Seeking Understanding with a New Partner

[NapalmHallows]

Hey Everyone-

 

So I am new to this message board, and have skimmed through some discussions, and I have to say that to see so many open and positive people is uplifting. :) Thanks for knowing how to make a stranger in the room feel comfortable!

 

So to give you my situation: I am a 25 yo female and I am dating a new guy, who is h(2)+. I am pretty healthy, active, vegetarian (fitness runs in my family), and I take good care of myself physically/emotionally. My boyfriend disclosed to me as friends during our first major conversation together (it sort of came out in a "who had the crappiest last relationship" standoff), and needless to say I wasn't bothered much by it (for myself, for him my heart went out in a big gooey mess). I don't believe in holding stigma (I am open/receptive to many concepts)- though this does not mean that his diagnosis is any less important for him. He was diagnosed less than a year ago, and it really, *really, really* bothers him. He still has a lot of emotional issues surrounding his diagnosis, and is coping the best he knows how. He is bound and determined to make sure he doesn't pass this burden along to me. This being said, there has not been any sexual contact between us yet beyond fondling.

 

I have been doing my research, per my due diligence, and have reached out here per his guidance. To my knowledge, I have h1, as I have had cold sores for as long as I can remember (can't remember the last time I had one...less than five but more than 3). I am going this coming week to have an antibody test for h2, just to see where my status is, given the conservative estimates for h+ folks who don't know their status (like most I didn't realize that this was not a part of routine screening until I spoke with him). I am going to start taking L-Lysine preventatively, and he has begun taking his antivirals. I'm going with him to his next support group meeting, to hear everyone's stories and to get a better glimpse of what it is I will be exposing myself to, per his requests (he is really bound and determined to get me to hear horror stories it feels like).

 

I suppose what I am writing about is exactly what I should be doing as an h- girlfriend, who understands his stance (to the best of her ability). He is more worried than I am. I've told him that as long as we do what we can to cut back on risk, then this is something I am willing to gamble at. We both see ourselves together for the long-term, foreseeable future. I care about him greatly, and am willing to do whatever he asks to make him more comfortable.

 

Are there any other preventative measures I can take, such as taking L-Lysine, to cut back on my potential for contracting this (provided my test comes back negative)? What about oral sex?

 

What would you all suggest I do to help ease his fears? I am certainly not going to push him to do anything he is uncomfortable with, and am willing to be patient; but I want to go into this with as much solid, holistic information as I possibly can, for his sake and for my own. Anything you all have would be wonderful!

 

Thanks!

[ChanelChanel]

Hello NapalmHallows. Welcome :-) It is great to hear that you have an open mind and are willing to continue with your new partner. As I am new to H, I can't give you much info off the top of my head, but here is a link that helped me to understand the chances of catching or passing H1 and H2. http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

 

I'm sure others here can be of more help.

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Claps and big hugs to you for accepting. I am sure you have no idea how much that means to him. It would mean the absolute world to me. Anyways, check out that link above. Use condoms, make sure he is taking antivirals and avoids sex anytime he feels "weird". That weird feeling could be him shedding or an outbreak coming on. He probably knows his body pretty good now and can tell when one is coming on. So just avoid sex during those times. h2 is rare for the mouth, still be proactive. It can happen. If you do have H1, be careful too. That can be spread by giving oral to him. Just play it safe and listen to your bodies!

 

Again, thank you for posting. Gives me hope.

[WCSDancer2010]

@NapalmHallows

 

First, welcome! And thank you for sharing your story. I know it will mean a lot to so many here to hear from a H2- person's side of a partnership with someone who is H2+.

 

So - is your BF on here? It sounds like he could use a little (a lot, actually!) of help/support. I see he is part of a support group - that is great! But I think we provide something really special here .. and we are here pretty much all the time. It doesn't take long for someone to reply to give support and answers.

 

It sounds like you are doing the right things - getting informed, anti-virals for him, etc. I can't say that taking L-Lysine proactively will prevent you getting Herpes but it won't hurt. Regarding Oral Sex ... well, you have HSV1 ... 50% of the new cases of Genital HSV1 are from Oral Sex so if he is HSV1-, you also need to take precautions too ... so you may want to consider going on the anti-virals too to protect him... it's something you should at least discuss. If either of you has the same H strain as the other, well then, it's sorta good news because that worry is gone as far as transferring because once you have it, you are already immune so you won't get it in another area. As far as you getting HSV2 orally, it's very, VERY, rare ... <1% of all Oral HSV cases are HSV2. If he's on anti-virals I wouldn't worry about that one at all....

 

Keep reading here, and see if you can get him to join in too so we can help him work on learning to trust you to make your decisions and to learn to BELIEVE that he is still a wonderful, lovable human being who can and has found someone who will love him and be ok with his H2 status :)

 

(((HUGS)))