So confused!! HELP PLEASE!

peacelovehope · March 14, 2014

Hey Everyone,

I've only had Hv2 for 4 months now. I decided that I wasn't going to let it hold me back. So, I jumped back into dating. The first person that I started talking to was 6 years older than me and luckily for me had already been with someone who was in the same boat. I told him my story and he held me close and told me that this didn't change anything. Things between him and I didn't work out so I'm dating again.

Now that was my first time disclosing "H" to someone I was thinking about dating so I was pretty much experimenting when the "right time" was. Lol I ended up telling him the first date. Not right away but later on in the evening. The days coming up to the date I was a wreck. I was crying asking "Why me?". I felt so much pressure. I was only thinking of the absolute worse outcome. I thought that once I told him he would immediately look at me differently and end the night. I'm a very open person and don't do well with secrets. I felt like if I didn't tell him then I was going to have that in the back of my mind until I eventually did. I don't want someone to get attached to me and then me saying "Oh by the way...." and have them feel completely lied to or betrayed.

Dating use to be so easy for me. Now I feel like the whole time I'm trying to get to know someone I'll constantly be thinking well is he going to stay or run away as fast as possible when I tell him?. I'm currently talking to someone new and we have gone out 1 time. I didn't tell him about my situation and once again it's starting to bother me. He claims to be very interested and would like to go out again. I feel like every time he compliments me I have to take it with a grain of salt. I know Herpes doesn't define me, but at the same time someone has to except it before they can fully except me. I really would like some opinions on when people think it's a good time to let someone know.

Thanks for Reading(:

bookworm21 · March 14, 2014

I feel the same way. When I first started talking to my current boyfriend he would tell me how amazing he thought I was, and all I thought was "If only you knew". We have a long distance relationship so I decided to tell him the night we actually met in person. I was terrified. After being on here awhile I decided to try a new tactic. He is military so I went for the straight forward approach. Instead of crying and putting it out there like the worst thing in the world/my life was ruined (my normal approach); I told him the facts and how I was going to protect him against it if we moved forward. I still teared up a little but was very open and honest. We have been together almost two months now. We'll still talk about it every once in awhile if he thinks of a new question, but he's very accepting. If you put it to someone like a shameful, horrible disease, they automatically won't want it. Hope this helped! :)

peacelovehope · March 14, 2014

Thanks so much!! That really does help. I'm open to any suggestions. I figure the more I can play out what I want to say and how or when I say it, the less stressful the situation will be.

WCSDancer2010 · March 14, 2014

Going to just quickly put a bunch of links up here for you - successful disclosures and a blog that I wrote about using Herpes as your Wing Man (Yes, tis true!). I know others will chime in but this will give you plenty to chew on in the mean time :)

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2384/successful-herpes-disclosure

Bookworm_21

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps nic4897

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

((HUGS))