Help! Rejected with herpes

ZoeyWilliams19 · March 27, 2014

I was diagnosed a few years ago with hsv1 genitally and since then I have not been able to date without being rejected or have any intimacy with anyone without becoming extremely paranoid about infecting them. I feel like I am living a lie, but I also feel that if I am truthful about my issues I will always be alone. I am also concerned about my future. How will I be treated when I seek my own health insurance? How will I ever have children. I am just extremely stressed out!

WCSDancer2010 · March 27, 2014

@ZoeyWilliams19

First - Welcome and glad you found us....this is a great place to process what you are dealing with.

First, you CAN have a wonderful, loving relationship with someone. I was married for 20 years (and did give it to him thanks to the fact that in the early 80's they didn't really talk about it) but it never affected our relationship and I have 2 beautiful girls who are now in their 20's and H- (as far as I know...never had it as kids).

Health insurance won't care... Herpes is considered a nuisance skin condition in an awkward place. You have the version that is considered a "cold sore" that ended up down there ...likely thanks to oral sex.

So it sounds like you have not told your partners...and that, my friend, isn't a good idea on many levels - first,, as you experienced, you are living a lie and you are taking all the responsibility on yourself for them not getting it.... and it really is only fair to tell them so they have the choice of whether they continue or not. So I hope we will help you to learn how to disclose here (there are TONS of success stories on here - I'll add links at the bottom).

The strain you have is the one that causes Cold Sores...80% of the population has that one ...BUT, 80% of them don't know it. And there's the rub. Many are ignorant about that and it's up to us to get educated so we can educate potential partners in the future. The "good news" is that if you have a partner that has ever had a cold sore, that means they have the HSV1 virus and you can't re-infect them... ie: you would be quite safe to play. The only thing would be to make sure THEY have been tested for HSV2 (most have not, even if they think they have been) and all the other STD's before you play... and one piece of advice...ask to SEE the results as many don't know they were not tested for "everything".

My best advice right now is for you to read all you can on here, get educated about HSV (I'll add the handout links below too) and you will see that this isn't the big deal you are making it. It's just a matter of KNOWING what you are dealing with so thoroughly that you can easily explain it to a potential partner.

(((HUGS))) - we are here for you..... keep reading and posting as much as you need....

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

http://herpeslife.com/good-herpes-virus-bad-herpes-virus-the-truth-about-hsv1-hsv2

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps nic4897

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM