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A bit lost here, guidance please?

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Hey, I'm new here. I was diagnosed with HSV 2 when I was pregnant with my son, so I've known for a little over a year that I have this condition. It was traumatizing at first, but honestly, it's not a big deal to me anymore. I don't even think m uch about it BC my episodes are so incredibly mild and rare, and I'm not even on meds. The only thing that is a big deal to me is telling another person, which I know you guys can relate.


I've told two guys, one was the father of my son, the other was a guy I dated after him. Neither reacted adversely. I chickened out, though, and told the former by a phone call, the latter by a letter.


This is a long story, I'm sorry for rambling (I'm sure I'll ramble):


I met a guy online, he's a cop in the small town I live in. We actually text and Facebooked for over a year without meeting. We finally met a couple weeks ago, and now we're in the whirlwind "see each other as much as possible, text all day, go on dates" phase. He seems to be the type of person who values integrity above all else. I have already decided that I would never, ever not tell someone about my condition. I would be consumed with guilt if I did, and morally, it's not the right thing to do. So, I've known this point was coming, when I'm obsessed with telling him, so much so that I can't give myself completely to this relationship. I'm absolutely terrified. I feel so negative about it all, that I'm actually considering telling him via text, which I know is not the best route.


The reasons I feel it's getting to the point where I need to tell is BC of how much it's on my mind, I feel like we're moving into the beginnings of an actual relationship instead of just dating/talking, and we've known each other, though not intimately, for over a year. Also, we are getting more physical. There's been no sexual contact, but we've made out, and I know he wanted to go further, and the feeling is mutual.


I try to picture in my head us talking about this, but I literally cannot. And it's not BC of him, I guess, it's me. I can't picture myself talking to anyone about it. I even feel a little uncomfortable talking to loved ones about it. I feel pretty lonely and sad about this situation, though when I'm not dating, I feel perfectly fine. I could use some advice/encouragement/kind words.


Thank you!

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I'm heading out the door so I have to keep my personal thoughts to my self but I DO want to say GOOD FOR YOU that you are here asking for help with one of the toughest parts of having Herpes (at least, it SEEMS to be the toughest part :)


So I have collected the "Success Stories" from the past few months ... I'm going to give you the links below so you can read them... you will see there is no "right" way. You have to figure out what is right for you. If he is a man of integrity he will appreciate your honesty and will at least get educated.


Gotta go - but hope this helps a bit... to be honest, seeing the success of others may well help you visualize yourself being successful :)










http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps nic4897


http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24


http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM


http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff


http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

















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Hello Shhklbnja0208

Hope you are feeling well today.

I can understand how you are feeling right now..

The hole stigma around (h) is so unfair at times..

The only thing I can say is that stress from not telling him is not good for you..

If he is the right one for you he will understand..

I wish you the best of luck with telling him, and would love to see you on the success list above.



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Thank you, you guys! It's so awesome to have found a place where I can talk openly about this stuff and receive nothing but kindness, support, and understanding!


I couldn't handle the obsessing anymore, so tonight I decided to tell him. I did do it via text, and I actually am ok with the fact that I chose that route. It was the longest text message I've ever seen, and it didn't send the first time I tried, though I didn't realize that, so I sat thinking that he just wasn't replying, finally checked my phone, and there was the send failed, lol. So, I dent it again, and he almost immediately text back saying he'd like to talk on the phone, then another text saying his reply was going to be good. He told me he'd never been tested for it, so for all he knows, he's got it, thanked me for being honest and straightforward, and said he wanted to keep things the way they are. He was so incredibly sweet and understanding, he even said he wants to drive to my house and give me a big kiss and hug. I'm still in shock, it was such a good response. I actually didn't lose him BC of it. I'm so happy he is so accepting, there's no better feeling! :)

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