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Flyer I made tonight.


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Please, I don't think you're reading what everyone is saying. No one is blaming you but just trying to make you see that what you're contemplating isn't healthy. I get hurt, anger, and loneliness. The guy I got this from also ignored me and pretended I didn't exist. He moved on like nothing happened and I was the one left to deal with this. There is much more to my story about how he hurt me and how now I'm left feeling broken and unlovable.

 

Ironically, herpes only made me see all the other hurt so much more clearly and has been the easy part to deal with. Now if there's anyone that deserves posters and to feel regret its him. But if I were to do that then nothing in my life changes for the better. I'd still be alone and hurt. However, doing nothing also doesn't change my life. What has slowly changed my life is learning to love myself despite my flaws (something everyone is trying to make you see).

 

I'm in a whole lot of hurt and pain but I still try my hardest everyday to love myself despite that. Its not easy and it isn't an immediate cure but it has helped. What I'm seeing right now with you is what I've experienced myself, you're so hurt that you can't see that the people here are trying to help you cause they genuinely care. We see the pain and we're trying to prevent you from causing more pain. Those posters might help your emotions for a bit but in the end they will add to the hurt.

 

So he might deserve those posters for everyone to see but you don't deserve the hurt that would come after doing it.

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Try to see the whole thing that happened as an opportunity to make yourself stronger... and practice forgiveness :) All of this anger and torment that you're putting yourself through isn't affecting him in the least -- but it is completely controlling you, and it is a poison that will keep eating away at you until you choose to stop looking at yourself as a victim. The same thing happened to me, and I know to other people on here too. I understand. But now, you're making yourself powerless, which you are not. He fucked up. We all fuck up at some point. Not to in any way excuse or diminish what he did or my guy did or anyone else's "gifter" did, but, that's life. The question now is how you respond... Choose to empower yourself rather than be a victim. Allow yourself to move forward rather than staying stuck in the past. This is an important time -- anytime anything like this happens is an important time, because there's opportunity all of the sudden for huge growth. Not that it's easy, but You're setting the course for your future here... and I think it'll probably end up being a good one :)

 

Also... I think that every difficult thing that we come through and allow to grow us and make us stronger and love ourselves more can make us all the more beautiful to someone... our lives are like blank canvases when we start out, and over time they get all sorts of crazy colors splashed on them. They can either end up being angry, chaotic clashes of colors that hurt to look at and alienate people or beautiful, vibrant masterpieces that have depth and character and huge strength to offer others and the world. Other people (ESPECIALLY potential relationship partners) are attracted to the second. No one wants to be around the first. We have a lot more power than we like to think when we're in victim mode :) Remember, we're ALL on your side because we've all been there. that's another thing about victim mode... when we let it take over it is like it puts blinders over our eyes and "alienates" us from people that truly care about us because we think they're "against" us. (sidenote: encouraging you to post flyers that will come back to bite you HUGE is not very genuinely caring. If your friends are the sort that thrive on other people's drama, you might want to find some other people to surround yourself with for a bit who are positive and will build you up). If we think the whole world is against us, it's easier to stay in victim mode. so, time to come out!

 

Sending huge love your way...

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@kanoa

 

(sidenote: encouraging you to post flyers that will come back to bite you HUGE is not very genuinely caring. If your friends are the sort that thrive on other people's drama, you might want to find some other people to surround yourself with for a bit who are positive and will build you up).

 

Thank you for writing that. I sooo wanted to say that too but I realized as "Forum Mom" sometimes I have to back off and give others a chance to say what I want to say.

 

TiGtBoK

 

What Kanoa said is right. Your "friend" is just dying to see some drama play out at your expense. Who you surround yourself with determines who you actually end up being to a pretty great extent (see links below) ... if your friends all thrive on drama, being victims, fights, gossip, etc, well, its easy to get sucked into their way of being. Be careful of what they are encouraging you to do.... THEY will not pay for it in any way, shape, or form in the future.

 

Watch what happens any time you overhear someone talking about the latest gossip ... how many people will start to listen in or actively go join the group to hear it... or who instantly "takes sides" in a fight even though odds are you only know your friends side of the issue (and we all know that in a fight, there are 3 sides ... his, hers, and what actually happened).

 

Here, you have friends who don't give two shits about Dustin ... All we care about is how YOU come through this. As many have mentioned, they have been through EXACTLY what you are going through right now and the totally get how hurt you are. My story is a little different (although actually as soon as my mother found out I had had sex with the guy who gifted me with this, she forbid him to contact me and he never, ever did... so in a way, yes, I experienced the rejection you are feeling... I just didn't know he had left me with Herpes too :( )

 

As I have posted before, rejection is a powerful emotion...it's very physical as well as mental. If you can understand that, you can understand that it IS just an emotion.... one which you can choose to allow it to run your life and turn you into a victim, OR, you can acknowledge it, honor it, and send it packing so you can move on.

 

You feel he has rejected you ... but it is soooo not about you! It's about him being a jerk. And who the hell wants ANYTHING to do with a jerk? I certainly cut jerks out of my life without a second thought any more. I don't need them in my circle of friends. The longer he stays away the more you need to understand that you don't need that kind of person in your life because it will only serve to be a NEGATIVE influence on you. The person you NEED soooo bad is the WORST person to have in your life, because you will lose yourself in them :(

 

(((HUGS)))

 

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/can-your-circle-friends-influence-who-you-are.html

 

Rejection

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/ten-surprising-facts-about-rejection

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  • 7 months later...

@forgivenessandpeace

 

What you don't know it all the history that led up to this with @thisisgoingtobeokay ... we had been coaching her for months to find her peace. It wasn't much later that she met a really great guy and last we heard from her they were very happy. She was having a bad day..... we just helped her to see that this answer wasn't going to change anything ... as I said to her:

 

NOONE here is BLAMING you for anything. We are trying to GUIDE you to a healthier mindset, that's all

 

And we did... which opened her up to finding LOVE instead of staying in a place of anger and vengeance.....

 

Rather than judging how we have dealt with things in the past, why don't you hang around awhile and perhaps you will understand where we are coming from? So far we've been pretty successful in helping most people to move forward at whatever pace they are ready for ... and I hope we can help YOU to find the Forgiveness and Peace that seems to be eluding you right now ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

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Well, while what he did is definitely not ok... think on it this way... (Just try it on for a few minutes!)

 

He's likely bought into the stigma... hook, line, and sinker.

 

Perhaps the way he got it was the way you got it - from someone who knew.... and he has not found Forgiveness and Peace and is taking it out on others because he is still angry at the person HE got it from. Either way, anyone who knowingly passes H on is very likely to be doing so because of their FEAR of "not being lovable" and/or ANGER at how they got it.

 

Forgiveness has nothing to do with what they did being OK ... it's letting go of the anger...understanding that we humans do stupid shit out of fear/anger/ignorance. This guy sounds like a messed up piece of work ... but you don't know what brought him there....what hurts someone did to HIM to make him become such an uncaring and selfish person. That behavior shows a hell of a lot of damage .... and it really must be a miserable way to live to act the way he does.

 

When someone is ugly to me, I imagine how depressing it must be to live like they do, and while it may not happen immediately, I can usually let go of the anger that way. I don't want to become them... and I know that not letting go of things is likely why they are acting like they do now, so my only option is to "Forgive" them and move on. For ME, there is no other option.... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

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You are so right @WCSDancer2010. I had (or still am having) the hardest time accepting what he did to me: to so knowingly put me at risk and then DENY what happened (he didn't tell me until 7 months later that he had an active blister at the time) which delayed my treatment blah blah blah.

 

It was so hard to believe that someone could act so maliciously :'-(

 

I don't think it was that he believed himself to be unloveable: he is extraordinarily charming and plenty of women love him. The kernel of acceptance I'm striving to nurture is based in my recent realization that his brain is structurally different than mine: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2514670/Scientist-James-Fallon-hes-brain-psychopath-related-Lizzie-Borden.html

 

He doesn't feel empathy or guilt or remorse. All the more reason to inform and protect the women he comes into contact with! All the more reason disclosure should be a public health priority. In my viciousness I texted to him: "You're a public health threat. Do us a favor: go back to Cuba."

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