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How can I forgive when it hurts so much?

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If that is how you're feeling right now..it's perfectly normal. Have you thought about forgiving the person who gave you H, or even better, yourself, for "letting it happen"? Did that person just stop talking to you, reject you, or call you names? Don't tell me that he/she didn't even say they were sorry?!


Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got...


Forgiveness is something that can heal a part of yourself that is so buried in guilt or hurt you feel you can no longer deal with it. It is one of the strongest attributes a person can have. This bitterness that is built up inside of you won't get you anywhere.


"That's the thing with hatred and bitterness. It eats you alive. Anger, bitterness and unforgiveness keep you from experiencing the depths of joy." - Sydna Masse


Here's my story: I remember the days leading up to, during, and after forgiving the person who gave H to me. His name is Michael. Just a little history first..I was diagnosed back in 2008. Never received an apology of any sorts, just got laughed at, and he said that he knew he had it. Took me awhile, but I started feeling the need to forgive him in 2013. For other non-related reasons, he was in jail at this time, and I thought it would be a good idea to go see him and forgive him in person. As this was an abusive relationship when we were together, I confided in a few older and wiser people of my plan and they advised to not do so, for safety reasons, and yada yada. All in all, ended up not going to see him, but I remember always saying in my head, "I forgive Mike... I forgive him. I forgive Mike for giving this to me." I had to repeat this to myself several times a day...whenever I was angry that I had it, whenever I felt anger at him for giving this to me. Since that day, my life has gotten so much brighter, and so much weight was lifted off my shoulders.


"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were" - Cherie Carter-Scott


Once you let go of that anger, you will feel it too. I felt so at peace. So happy to live another day, to smell the flowers and smile... to the point where I rarely ever think about him. Yes, he gave me H, but he is not a part of my life, so why waste my precious thoughts and time on him? No need to! I've got the rest of my life to live now!


"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because YOU deserve PEACE"


In my case, I have forgiven myself for putting myself in that situation, which needs to happen if you want to move on with your life. First, you need to realize that you made a mistake. Well, don't all mistakes come with consequences? If caught, then yes. In this case, I was caught and contracted H. In those rare cases, some people seem to always get off the hook.. don't you just hate that? But don't worry, they'll make another mistake, trust me. Second, Forgive yourself. Say it in your head, say it out loud. Write it on your mirror. Leave yourself a note. Anything to remind yourself to forgive you. You did not mean to cause this pain, so let it go.. Third step. Just take a deep breath in, calm your thoughts.. your ultimate goal is to get rid of that guilt, pain, and anger inside. Breathe it out... and let it go. It may take several times to fully feel the weightlessness of forgiving yourself, but you will get there. If you need any advice, feel free to message me :)


Here's some more quotes I've looked up that may help some of you:


"To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes


"Forgiveness and letting go are steps on our road back to happiness!" Let's go! I'm ready... who's with me?!? :)


"Bring into your mind anyone against whom you have a grievance, and let it go. Send that person your forgiveness."- Deepak Chopra


"Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life. It just means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go." - Doe Zantamanta


"It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even STRONGER person to forgive."


"Forgiving people who have hurt you is your gift to them. Forgetting people who have hurt you, is your gift to you."


"You can't undo anything you've already done..but you can face up to it, you can tell the truth, and you can seek forgiveness, and let God do the rest."


"Love is forgiving, accepting, moving on, embracing, and all encompassing. And if you're not doing that for yourself, you cannot do that with anyone else."


"True forgiveness is when you can say.. "Thank you for that experience." - Oprah Winfrey (Heck, I'm thankful for my diagnosis because I think that if I didn't have it, I could have gotten so many other things that may have been worse!)


Hugs! Have a great night loves!



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Great post very inspiring and yeah you are totally right I have friends that they sleep around with any person and they don't caught sh#t and that's frustrating to me but I guess this has happen to us for a reason there's a quote that says "God give his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers" so lets keep our head up I know that to many of us what is scary about H it's been reject. But when you get accept for sure you know that this person really wants you for who you are.

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"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because YOU deserve PEACE"


Amen sista!


And @steven90


You say your friends who sleep around don't get anything - my friend, you have NO idea who has what...because noone talks about it. If they get Chlamydia, Syphilis, or Gonorrhea, AND they get tested/diagnosed, they will just take their antibiotics and go back on their merry way. AND odds are they have or will soon get HPV (the CDC says EVERYONE will get it at some point in their life if they are at all sexually active.). And you yourself are not chiming from the rooftops that you have Herpes - and I doubt your friends will either. Never mind the 80% that don't know they have it. So odds are a number of your friends has had or currently has an STD my friend.


You are FAR from alone.... and yes, you WILL be a stronger, better, more compassionate person for this experience. And that is the (h) opportunity that Adrial created this space to share and pass on ;)



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