this.

 

So answer this for me. If it was the other way around, how would you feel about him? It sounds like you really love him ... and he loves you. If you have unconditional love, well, then your "condition" isn't an issue for him.

 

You did ask if he wasn't telling you something though... so are you wondering if he may have it and not be telling you? Do you know when he was last tested? It's entirely reasonable for you to ask him to get tested so you know if you should go on anti-virals to try to keep him from getting it. But if he does have it, well, that is important to know too because it means you don't have to worry about protecting him from it....

 

(((HUGS)))

[MixedEmotion22114]

I do actually have a feeling he could have it, there were rumors going around that his last ex also has herpes. And if it's true maybe that's why he's so willing to stay in a relationship with me . But yea, I think I'm going to have a talk with him about this whole situation .

 

But now there's something more, I was talking with the person I believe gave me herpes, and has told me it's in my best interest to get checked for chlamydia as well... Which after looking up symptoms I believe I also have . And now it feels like it's just going to keep getting worse, I feel disgusting all because of one guy . Not just one STD, but now I have to deal with two . I understand chlamydia is temporary, but my self esteem has plummeted . I just don't understand why this is all happening to me . At 16 I feel like this is the last thing I should have to deal with!

[WCSDancer2010]

Honey - here's the deal - Herpes ( and Chlamydia, HPV, etc) don't care about your age, sexual orientation, height, weight, or financial status. If you are sexually active you will always run a risk. As I have explained in other threads, living implies risk:

 

If we get in our car, we do certain things to reduce the risk of injury to ourselves and others. We get a license. We wear a seat belt. We buy a car with Airbags... some also have traction control/all-wheel drive/warning systems/etc. We maintain the tires and brakes. We obey traffic signals and laws. And hopefully we don't drive impaired. Now, in spite of all that, we might be in an accident some day. Does that automatically make us a bad driver???? NO. Often the other person was impaired/didn't maintain their vehicle/ran a light/etc. But WE live with the consequences, and some of those consequences are life changing. Do we beat ourselves up for getting in the accident? Probably not. Would our friends ride with us in future? Most likely. EVEN IF you were "that guy" who is known for not being the best driver, most people would stand by you and be there for you. So why are STD's any different? Because once someone has that "accident" (whether it's their fault or not) they go into a closet and don't come out, don't talk about it, and don't get support while they heal. Imagine if that happened after every car accident?

 

At 16, you could be dealing with much bigger fish - Pregnancy, car accidents, etc. Yes, it's a nuisance that you may have to get treated for Chlamydia, but it IS curable - just make sure your BF gets treated too. At least the Ex told you... otherwise you could have had it for much longer and it could have affected your reproductive future. What blows me away is that you were not tested for that (and HPV, etc I would assume) when you came up + for Herpes. :/

[MixedEmotion22114]

Nothing has ever made more sense than what you just told me, I never thought about it like that .

But how this all happend started because I thought I had a UTI, and I have never had one, and I guess still haven't, but I went to the doctor so they could treat it, they had me give them a urinary sample and it came back negative for a UTI . So they were going to do a pelvic exam, but the doctor just looked and swabbed my out break, left the room and came back told me it was HSV-2 .

[WCSDancer2010]

Its hard at your age to stand up to an authority like a Dr...but you need to go in there and ask why you were not tested for everything else...esp as you had symptoms that could be attributed to many different infections and STD (discharge). Then tell them they need to get to the bottom of that and get to testing you for everything :(

 

 

[nic4897]

Agreed @wcsdancer2010! You are my daughter's age @mixedemotion22114 and if I were your mum... I'd march you right in there and ask for a full testing! You're very brave and quite responsible and it sounds like you have a friend and a partner for support but you must be your own advocate. Thinking of you, sweetheart... Coming from a mom who became a mom at 19 and has done pretty well for herself because I always advocate and have fought hard for what was right for me. :) xx Be true to yourself, always. And, first!!

[MixedEmotion22114]

Believe me, after doing all the research I have done these past few days I am furious they didn't.. I am going back and demanding they make sure I have nothing else.. This sucks, but I can not thank you all for being here and helping me, giving me all the information I need right now. It means the world to me that someone's here and listening to my story and what I'm going through .

[nic4897]

Always !!!! Xxx

[fitgirl]

@mixedemotion22114 .... you are a smart young woman. sometimes boys (men) make you feel like they are loving you for the right reasons and make you feel like you are lucky to have them. sometimes you are and sometimes you are not. trust your gut and your intuition. herpes is no reason to stay together and it is not reason to break apart. it doesn't matter if you have chlamydia it doesn't matter if you have herpes, it doesn't matter if you have AIDS. you are who you are. get informed, get tested and stay strong. you are young and you have a full life ahead of you. this is soooo not going to define you, its only going to make you better.