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Self diagnosed with herpes - scared and so unsure

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I've spent the last few days reading everything on this site. What a wonderful forum to gather information, vent and help.

Hoping that I can get some help myself!!!

I had been feeling a little unwell, run down and tired. Didn't think too much of it as I had a pretty stressful week. Nothing seemed too abnormal until I felt the glands in my groin were sore, figured I'd stretched too much when I was out running. And then the pain in my privates started, a bit like I had been cut or sliced. Over the next couple of days it blew out to a number or red bumps that have since blistered, opened up and are very painful. I know I need to make an appointment to see my doctor but I'm so scared of what he will confirm.

I have only just started seeing a new guy. We slept together on our 2nd date. It just progressed and it was amazing. We had the discussion about protection from pregnancy but not about anything else. (I've never had a conversation with any partner about STI's). :( we went out again the week later and everything was just as fantastic. But then about a week later my OB started. I haven't told him about this, I'm unsure of where it has come from Was it him, was it a previous partner, have I had it for ages and not known (although I'm doubting this as I've never hard a nothing like this).

Aside from going to get this all confirmed, I don't know what to do from here. I don't know what to say to this guy. I've read all the wonderful stories about fantastic partners who are accepting of the situation. I just feel like it's all too good to be true and that it's not going to be that easy for me.


I would appreciate any suggestions and advice.



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Hi Beclizzy and welcome. I think you shouldn't worry so much until you get a confirmation from the dr... Just try to prepare yourself for the news, but worrying in between time won't help. Yes, it sucks because you can rarely tell who you may have contracted it from and when. I think you should hold off on anymore sex until you get get news back from the doctor then decide when you are going to disclose it.... SOON after. And yes, bc you don't know if it came from your new guy he should be tested too. Who knows? He may have given it to you. You can never tell so maybe you should probably ask your previous partner. Some guys just don't disclose, and some don't even know they have it.


Dating is never easy... well it wasn't for me even when I was a virgin a little over two years ago... but having this can make you more careful to be certain if someone is right for you. It takes time... but don't worry about this... The doctor's confirmation is first.

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Hello and Welcome..


@Chanel is right - first order of the day is to get tested. But if you don't have an active blister it may or may not show up in a blood test ... it can take up to 4-6 mo to get enough antibodies to show up.


If I was a betting person (I'm not... proved by getting both kinds of HSV that I don't do well with gambling :p ) I'd say you got it from the guy, given you were just starting to date and it come up within weeks of the first contact. But it would be best to get him tested too.


You are learning a really really hard lesson here... STI's are real and in the case of Herpes, many don't know they have it and those that do are often either mistaken in thinking they can't pass it on when they don't have an OB or they hide it because of the shame. It's a conversation that you need to have in the future, whatever your H status turns out to be. And BTW if you had Oral Sex and he has HSV1 (cold sores) you may have got it that way.


You need to read up on things like Asymptomatic Shedding and other facts... you can start with these links then read all you can on the forum, ask questions, and get yourself educated. You can print out the Handouts for your BF too...






Disclosure e-book:




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Thank you both for responding. I appreciate your advice.

Yes my first step will be to the doctor. I have active blisters so hopefully they will be able to take a swab from there.

I have definitely learnt some big lessons lately. After being in a relationship for 15 years and now back on the dating scene this has definitely come as a shock. I have read some fantastic information here and another site (I've avoided googling images and random sites) and it has been encouraging. It's just the stigma that goes with it that is a little frightening.

Any suggestions on what I say to this new guy. How I approach it? I am not angry with him. If he didn't know how can I be. At this point I genuinely feel that is the case but I won't truly know I guess until we have 'the talk'.

Thank you again. It's nice having somewhere to come to feel supported.

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First - read all you can here - it will help you to become educated enough so you can have confidence when you talk to him


I just put a bunch of links on this discussion (link below) that may help you as well - disclosure stories... you can never tell how a person will react... but my Wing-Man blog will help you to understand how Herpes will help you to sort the people in your life ;)





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Approach it calmly and in a concerned, but not frightened manner. I would approach as an even playing field because again you don't know who contracted it from who, but it is mostly likely you did from him by what you stated above.


IF I WAS YOU, I'D SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO THE NEW GUY AFTER TESTING: After we had sex I noticed this, this and that. I have never experienced , nor have I ever had an STI. It shocked me so I went to the doctor to get tested and this was the result. I have not been on the dating seen in quite a well so this is very new to me. There is no real way to pin point how this came about so I am trying to be reasonable. Have you ever experienced this or tested positive for this? It will be best for the both of us that you get tested so that we can better figure things out.


I would approach as an even playing field because again you don't know who contracted it from who, but by what you stated above it is mostly likely you did from him... only my personal opinion.


I hope this helps..

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