I need some support

[bookworm21]

I've been really depressed for a few weeks now. I'm not sure how to come out of it. I am still in a relationship with the guy I had a successful disclosure to, but he's in the military so he's been away. It's been so bad that I've barely slept and am just out of it all the time. About a week ago I had an issue where I put myself in a situation where I was taken advantage of. I don't see it as fully cheating, but I still feel guilty and horrible. How do I tell him? I have never cheated before and like I said, I was taken advantage of more than anything (it was a mix of my pain medication, lack of sleep, and severely depressed/upset emotional state). This guy and I didn't have sex. He got me to trust him, then waited until I was super relaxed (after crying about how my relationship was rocky and my life felt like it was going no where). Then he started touching me in ways I didn't want. Both with his mouth and hands. I stopped him, but it took me a minute to realize what was going on. I didn't even see that he took advantage of me until I talked it out with a friend. Help? Please. I feel so defeated.

[WCSDancer2010]

@bookworm21

 

Awww - friend .... so sorry to hear you are struggling like this.

 

I supported my father through a similar experience where a woman took advantage of his fragility when my mother was slowly dying from a stroke. She saw he was in a weak place and managed to get him to let her move in and got him to spend money he would never have spent under my mom's watch on stuff he didn't need. He reached out to me and we got her out, but it was a very tough experience for him that he still beats himself up about to this day.

 

I can't tell you how to tell him. I think that first you may want to get some professional support - because I'm thinking that your depression is at a dangerous level and you may need to get on meds to get back on level ground. As you may have picked up, I am not a medication person but I actually went on anti-depressants for 6 months to get through a bad period of my life... you may need to consider this ... if it is deemed that you need meds, make a plan to regain control of your life once the meds kick in and then see if you can wean off them.

 

The one good thing is what with him being away, you can get some help and clarity of what is really going on that caused you to not see what was happening earlier. You can then approach your BF and tell him what you are going through and the mistake you made. Either way, it sounds like you need professional help if you are using pain meds to escape your depression. My daughters ex BF was on Percocet and it wrecked their relationship - don't let the depression and drugs do that to you my friend... get help. Please.

 

(((HUGS)))

[bookworm21]

I talked to a few people close to me last night and a sexual assault nurse today. I also told Tyler. He said he wasn't mad at me (obviously because it was sexual assault). I still just feel numb. I've been through this before when I was 16 (I have really bad luck) so I know that's normal. I'm seeking counseling for it. I'm not on drugs recreationally, I was on pain killers for a sore shoulder. Just wanted to throw that out there! I'm doing better today.

[WCSDancer2010]

Good for you! Sooo glad to hear you are getting help. And I get it about the shoulder... but it's easy to just take an extra here or there when life is rough... and that's where it gets out of control. And Tyler sounds like a peach... definite keeper ;)

 

 

(((HUGS))) my friend... keep your chin up. You are strong...you'll get through this :)

[bookworm21]

Thank you :)

 

He really is a keeper. The more time we spend talking the more I know it. It's been hard because he's been doing military stuff, but I get to see him in person again soon! I'm so excited. He may be moving down to South Carolina soon, so that's stressful but if we are meant to be we are meant to be. I'm not letting myself stress over it! I do not need an outbreak right now on top of everything. :)

 

Thank you for your kind words. You always know just what to say.