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The Herpes Talk Brought Us Closer Together

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I've had herpes for nearly 10 years and in that time I've always dated other guys with herpes. The "talk" has never been a big deal. In fact, fear of the talk has probably held me back way more than any other single factor in my life over the past decade. Recently, I've started dating a guy I've known for a couple of years, but we've only just recently began developing romantic feelings for each other. For the first time ever, I was going to have to have the talk. In a way, it felt in my heart and mind like a giant "Dead End" sign, like there would be no way he'd accept this part of me and still want to date me.


Last night was the big night, and I finally had the talk with my new guy. I was moderately stressed about it for most of the day, but by the time evening came when we planned to meet I felt pretty calm, centered and focused. I knew he had something special planned for us and I wanted to get the herpes talk out of the way first so that I could put my mind at ease. It went something like this...


Me: I want to have a heart to heart talk with you about something important. I’ve got genital herpes. I’m sharing this with you because I trust you and I believe in you and I believe in us. And I’d like to have a discussion with you about it.


Him: I love you.


Then his dog started howling because she’d accidentally gotten her toy trapped under the couch. We both just started cracking up laughing. I couldn’t believe that we were actually laughing in the midst of this conversation I’d catastrophized for so long. So yeah, all in all, it was a very positive experience. He wasn’t bothered by it at all. He said he has a few friends who have got it and they seem to live happy, normal lives. He did ask if I was on Valtrex daily meds, which I am.


After that we went on to have a very romantic evening. I’ve known him for 2 years but have only been dating him for 2 weeks. I feel in my heart like I’ve found something really special. It feels like he’s my future husband. I’m also so relieved that we were able to have this heart to heart talk and remain openhearted, positive, and loving -- even finding some laughter in the situation. The talk definitely has brought us closer together.

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I'm so proud of you, bro. Thank you for sharing this with the H Opp fam. Wow, so leaving the herpes talk wide open for whatever to show up actually allowed laughter, fun and lightness? What? Who woulda thunk it? I hate love to say it, but I told ya so. ;) Enjoy this whole falling in love process. Fun, ain't it?

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Adrial, thank you so much for you help and support. Before I'd "met" you, this stuff seemed so off limits for me. There's no way I would have dreamed I'd be disclosing this to other people. You've helped me see how important it is to love yourself completely and be honest with those who love you, too. And yeah, falling in love is VERY fun! Herpes doesn't have to get in the way of that at all. :D

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Thanks for sharing, mister. I'm building up to possibly having my first 'talk' and reading others' experiences is definitely helping me to tear down the intimidating walls I've been building up in my head around it.


Just reading your story gives me little butterflies - glad you've found someone you have such a connection with :) Who knew there could be so much hope for thrill, fun, excitement in the face of this little condition we have?


x Marina

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