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Feel trapped in my relationship because of herpes

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so about four months ago i found out i had herpes.And to top it off i also found out i gave it to my girlfriend. after days of arguing about it and her not being able to look at me the same we finally worked it out. but lately i feel as if i'm trapped in this relationship because of the herpes. I'm afraid of losing her so i just look past things that she does that bothers me, but that won't last how am i going to be able to find someone else with what i got? would she ever forgive me? these are the questions in my head. plus i'm in the military and i feel like i can't go and experience the world like i want. i know that herpes shouldn't stop me from that, but that's how i see it.


i guess my point of this whole situation is, does it ever get better? will i ever find peace within myself? thanks for reading this.

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Yes honey, things do get better. Peace is something you have to find within yourself. HSV-2 doesn't define you, unless you let it. Who were you before HSV-2? You're the same person. Whatever happens with your relationship, please don't let your status be part of it. And speaking of going and experiencing the world, now you have a reason to not go running blindly into that. Go bravely, and responsibly into your experiences!

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Hey well said flygal...normal guy, herpes will help you sort out what is important, what is fake and will challenge you to live with integrity. Herpes won't trap you in a relationship but force you to look at it honestly, and if you don't like what you see or experience in it and cannot resolve it then its best to move on - it just means that relationship isn't in your best interest...and then ultimately not in your partners either.


And experiencing the world is WAY more that having sex with someone so yes you go on experience the world...and the amazing connnections you can make with people. It does get better and you will find peace within yourself if you work on it and not let herpes determine your level of happiness.

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Did you know you had herpes when you passed it to her? Or was it an honest, ignorant mistake? Regardless, it seems clear to me (based only on what you've said here) that you don't want to be in the relationship. That what is having you stay in the relationship is more fear than love. And I get how having herpes (and the guilt of passing it to her, too) could feel like a jail cell. And that's a self-imposed jail cell, by the way, bro. If you really get that herpes is not going to hold you back in life, if you REALLY GET that, then you won't allow it to hold you back. Because herpes doesn't have the power to keep you in a relationship you don't want to be in. Herpes doesn't have the power to not let you experience the world like you want. You are GIVING herpes that power. And once you realize that, then you can take that power back and stop being a victim to it. Trust me, I know what feeling like a victim means. I put myself through it for years. And now I'm on a mission to not let people like you go through the same suffering that I put myself through. So I'm speaking from experience. Much love, bro. I hope you do what's best for you while still honoring your girlfriend. Is she happy in this relationship? What is it you really want once you realize that herpes isn't the issue here?

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Normal guy... I just got out of a relationship. I had herpes and he didnt. I stayed for so long because I was fearful of future rejection. What I have come to realize is how silly it is to have the hurt or fear from possible future rejection be the glue that keeps a shitty relationship together.

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  • 1 month later...

Normal guy - I think that just because you have herpes you can't let it define you! You are a person not a virus! I found out a few weeks ago that I have herpes, I have not got a boyfriend (we broke up about 8 months ago) I have not been with anyone apart from him for about 2 years so I must have had it that long and not known. I absolutely refuse to let this virus stop me believing I will find someone out there for me. Just go out there and have fun, do what you would do normally and see where life takes you, that's what I am doing anyway. Don't let it get you down.

RainbowStream - If you didn't know you had it you are not to blame for giving it to your boyfriend or if you did know and you told him then that was a risk he was willing to take for you. We can't let this take over our lives there is much more to life, yes it is an annoying skin irritation that we have to 'disclose' but it isn't life threatening!!! Go and do something nice today :-)

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  • 3 weeks later...

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